November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Reaching New (Faren)Heights Of Stupidity

| Manila, Philippines | Math & Science, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I overhear a tourist couple at breakfast one table over.)

Customer: “Every day! This coffee is never hot enough.”

Customer’s husband: “You’re just gonna have to get used to that. In these countries that use the Celsius scale, they boil their water at only 100 degrees.”

Can’t Keep A Good Waitress Down

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

(I am working as a bartender at a restaurant. The waitress has added a 15% gratuity because the party has been large and difficult to deal with.)

Customer: “Miss? What’s this ‘gravity’ crap?! I ain’t paying for no ‘gravity!'”

Waitress: *without missing a beat* “Ma’am, that’s what holds the food to your plate.”

Customer: “Oh, alright then.” *pays the check*


| Sydney, Australia | Money, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(At the cinema the water is really expensive, the bottle we sell costs $5.10 but anywhere else it would be $2.)

Me: “Hi what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll just grab a water thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $5.10.”

Customer: *shocked* “$5.10!?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, just our prices.”

Customer: “But it’s water. You know that s*** comes from the sky right?”

So Pho, So Crazy

| London, UK | At The Checkout, Bigotry, History, Language & Words, Top

(I am working the tills at a supermarket. I am of Vietnamese descent but was born in London. An older gentleman comes through my till.)

Customer: *practically shouting* “Ni-Hao!”

Me: “Hello to you to sir, but that’s Chinese. I am actually Vietnamese.”

(I point to my name tag which in our shop goes by family name instead of first name. Mine is the very common ‘Nguyen’.)

Customer: “Don’t lie!”

Me: “I assure you sure I am Vietnamese.”

Customer: “There aren’t any Vietnamese people left!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Yeah, the Americans killed them all back in the seventies or something.”

Me: “I think you may have your history confused. I assure you there is still a Vietnam and it is full of Vietnamese people.”

Customer: “Well I don’t know how you managed to escape but I wouldn’t say it so loudly. There might be Americans around looking for survivors.”

Me: *as I ring up his last item* “Probably a good idea. That will be £10.34 please.”

Customer: *as he pays* “Wouldn’t want a young lad like you getting caught!”

(The customer heads towards the exit, but unfortunately notices the security guard who also happens to be my brother. He is 6ft tall and a body-builder and I dread what might happen.)

Customer: “Ni-Hao!”

Brother: “Actually I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “Another one?! But the Americans wiped you all out!”

Brother: *standing to full height* “I think you might want to just keep on walking.”

Customer: “How dare you talk to me like that?! I’m going to call the Americans, and then they’ll come down here and shoot you!”

That’s (Not) A Wrap Folks

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Me: “Good afternoon.”

Caller: “I was there at lunch today and got take out. When I got home I realized I had a salad and not the wrap. Your staff obviously can’t get an order right. You better rectify this. I am not impressed at all.”

Me: “What did you order?”

Caller: “A caesar salad.”

Me: “But isn’t that what you got?”

Caller: “But I wanted the caesar salad wrap. You guys screwed up.”

Me: “We don’t have a caesar salad wrap. Did you tell the cashier that you wanted a wrap?”

Caller: “You have caesar salad wraps, so she was pretty stupid if she didn’t know what I wanted.”

Me: “We have a roma chicken wrap with caesar dressing and feta. Is that what you wanted?”

Caller: “Well, your business is pretty stupid if you call a salad a caesar salad but don’t call a wrap that when you have one. I expect to be compensated for your stupidity.”

Me: “So you want to be compensated because you ordered the wrong item and our staff didn’t tell you that you really wanted something else?”

Caller: “Well…yes!”