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    Honey, He Ain’t A Scrapbooking Project

    | Michigan, MI, USA |

    (I witnessed this on the hospital floor where I work. A patient’s daughter comes out of a hospital room and stands in the hallway, staring around looking lost.)

    Nurse’s aide: “Can I help you?”

    Daughter: “Yeah… can I have a stapler?”

    (The nurse’s aide walks about two steps away to get a stapler and then thinks better of this request.)

    Nurse’s aide: “Why do you want a stapler?”

    Daughter: “My dad’s IV tubing is getting in his way. I thought it would be better if we stapled it to his arm.”

    Nurse’s aide: “Um, I think tape would work better for that.”

    Daughter: “You guys have tape here?”

    Nurse’s aide: “Yeah, I have some here in my pocket.”

    (The aide walks into the room to secure the IV tubing before any more of his genius children try to help.)

    Daughter: *muttering* “I still think a stapler is a better idea…”

    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

    | Commack, NY, USA | Top

    (I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40′s with a kid no older then 10.)

    Me: “Welcome sir, did you get…”

    (I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.)

    Me: “… everything?”

    Man: “I guess so.”


    Man: “Alright, let’s go get some more.”

    (About 5 minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.)

    Man: “Alright, I think this is enough.”

    (I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.)

    Me: *whispering* “Uhh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.”

    Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.”

    Ah, Fathers

    My Parents Threatened To Do This Monthly

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I worked at a sandwich place. The order area had a counter. A man walks in carrying his year old child, and sets the child on the counter.)

    Man: “Do you guys take trades?”

    We Can Thank Hollywood And “Hacker” Films For This

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Caller: “My car won’t start.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “My car won’t start. It ran fine earlier but since I’ve visited your site it won’t turn over.”

    Me: “Uh… is your computer attached to your car? Draining the battery?”

    Caller: “No, the computer is in the house.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see how visiting a web site, let alone ours, could affect the operation of your car.”

    Caller: “I thought this was tech support?”

    Me: “That’s correct. We are not car mechanics, however.”

    Caller: “Look, I hear about web sites hacking into people’s lives all the time. I see no reason why they couldn’t hack cars or anything else they wanted.”

    Me: “Are you kidding?”

    Caller: “No! My car worked fine earlier! I went to your site and now it won’t start. Why are you hacking me?!”

    Me: “We aren’t. You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

    Caller: “F*** YOU! GET OUT OF MY CAR, YOU–”

    Me: *click*

    Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood

    Not Quite Shuffled Off This Mortal Coil

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    Customer: “My mother is dying at **** Hospital. She is prearranged through you.”

    Me: “I see her file right here, sir.”

    (I talk about our funeral home’s services.)

    Customer: “Now, could you go ahead and run her obituary tomorrow?”

    Me: *confused* “I thought she hadn’t passed away yet.”

    Customer: “She hasn’t, but I would like to go ahead and run the obituary.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t do that. We need to wait until she actually dies.”

    Customer: *unhappy* “Well, if you say so.”

    (The woman did not die for another 8 days.)

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