Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 2

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Your lights are so dim. Can you please turn them up?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, there are only two settings, on and off.

Customer: “Well, turn them on, then!”

Me: “They are on.”

Customer: “Liar!”

Related:
Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

Mocha-less In Minneapolis

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a male worker in a coffee shop. A customer has just left with a hot drink and gotten on his bike.)

Me: “Man, that guy is really brave.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “He just got on his bike with a hot mocha.”

Customer: “Wow. Well, I’m sure you’ll find the right guy some day.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “We’re not talking about the same thing are we?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “I guess you just hear what you want to hear.”

Me: “I guess so.”

But The Energizer Bunny Never Dies

| Burlington, VT, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

(I have been troubleshooting this customer’s cable for a while now. Finally, after getting his TV on the proper input, this happens.)

Me: “Sir, does the little red light on the remote blink when you press a button on the remote?”

Customer: “Err…no?”

Me: “Okay, sir, that means the batteries in the remote are dead.”

Customer: “What? That’s terrible! They can die?”

Stop And Stair

| Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

(A customer approaches one of the security guards.)

Customer: “Your escalators are broken.”

Security: “What do you mean by broken?”

Customer: “They aren’t moving.”

Security: “Okay. Which one is it?”

(The customer leads the security guard to the “escalator” and stands on the top step.)

Customer: “See, broken.”

Security: “Sir, those are stairs.”

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Sugar Daddy Makes Life So Sweet

| Louisiana, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “See that man over there? His name is Jim. I just met him and he’s paying for all my stuff.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “My mom always told me to find a rich man to take care of me. Do you have a rich man taking care of you?”

Me: “Um…no.”

Customer: “Sweetie, you need to get yourself one while you’re still young.”

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