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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • As Shameless As She Is Shirtless

    , | Sliema, Malta | Top

    (I’m second in line to use a dressing room. In front of me is an impatient lady.)

    Customer: “When will I get to use the dressing rooms?”

    Attendant: “Very soon, madam. You’re next in line, so it should be any minute now.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been here ten minutes already!”

    Attendant: “Have some patience, madam. One of the rooms should be free any moment now.”

    (Suddenly, the customer starts to undress right in front of everyone.)

    Attendant: “Madam! Please wait for one of the dressing rooms to be free before you remove any more clothing!”

    (The customer stops, but not before removing her shirt and exposing her bra.)

    Customer: “FINE!”

    (Another customer walks out and the shirtless customer finally walks into a dressing room.)

    Attendant, to me: “Wow… just in time. I didn’t need to see any more of that!”

    (As if on cue, the impatient customer comes back out, but this time she’s completely topless.)

    Topless customer, to attendant: “Here, take this shirt back. It’s too revealing!”

    Fpelling Is Fimple

    | Boulder, CO, USA |

    (I’m trying to instruct a caller how to visit a website.)

    Customer: “It says ‘page cannot be displayed’.”

    Me: “Okay, please go to google.com.”

    Customer: “Okay, it came up.”

    Me: “Alright, it looks like we got the address wrong the first time. Let’s try it again.” *I spell out the entire URL*

    Customer: “It’s still not working.”

    Me: “OK, could you please spell it back to me?”

    Customer: “H-T-T-P-F…”

    Me: “I see what happened here. At the beginning we need to put H-T-T-P-S as in ‘Sierra’.”

    Customer: “OK, H-T-T-P-F…”

    Me: “No, not F as in Frank, S as in Sam. S as in sample.”

    Customer: “H-T-T-P-F…”

    Me: “Sir, no, we need to make sure that it is an S as in Sierra.” S as in solution.”

    Customer: *really upset at this point* “YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE! F AS IN SIERRA?! F AS IN SIERRA?! SIERRA BEGINS WITH AN S!

    Teaching The Next Generation

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Top

    (I’m folding clothes when a young girl of about six comes up to me. Her mom is in a nearby fitting room trying clothes on.)

    Girl: “Why do you have to fold those shirts?”

    Me: “Well, they have to look neat on the tables, so I need to fold them.”

    Girl: “So whenever someone looks at a shirt, you have to refold it?”

    Me: “If it gets unfolded, yes.”

    (Just then another customer walks up to the table and proceeds to unfold the top shirt from the pile, look at it, and throw it back down on top of the pile.)

    Girl: “That must get really annoying.”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

    There Is Such A Thing As A Free Lunch

    | Montreal, Quebec, Canada |

    (I’m eating lunch at the front desk of our framing shop when I get called to the back. When I return to the front, I notice a customer standing in front of my sandwich at the desk.)

    Customer: “Hi.”

    Me: “Good afternoon. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “No.” *stares at my sandwich*

    Me: “Well, are you in need of assistance?”

    (The woman suddenly snatches up my sandwich.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s my lunch. Please give it back to me.”

    Customer: “I was walking by and I got hungry.”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s a deli down the street. Please do not eat my lunch.”

    Customer: “But it was on the counter. That means it’s complimentary! It’s my sandwich and I’m going to eat it.”

    (At this point, my coworker comes out the back.)

    Coworker, to me: “Isn’t that your lunch?”

    Customer: “It’s my lunch now! MINE.” *starts eating the sandwich* “This has MAYONNAISE in it!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Ham and mayo.”

    Customer: “I hate mayonnaise! It looks and tastes like sperm!” *throws my sandwich on the floor and runs out the door*

    Me: “…What just happened?”

    The Blood Of Not-So-Innocents

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I would like a discount on this shirt. It’s covered in blood! This is disgusting!”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry about this! I can give you a 10% discount.”

    (The customer looks through the rest of her purchase, which is also covered in blood.)

    Customer: “There’s blood on all of these clothes! This is DISGUSTING!”

    (A nearby customer notices what’s going on and chimes in.)

    Another customer: “Ma’am, your hand is bleeding.”

    Customer: “Well…er…I don’t bleed like that!”

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