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    Objects May Be Larger Than They Appear

    | Winter Park, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m fine. Yes. I would like to return this.” *sets down a family-sized box of cereal*

    Me: “All right…do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course. I just bought it yesterday.”

    Me: “Great! Oh, was there anything wrong with the item?”

    Customer: “Why, yes there was. It didn’t fit in my pantry!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Yes, it was too big! I bought it because it was such a good deal, and I brought it home and it didn’t fit! You really should put sizes on there or something.”

    (While listening to her I place a red defect sticker above the bar code on the box.)

    Customer: “There isn’t anything wrong with the cereal! I didn’t even open it!”

    Me: “But you took it home, and once food has been brought home, I have to defect it out if you’re returning it.”

    Customer: “What a waste!”

    Me: “Would you like this back on the card you paid with, or in cash?”

    Customer: “Cash, dear – I need some more cereal!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Opposite Day Strikes Again

    | Owatonna, MN, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “**** footwear, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, we’re on a trip up north, and are going to drive right past you guys in a couple of hours. We’re wondering if you had a particular shoe in stock? I even have the item number so you can look it up.”

    Me: “Wonderful!” *looking up item* “I’m sorry ma’am, that particular shoe is only carried in our catalog.”

    Customer: “Good, well, we don’t want to stop if you don’t have them there.”

    Me: “Yeah…well, I’m sorry to say we don’t have them here. The best we could do is order them for you.”

    Customer: “Ok, great, I’m a size 8, so if you could just put those on hold that’d be great. We’re on a trip and I just want to make a quick stop to pick them up.”

    Me: “I’m…sorry, ma’am, maybe you didn’t hear me. We do not have those shoes in this store.”

    Customer: “Ok, we’ll be there in a couple hours.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t have them. I don’t know how else to say this…. None, we have zero in stock; there’s really no need for you to come in, please…don’t come in.”

    Customer: “All right, we’ll see you then.” *hangs up*

    Me: “…”

    It Comes And Goes

    | Derby, UK |

    Customer: “Miss, is this a diet soda or a regular?”

    Me: “Diet, sir – it’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “Are you SURE it’s diet?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I poured it myself.”

    Customer: “Well, it had better be, because I’m allergic to sugar!”

    Me: *later, taking the food order* “…and what would you like for dessert, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I’ll have the chocolate cheesecake sundae.”

    Time To Expand

    | Conway, AR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Hotel Reservations, this is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have any rooms?”

    Me: “For what night?”

    Customer: “Tonight.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir; we’re all sold out.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, ‘sold out’?”

    Me: “That means we’ve sold all of our rooms for tonight.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have people who haven’t shown up yet?”

    Me: “Um…yes, but they’ve held their rooms with a credit card.”

    Customer: “Well, what does that mean?”

    Me: “If they don’t show up, we’re authorized to charge them, and it means that we must hold their rooms.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me that you don’t have ANY rooms?”

    Me: “No sir, we don’t.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You’re refusing to sell me empty rooms? And what hotel doesn’t have enough rooms?”

    Me: “Sir, we can only build so many rooms.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. May I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “I’m the manager on duty.”

    Customer: “Well, you’ve been no help at all. I’m going to be calling corporate about this.”

    Me: “About the fact that we’re sold out for the night?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Um…Ok.”

    Customer: “You’ve been very unhelpful!” *click*

    Not-So-Friendly Skies

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, when does the non-smoking sign go off?”

    Me: “It doesn’t. You’re not allowed to smoke on this flight.”

    Customer: “But it’s lit up! The seatbelt light turns off, and I think I need a smoke.”

    Me: “You’re not allowed to smoke on an airplane.”

    Customer: “I can’t just go outside and smoke, can I? *points to an emergency exit*

    Me: “Er…good luck with that….”


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