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    Batty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Toledo, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

    (I’m a customer at a grocery store. We’re in a snow storm and people have gone mad in preparation, buying most of the bread, eggs, and milk.)

    Customer: *inches from the cashier’s face* “MILK AND BREAD! MILK AND BREAD!”

    Cashier: *stunned*

    Customer: “I bet all the customers were like that today, huh? All those crazy people buying up all that stuff! But not me, I’m not crazy!” *walks away*

    Cashier: *nervously laughs while looking at me wide-eyed*

    Se Habla Japañol

    , | Springfield, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am taking orders on both lanes at the fast food restaurant. I already have other customers at the second window as someone pulls up to the menu board.)

    Customer: “Hablas español?” (“Do you speak Spanish?”)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

    Customer: “Hablas español?”

    (I say the only thing I know in Spanish.)

    Me: “Lo siento, pero no puedo hablar español. Solamente inglés o japonés.” (“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Only English or Japanese.”)

    Customer: *in heavily accented English* “I SPEAK JAPANESE TOO!”

    Me: “Hontoo? Nihongo o hanasu?” (“Really? You speak Japanese?”)

    Customer: “Soo desu yo! Shichi-ban ga hoshii, nomimono wa Sprite desu!” (“Yes I do! I want a number 7 with Sprite!”)

    Me: “Nani mo ga hoshii?” (“Would you like anything else?”)

    Customer: “Chotto.” (“No thank you.”)

    Me: “Hai soo desu, shichi doru san juu sento onegaishimasu. Ni-ban me fune de gozaimasu.”

    (The other customers at the second window are still there with a flabbergasted look on their faces. I hand them their food.)

    Me: “Don’t ask, it’d take too long to explain. Have a nice night.”

    Other Customers: “Sayonara!”

    No Civility, No Social Graces, No Service

    | North Carolina, USA | Money, Uncategorized

    (I am required to ask to see a customer’s credit card and ID if they make a credit purchase over $25.)

    Me: “Can I see your card and ID, please, sir?”

    Customer: “If my father were here, he’d call you a b****.”

    Me: “If your father were here, I’d ask him to leave.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I don’t tolerate that kind of language. Please leave.”

    Customer: *glares at me awhile longer, but eventually leaves the store*

    Gluing Up Appearances

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Uncategorized

    (This happened while I was working at an upscale restaurant in North Carolina. It’s during one of the worst droughts in history.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your table. It’s right by the window as requested.”

    Customer: “Can we have another table?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’d be glad to move you to another table, but this is the only one available near a window.”

    Customer: “Well, I just don’t want to look out at the dead tree.”

    Me: “Dead tree?”

    Customer: “Yes, you see that dead tree out there? Honestly, your groundskeeper should be doing a better job.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s because we are currently in a drought.”

    Customer: “So? He should at least water it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s against the law to water lawns and trees right now.”

    Customer: “Well, he should at least go and glue some fake leaves to the tree!”

    Time To Get Your Head(er) Checked

    | Logan, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Uncategorized

    (Note that I am wearing a name tag with my name on it. At the top of our receipts, it says ‘Your Cashier Was’ and lists my name)

    Customer: *looks at receipt* “Your name’s Footer? That’s a strange name.”

    Me: “Uh, no. My name’s [name], like it says on my name tag. Why would you think my name was Footer?”

    Customer: “Because this receipt says your name is Footer!”

    Me: “May I see that?”

    Customer: *hands me the receipt*

    Me: “It has the right name here at the top.”

    Customer: “No, down at the bottom.”

    (I look at the bottom of the receipt. It says “Footer: Thank you for shopping at [store], have a nice day!)

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