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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Like, OMG, You’re Stupid

    | Louisiana, USA | Top

    (I’m a desk assistant at a college dorm. One day, these two giggly freshman girls come up to me.)

    Girl #1: “Ummm… can we, like, borrow your phonebook?”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    Girl #1: *flips through the book, looking completely dumbfounded*

    Me: “Need help finding something?”

    Girl #2: *whispers* “Jason’s is under ‘J’.”

    Girl #1: *whispers back* “I know, but sometimes I forget the alphabet…”

    Girl #2: “OmiGAWD me too!”¬†*giggle giggle*

    (I grab the phonebook and look up their listing.)

    Me: “Here–Jason’s.”

    Girl #1: “Oh my GAWD thank you! They should really have a college course for, like, phone books! I’m not from this town, so, ya know…”

    The Knights Of Ni Say Boo

    | London, UK |

    (Before a performance of Spamalot, I was watching a young attendant walking up and down the aisle selling spam sandwiches the way other plays would sell ice cream.)

    Sandwich seller: “Spam sandwiches! Anyone care for a spam sandwich? Would anyone like to buy a spam sandwich?”

    Audience member: “What flavour are they?”

    Sandwich seller: “… spam.”

    Yeah, That Might Do It

    | Osan Air Base, Korea |

    Ticket log: “When I shake my computer, I get the blue screen of death”.

    Now Playing: Busted

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Top

    Me: “Welcome to [movie theater].¬†Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Two for [rated R movie].”

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Customer: ¬†”I don’t have any.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.”

    Customer: “But I’m 17! I’m allowed to see it!”

    Me: “Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be 21 to buy more than one.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!”

    (At this point he flashes daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.)

    Me: “So, let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?”

    Customer: “YEAH! WHAT OF IT?!”

    Me: ¬†”I’m sure the Raleigh Police Officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.”

    Related:
    Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers

    Oh, Give Me A Home Where The Jumbo Shrimp Roam

    | Canada |

    Me: “Can I help you with anything sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for some shrimp.”

    Me: “Shrimp is in the seafood department, right over there.”

    Customer: “See, I don’t want to boil them, I just want to barbecue them.”

    Me: “Okay, well, they should be in the seafood department.”

    Customer: “But I want to barbecue them. Could you get me a pound of shrimp?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have shrimp in the deli.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have any?”

    Me: “We only have deli meat and cheese in the deli. The seafood department has shrimp, just over there.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because shrimp are seafood… they live in the sea.”

    Customer: “… really?”


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