Featured:
  • Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
    (1,598 thumbs up)
  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    This Problem Has Been Addressed

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I haven’t been receiving my coupons in the mail! I want you to fix it!”

    Me: “Okay. Let me look you up in our system.”

    (The customer isn’t coming up under the phone number, last name, or zip code.)

    Customer: “Oh. When I signed up, I didn’t put that info down.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you guys mailing me junk!”

    Air Head Venting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “Yeah, the vents just turned on really suddenly.”

    Me: “The vents turned on suddenly?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is that a problem? Are you too hot or cold?”

    Caller: “No, at the moment I’m fine.”

    Me: “So, do you want to give me a call back if there’s a problem?”

    Caller: “Sure thing. I’ll keep an eye on the situation.”

    Demagnetized But Still Attracting Idiots

    | Cranberry Township, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I run a credit card through and my register can’t read it. I try a few times to be sure. The customer looks concerned, so I feel compelled to explain.)

    Me: “It looks like we’re having some issues reading the card. I’ll just enter the numbers manually.”

    Customer: What do you mean?

    Me: “Sometimes cards can be demagnetized or worn. We then have to enter their numbers manually.”

    Customer: “Demagnetized?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *scoffing* “Well, I know my card works!”

    Me: “It may have just been demagnetized, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well of course it was demagnetized! I would make sure it was!”

    (The customer remains adamant that her card was demagnetized. She is mistaking the meaning of the word for some sort of card activation. Manually entering the number worked, so I just played along.)

    A Tale Of Two Stores

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Uncategorized

    (I sometimes cover shifts in another store in our region. A customer had come in on one of my shifts at the other store. She was mad because we didn’t stock her size in a pair of pants and I had been unable to find another pair in our stock room. She now comes into my normal store the next day.)

    Customer: “Do you have these pants in [size]?”

    Me: “I can look it up in our system for you.”

    Customer: “That’s what the girl at [other store] did. She was so rude and lazy!”

    Me: “Was she?”

    Customer: “Yes! She said she had them, and then couldn’t find them. She was a real cow.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, our system is often wrong. I did the best I could to find the pants for you the other day. I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

    (The customer then realizes who she’s talking to. She is speechless.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t carry the pants in [size] in this particular store either. So sorry I couldn’t find them again.”

    (The customer leaves without a word.)

    Keeping Abreast Of The Book Filing

    | Woodinville, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am looking up a book for a little girl.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sweetie, my computer shows I’ve only got one copy of that book left. The display’s right over there. It’s empty, so that means someone else has it.”

    (A helpful customer overhears our conversation and produces the book.)

    Customer: “Actually, someone misplaced it. It was over there. Here you go!”

    Little girl, to me: “You must be almost as old as my mommy if you didn’t think to go do that!”

    Me: “Well, I could be. I don’t know. I don’t know how old your mommy is, sweetie.”

    (The little girl opens her mouth to tell us how old her mother is, but I interrupt her.)

    Me: “I don’t think she’d want you telling everyone how old she is, though.”

    Little girl: “Oh, no. That’s okay. She told my aunt on the phone this morning. After she sees the doctor next week, she won’t care if people know how old she is. They won’t believe it with her new boobies!”

    Page 1,779/2,665First...1,7771,7781,7791,7801,781...Last