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    Be Prepared… For Some Womanly Advice

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (Note: I’m a teenager and doing Girl Scout fund raising by bagging at a local grocery store. All the other lanes had baggers, leaving me at self-check out. A customer notices me reaching for his items.)

    Customer: “I… uh… please… uh… DON’T!”

    (I notice his purchase consists of condoms, roses, and chocolates.)

    Me: “Oh! So, anniversary, or did you just piss her off?”

    Customer: “The second.”

    Me: “That bad, eh?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and she hasn’t given me any since! What kind of bulls*** is that?”

    Me: “When did this start happening?”

    Customer: “Like a week ago! I don’t even know what I did wrong!”

    Me: “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for these?” *holds up the box of condoms*

    Customer: *sarcastically* “What would a Girl Scout know anyways? Since you’re the expert, why don’t you tell me what to do?”

    (I talk to the guy for around 15 minutes and he leaves. The next week, he comes in while I’m bagging as usual. Without a word, he comes up to me, hands me a $20 bill and leaves without buying anything.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

    Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

    Little girl: “Robert!”

    Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

    Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

    (Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 2

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (This was back in August of 2008, and I was just starting as a volunteer for the Barack Obama campaign.)

    Me: “Hi I’m calling on behalf of the Barack Obama Campaign for Change. Is [name] there?”

    Caller: “Barack Obama?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “Who’s he?”

    Me: “A candidate.”

    Caller: “For what?”

    Me: “President.”

    Caller: “President of what?”

    Me: “…the United States?”

    Caller: “I’M TALKING TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?”

    Me: “No, I’m just a volunteer.”

    Caller: “Oh okay. So go ahead, ask me the questions.”

    Me: “So which candidate do you support?”

    Caller: “Candidate for what?

    Me: “The United States.”

    Caller: “Oh, the election is this year?”

    Me: “Yes. So which candidate do you support?”

    Caller: “Well, I guess Obama, since he’s calling me.”

    Me: “Alright, good.”

    Caller: “Is he there?”

    Me: “Um… no, not right now.”

    Caller: “But I read on the news he’s supposed to be in Virginia.”

    Me: “Yeah, but not in Richmond.”

    Caller: “Oh, when will he get back?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, sir.”

    Caller: “Okay. Well, when he gets back, have him give me a call!”

    Me:“Uh… okay.”

    Caller: “You need the number?”

    Me: “No, sir, I’ve got it.”

    Caller: “Okay, he’d better call me and tell me to vote for him!”

    Related:
    Our Great Dumbocracy

    Food Chain Brain Drain

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

    Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

    Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

    Me: “Wait…if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you
    can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

    Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

    Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

    Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

    Another Blow To The Disney Slave Trade

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

    Customer: “O. M. G.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I get them?”

    Me: “Um, who?”

    Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

    Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

    Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

    Me: “Um…what?”

    Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

    Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

    Me: “…”

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