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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    And The Angels Sang

    | Sandy, OR, USA |

    Me, on overhead: “Good evening shoppers, the time is now 11 PM and your shopping center is now closed for the evening. Please bring all final purchases to the lit registers and thank you for shopping with us. Good night.”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Customer: “Can I still check out?”

    Cashier next to me: “Yes, come on in.”

    Customer: “I need to check some prices on a few items, can you do that for me?”

    Cashier: “I think everyone in that department has gone home, but I can check for you.”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Cashier: “That will be $174.34, please.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have enough money. Can I write you an IOU? I shop here all the time.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t take IOU’s.”

    Customer: “Then can you hold this until the morning, and I can come back?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t hold things overnight. Our policy states we can’t do that.”

    Customer: “So what… you’re trying to kick me out of the store?!”

    Cashier: “No, ma’am. If you’d like to take a few things off to afford your purchase, I’d be more than happy to check you out.”

    Customer: “FINE! I’m done!” *storms out of the store*

    Me, on overhead: “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”

    I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream…

    , | Pinehurst, NC, USA |

    Customer: “Oh, look at all this yummy gelato!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, the front row is gelato and the back row is ice cream.”

    Customer: “Okay, I want butter pecan.”

    (Butter pecan is in the back row, so it’s an ice cream. I scoop it for her.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just delicious. Do you have any regular ice cream and not gelato?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Like I said before, the back row is ice cream.”

    Customer: *stops eating suddenly* “What? But I wanted gelato!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I told you which ones were the gelatos. I can get you something else.”

    Customer: “But, but, but I wanted gelato!”

    Customer’s husband: “Quit your b****in’, I’ll eat it at home.”

    Related:
    Catastrophe Averted

    No Means No Means No

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I just got a new fish tank, and I was wondering what kind of fish I could put in it.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I proceed to show her some good starter fish. I point out some tetras, when she says…)

    Customer: “I thought that you needed a bubbler for those kinds of fish.”

    Me: “Oh! You don’t have a filter or anything?”

    Customer: “No. Just a tank.”

    Me: “Okay, well the only type of fish that can live in a bowl like environment are bettas.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want these kinds of fish!”

    Me: “Well, if you want to get anything else, you will have to purchase a filter and everything for your tank.”

    Customer: *points to some guppies* “So I can’t get these?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: *points to some mollies* “What about these?”

    Me: “No. With the tank set up you have, you can only get bettas.”

    Customer: “What about the platties?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “So I can’t get anything else?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “So I can’t get the barbs?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    The Coddling Stops Here

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I’m at customer’s house to try and repair a desk…)

    Me: “Well, it can’t be repaired, so I’ll have to order a new desktop. It could be a couple of weeks.”

    Customer: “So you’re taking this one with you right?”

    Me: “No, I can’t fit it in my vehicle.”

    Customer: ¬†”So you’ll be back for it then?”

    Me: “No, we don’t do delivery; henceforth, we don’t do pickups, either.”

    Customer: “But I bought it from your store!”

    Me: “… and you took it home from my store.”

    Customer: “Yeah, and it barely fit in my SUV!”

    Me: “But it did fit, and you took it home with you.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re going to need to pick it up. I’m not bringing it all the way back.”

    Me: “Stay with me here: you bought it, picked it up, took it to your home and discovered it had a problem. Now you want to disavow all responsibility? That isn’t how it works. If you got a blender home and it didn’t work, would you call the store and tell them to come pick it up?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “You’re remodeling your home, not paying me to do it. Don’t forget what that Y stands for in DIY.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “… can you help me put it in my car?”

    Natural Selection In Action, Part 2

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    Zoo visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?”

    Me: “No, lions are carnivores.”

    Zoo visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?”

    Me: “Sir, lions are well known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.”

    Zoo visitor: “Are you sure about that?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.”

    Zoo visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?”

    Me: “My point exactly.”

    Related:
    Natural Selection In Action


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