November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems, Part 2

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Uncategorized

(A customer is returning an electrical outlet with a remote control, and is complaining that the remote didn’t work.)

Customer: “I tried everything, made the right adjustments, but no matter what I do, the light that is supposed to blink on the remote does nothing.”

Me: “Let me have a look at this remote.”

Customer: “I’m also fairly certain that the outlets themselves are not working.”

(While he says that, I open up the remote control, and take out the battery.)

Me: “Have you tried unwrapping the plastic from the battery before inserting it?”

Customer: “You’re kidding, right? Even I wouldn’t be that stupid!”

(I unwrap the battery before him. His mouth falls open, and he makes a face palm.”

Customer: “No! This is not true!”

(I insert the unwrapped battery in the remote control, and try it. The light now blinks as it’s supposed too.)

Me: “It appears to be working now.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try the outlets at home. Maybe they work now, too.”

The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

| Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

(I tap him on the shoulder.)

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

Customer: “W-what?”

Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Where did you go to law school?”


Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

(The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

A Poser By Any Other Name

Ah, Fathers, Part 5

| New York, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays, Uncategorized

(I’m stocking the shelves. A male customer with a small child of about four comes up to me and asks if there is a post office near by. I tell him there is one a couple of blocks away. He looks at the
clock, then takes his son’s hand and prepares to walk out of the store. The child doesn’t want to go.)

Customer: *to the child* “Come on, we need to go to the post office. It’ll close soon.”

Child: “I want to look at toys.”

Customer: “We have to go now. We can come back later.”

Child: “You go. I’ll wait here and play.”

Customer: “You can’t.”

Child: “Why?”

Customer: “Because your dad will go to jail for that.”

(The child looks perplexed.)

Customer: *trying to explain* “Think smaller Christmas present. And you’ll have to stay with Grandma a lot.”

Ah, Fathers, Part 4
Ah, Fathers, Part 3
Ah, Fathers, Part 2
Ah, Fathers

Well, That Plan Is Out The Window

| Madison Heights, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [theater]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I had three coupons, but they flew out the window. Is there anything you can do for me?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, without the actual coupons there’s nothing we can do.”

Caller: “Are you kidding me!? I’ve been driving thirty or forty minutes to get there!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

Caller: “You are so rude! Is there a corporate number I can complain too.”

Me: “You can go on our website and file a complaint.”

Caller: “Well, can I complain to you?”

Me: “You already are.”

Hannah Montana, I Choose You

| Woburn, MA, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

Me: “Excuse me, do you need help?”

Customer: “Yes, actually. Would you happen to know what a good game for a seven year old boy? I need a present for my grandson.”

Me: “Well, you could always go with a classic Mario or Pokémon game.”

Customer: “Well what are those about?”

(I give a very general description, explaining the basics of the concepts since she was obviously new to video games.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Those sound very violent to me.”

Me: “Well, they’re very popular games, especially among young boys.”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “No, I think those games are too violent. I’ll just get him this one.”

(She picks up the latest Hannah Montana game for the DS and walks off.)

Chinchilla, I Choose You