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    Fanny Whack

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer walks in. His clothes a bit mismatched and he’s wearing a fanny pack. The eyes are bloodshot and he’s sporting a huge smile on his face. I’m relatively new at this point.)

    Me: “Hi sir, welcome to [deli], how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Um, yeah can I get some monkey brains?”

    (He’s completely serious if a little under the influence, so I go with it.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, we’re fresh out today, truck comes tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Dang, how about some mermaid?”

    Me: “Mermaid isn’t in season yet sir, but our tuna is pretty good.”

    Customer: “Bummer. Well how about your brownies, they got pot in them, right?”

    Me: “No sir, we switched bakeries just last week.”

    (After ordering about half of our menu and asking if everything that had a green dot next to it [indicating something organic] had pot in it, he pays and eventually leaves. I’m left in tears as I’m laughing so hard. When my manager asks me what’s going on, I explain what happened.)

    Manager: “D***! I missed Fanny Pack Guy?!”

    Battling For The Answer

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

    Patron: “Yeah, my son’s doing some project and he needs some books on some sort of revolution.”

    Me: “Okay, so he can pick any revolution to do the project on?”

    Patron: “No, he’s doing it on The Revolution. Where do I find books on that?”

    Me: “Which revolution? American? French? Haitian? Industrial? There were a lot.”

    Patron: “I think he said it was the one that had a lot of battles.”

    What Came First, The Idiot Or The Egg

    | Tasmania, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

    (After scanning some eggs I open the box look inside and close it again.)

    Customer: “Why are you looking it the egg carton?”

    Me: “I’m checking to make sure there are no broken ones.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it was to make sure people weren’t stealing stuff by hiding it in the eggs…”

    Language Barrier Drives A Wedge Between Us

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (Our snack bar sell typical snack bar type stuff, like popcorn and pretzels, as well as pizzas. Two clearly foreign women come to the counter and look at the menu for a few moments.)

    Me: “What can I get you tonight?”

    Customer #1: “You have pizza?”

    Me: “Yes, I have a cheese pizza coming out of the oven in just a minute, and a pepperoni ready right now.”

    Customer #1: “You have wedgie?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer #2: “You have wedgie deluxe?”

    Me: “I don’t think so.”

    (I suddenly realize that they’re trying to say ‘Veggie’.)

    Me: “No, we don’t. We only have cheese and pepperoni.”

    Customer #1: “No wedgie toppings?”

    Me: *trying very hard not to crack up laughing* “No, sorry, just cheese and pepperoni.”

    (They thank me and walk away. A few moments later, they return and order the cheese pizza.)

    Customer #1: “You should get wedgie. I love it.”

    IQ Phone Home

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [phone support]. What appears to be the problem?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m calling because I have been unable to make phone calls from my home phone.”

    Me: “Ma’am, what phone are you calling from right now?”

    Caller: “My home phone, why?” *pause* “Wait, you’ve fixed it! Thank you!” *hangs up*

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