Overly Positive

| New Zealand | Uncategorized

(A customer approaches the counter with a huge smile on his face.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! How can I help today?”

Customer: “I need to find a ring for my girlfriend.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Is this a ring for a special occasion?”

Customer: “Yes! We just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant, and I want to give her a ring to celebrate.”

Me: “Congratulations! How far along is she?”

Customer: “Only a few days. See, look. The test was positive!”

(The customer pulls out the used pregnancy test, which indicates a positive result. He tries to wave it in my face.)

Customer: “Do you want to see?”

Me: “I really don’t need to see. I believe you.”

Taxing Faxing, Part 9

| WI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to open an account.”

Me: “I can help you. It appears your employer requires you use a specific internet site to do that.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You have to go on the internet to a specific site to fill out the application.”

Customer: “What if I don’t have a computer?”

Me: “That’s okay. I can fax or mail one to you.”

Customer: “You guys will mail me a computer?!”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
Taxing Faxing, Part 7
Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’m alive.”

Me: “That’s good. Find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yeah. Because if I wasn’t alive, I’d be dead. Or a zombie.”

Me: “I guess you would.”

Customer: “Do you like zombies?”

Related:
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Making A Rash Decision

| VA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like a cinnamon crunch bagel with honey walnut cream cheese, and a cup of coffee.”

Customer’s sister: “What?!”

Customer: “I can handle it.”

Customer’s sister, to me: “She’s allergic to walnuts.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’m not too allergic.”

Me: “Uhm..”

Customer: “I’ll just break out into a rash. I won’t die or anything. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Me: “I’m not so sure I—”

Customer: “It’s just so good. I can’t help it!”

Blind-siding Stereotypes

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a start-up company in a very small office space that used to be a window shades store. We occasionally get people knocking on the door looking for the old business. A gentleman knocks on the door and I talk to him.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought these blinds, and they don’t fit my window.”

Me: “Oh, you’re at the wrong place. That was the last tenant. This isn’t a shade store anymore.”

Customer: “Oh, but in the phone book this is listed.”

Me: “I know. He hasn’t updated it. We’re not a shade shop. I hope you get help with your problem.”

Customer: “Well, you might be able to help. You’re a woman. Women put up blinds a lot.”

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