Say No To Yes

| NY, USA |

Customer: “Hello.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Where do you have–wait, did you say ‘Yes’?”

Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I said ‘Hello,’ and you said ‘Yes.’ Is that what just happened?”

Me: “I believe so.”

(She rolls her eyes and quickly walks out the store.)

Jingling, It Would Seem, Is Not The Key

| QC, Canada |

(I’m working in the cheese section of the deli, with my back turned to the meat slicer. Suddenly, I hear jingling. I check the floor to see if I dropped something, then continue working.)

*jingling resumes*

(I turn around and notice a customer at the meat slicer counter, jingling his keys at me. He then starts making noises one would use to call a pet.)

Me: “Sir, we have bell.”

Customer: *looks at bell*

Customer: *pauses*

Customer: *jingles keys*

Kids Pop The Best Questions

| Redding, CA, USA |

(I’m currently 8 months pregnant with a little boy, and in my anticipation of my impending motherhood I love chatting to the little ones that come through my line.)

Me: “How old are you?”

Boy: “I’m four, but I am three feet tall which is really tall for my age. I am just going to get bigger and bigger and bigger, just like you are going to get fatter and fatter and fatter.”

(I laugh hysterically.)

Mother: “Honey, she isn’t fat. There’s a baby in there.”

Boy: *wide eyes* “How do they get a baby in there? Why is she working?”

Mother: “I don’t know why she is working.”

Me: “I’m going to have a little boy just like you who is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger.”

Boy: *panicked and near tears* “But you’ll pop!”

Black Ops To Get You Black Listed

| MN, USA |

Customer: “Hi. I have a question for you guys. I haven’t been able to log in to Xbox Live. Has there been an outage?”

Me: “Not that I’m aware of. Have you done anything while online that might have gotten you banned?”

Customer: “No. I’ve only been playing the one game and no one is even online when I check!”

Me: “I think you might have to call their tech support. They should be able to help you out.”

Customer: “Oh, alright. Anyway, I also want to cancel my pre-order for Black Ops.”

Me: “Okay. I can do that for you. May I ask why?”

Customer: “I’ve already got it.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I already have it. Nobody’s online, though.”

Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you’ve been playing a game that hasn’t been released and that you are actively going online with it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “I think I’ve figured out why you can’t get on Xbox Live.”

Some Behavior Is Beyond Brief

| Rye Town, NY, USA |

(I am a saleswoman who had to organize the men’s underwear about 10 minutes before a customer walked in.)

Me: “Hello ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need [pair of underwear] in a size medium.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry, but we are out of that particular size in that brand.”

Customer: “No, I do not believe you. Can you not check?”

Me: “I can assure you I organized the underwear not too long ago, but I would love to check for you. If we do not have it, I can order it for you.”

(I recheck, and the underwear is not there.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, would you like me to order it for you?”

Customer: “No, I will go somewhere else.”

(As she leaves, she passes by my manager.)

Customer: *whispering loudly* “Do you know your female employee spends her free time in men’s underwear?”

Manager: “Do you know I make her?”

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