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    Zombies Need Tech Support Too

    | Newcastle, UK | Uncategorized, Zombies

    Me: “Thank you for calling [technology firm]. How can I help?”

    Caller: “I’ve been charged £60 by you, and I’m not sure why.”

    Me: “Okay, what does the bank charge say?”

    Caller: “It’s [technology firm] service.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s the name of a annual subscription we offer.”

    Caller: “Oh. I think my husband has that, but I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Well, can you check with him? We don’t want to cancel if he uses it.”

    Caller: “Well, I’d like to ask him. But he died on Tuesday, so I can’t get in contact with him.”

    Me: “I think we can probably cancel that for you.”

    Related:
    Zombies Need Healthcare Too
    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

    Concession Confession

    | PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer approaches with a half empty bucket of popcorn.)

    Customer: “Excuse, but this popcorn made me feel really sick.”

    Me: “I am so sorry. Was it too salty?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What can you do for me?”

    (The guest’s daughter, who looks about 8 years old, speaks up.)

    Guest’s daughter: “Then why did you eat the whole thing and get a refill?”

    Me: “I am sorry, but there really isn’t anything we can do for you.”

    (The guest walks away, telling the little girl how she needs to keep quiet.)

    Interior Design Supports Parental Decline

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (It’s 9 pm and the hotel is sold out. A guest calls from the 8th floor. Note: our rooms have exterior entrances.)

    Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

    Guest: “I was wondering, do you had any rooms on a lower floor? My grandson is only two, but he can reach the safety lock. He keeps trying to go outside.”

    Me: “The only rooms we have available tonight are on the 6th floor. I can set you up for a room transfer tomorrow, if you like?

    Guest: “That would be great!”

    Me: “I’ll look for one all the way to the ground floor. Is that okay?”

    Guest: “That would be fine, thank you. I just don’t want my grandson getting outside, you know.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and set you up for that. But just to let you know, the ground floor hasn’t been renovated yet. The room is going to be a little outdated. The renovation has only reached the 6th floor.”

    Guest: “Oh really? You know what? Packing all my things up might be a little difficult. It’s okay, never mind!”

    I Am The Robot, Goo Goo G’joob

    | Vallejo, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work in the walrus exhibit at the park answering questions about the animals. One of our four walruses has metal caps on her teeth because she scrapes them on the ground constantly.)

    Guest: “Hey, I have a question about the walrus with the metal teeth.”

    Me: “Ah, yes. That is an interesting story! See, she–”

    Guest: “So, why is that walrus a robot?”

    Me: “Sorry, what? A robot?”

    Guest: “Yeah, that’s the only one with metal teeth. You can tell it is a robot. Why would you put a robot walrus in with the real ones? Or are they all robots?”

    Redefine Online

    | KY, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work in the warehouse for a large, online-only retailer. I am standing outside talking to friends at the bus stop. A man drives past, slowing down to talk to me.)

    Driver: “Hey, what’s this place here?”

    Me: “It’s a warehouse for [online retailer]. This is where we ship out orders and whatnot.”

    Driver: “So, I can go in there and pack up my own stuff to take home?”

    Me: “No, you order things online. We process it, pack it, and then send it to you.”

    Driver: “Wait. This isn’t a store?”

    Me: “No, sir. We’re online only.”

    Driver: “Well, then why do you have facilities? Doesn’t all that internet stuff come from the internet?”

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