The Deaf-initive Guide To Parenting

| San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at the disability services office at a major university. We have an open house event.)

Parent: “What sorts of services you offer for students with hearing impairments?”

Me: “Oh, lots. We have real-time captioners–”

Parent: “Oh, like on TV.”

Me: “Yeah, sort of. The captioner attends the class and types the captions in real time.”

Parent: “Oh, cool. Well, my son’s hearing impairment is pretty mild, so I doubt he’ll need any of that. But I told him it’ll be important to hook up with your office because of extra funding and stuff. These days it’s all about the money, baby.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s true. There’s a certain amount of money available for students with disabilities. It can’t hurt to have him
come see us. Feel free to have him email or call, and we’ll set him up with an appointment.”

Parent: “Oh, he won’t be needing that for a while. He’s only five. I’m just trying to get a jump on things.”

Overly Positive

| New Zealand | Uncategorized

(A customer approaches the counter with a huge smile on his face.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! How can I help today?”

Customer: “I need to find a ring for my girlfriend.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Is this a ring for a special occasion?”

Customer: “Yes! We just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant, and I want to give her a ring to celebrate.”

Me: “Congratulations! How far along is she?”

Customer: “Only a few days. See, look. The test was positive!”

(The customer pulls out the used pregnancy test, which indicates a positive result. He tries to wave it in my face.)

Customer: “Do you want to see?”

Me: “I really don’t need to see. I believe you.”

Taxing Faxing, Part 9

| WI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to open an account.”

Me: “I can help you. It appears your employer requires you use a specific internet site to do that.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You have to go on the internet to a specific site to fill out the application.”

Customer: “What if I don’t have a computer?”

Me: “That’s okay. I can fax or mail one to you.”

Customer: “You guys will mail me a computer?!”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
Taxing Faxing, Part 7
Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’m alive.”

Me: “That’s good. Find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yeah. Because if I wasn’t alive, I’d be dead. Or a zombie.”

Me: “I guess you would.”

Customer: “Do you like zombies?”

Related:
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Making A Rash Decision

| VA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like a cinnamon crunch bagel with honey walnut cream cheese, and a cup of coffee.”

Customer’s sister: “What?!”

Customer: “I can handle it.”

Customer’s sister, to me: “She’s allergic to walnuts.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’m not too allergic.”

Me: “Uhm..”

Customer: “I’ll just break out into a rash. I won’t die or anything. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Me: “I’m not so sure I—”

Customer: “It’s just so good. I can’t help it!”

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