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    The World: America’s Theme Park

    | Kuranda, Australia |

    (Note: this takes place at our cafe in Kuranda, Australia.)

    Tourist: “Lady, how about we make a deal? I wanna buy this bottle from you.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. We only have four of the blue ones and they’re not for sale.”

    Tourist: “So you’re telling me I can’t buy this?”

    Me: “Yes… I know it’s a nice bottle, but we do need it for the water.”

    Tourist: “Lady, I don’t think you understand what I’m getting at.”

    (The tourist pulls a wad of US money from his wallet.)

    Tourist: “I got REAL money here!”

    Related:
    Imperialism At Its Finest

    Testing The Testers

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “**** Admissions, this is ****. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello. A man called me from your office yesterday. Can you tell me who that was?”

    Me: “Well, there are a number of men who work in our office. Do you remember his name?”

    Caller: “It was a man.”

    Me: “I understand that, ma’am. However, there are five men in our office who could have called you.”

    Caller: “Can you list them for me?”

    (I proceed to list the males who work in our office.)

    Caller: “No, those don’t sound right.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those are the only men who work in this office.”

    Caller: “It was a man!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand. However, I can’t help you unless you know any more details. Can you tell me what the call was regarding?”

    Caller: “It was a man! That’s all I know! Please transfer me to the man who called me! You should be able to know who called me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t track calls that go out. That’s a privacy issue. However, if you could just give me some details…”

    Caller: “My son’s name is ****. Why can’t you figure out who called me?!”

    (I proceed to look up the counselor responsible for her son’s area of the country.)

    Me: “All right, I have the name of the man right here. Would you like me to transfer you?”

    Caller: “No, it’s all right. I’ll call him myself.” *hangs up*

    The Child May Get A Himself Complex

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    (I was working at the registers as a lady walked in with a child in a stroller. One of the other employees walked up to her.)

    Employee: “Aw, what a cute baby. What’s his name?”

    Customer: “God.”

    Employee: “You named the kid after God?”

    Customer: “No, I named him God.”

    Take Two Megabytes And Call Me In The Morning

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling Customer Support, my name is ****. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “I would like to cancel my prescription to the Internet.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you said…prescription?”

    Customer: “Yes, I went with a high speed provider! I don’t need my prescription with you any more!”

    Me: “…have you checked to see if that was OK with your doctor?”

    The Force Is Strong In This One

    , | Canada |

    Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this item.”

    Me: “Ok, what was the problem?”

    Customer: “I just don’t need it anymore.”

    Me: “Ok, do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s from six months ago.”

    Customer: “Yes you can…” *waves hands in the air*

    Me: “I’m sorry, no I can’t. I would get in a lot of trouble.”

    Customer: “No you won’t…” *waves hands in the air again*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not going to do that.”

    Customer: *turns and leaves*

    Me, to coworker: “Did I just get Jedi mind-tricked?”

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