One of our new hosting staff takes a call from a customer.

Host: “Let me check for you, but I’m preeeetty sure it’s made out of metal.”

They call me over.

Host: “Hey, [My Name], this customer is asking if we have a wood grill. Pretty stupid, right?”

Me: “Yeah… so stupid. Hey, let me take that call for you!”

I work in a library. I was out on medical leave for a few months and was massively anxious about returning to work without having fully healed and how it would affect my ability to help patrons. I made it back to work and had my first desk shift in months.

A man needed help downloading and printing something. I gave him several suggestions about how to proceed when he interrupted me.

Patron: “The other girl who helped me did something different.”

He would reference this “other girl” several times.

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. No children work in the building, so I’m not sure who could have been helping you in the past.”

Patron: *Stammering* “Well, you know, like a bigger, older girl.”

Me: “Do you mean a woman?”

Patron: “Well, yeah, that’s just what I call ’em…”

He trailed off with what I hoped was shame while I continued to troubleshoot his download. When I finished helping the gentleman, I took a victory lap in the workroom proclaiming that I was back, bay-BEE!

I sniffed out the person who kept stealing my lunch at work by making it extra, extra spicy and noticing the culprit running to the kitchen for cold water.

After it came out what I had done, they reported me to Human Resources.

Human Resources: “Do you know why you’re here today?”

Me: “To discuss how I am going to be compensated for having a coworker stealing my lunch for months?”

Human Resources: “Uh… no. There has been a complaint made against you for deliberately poisoning a coworker.”

Me: “Either you’re not being serious, or you’re not aware of the facts. My accuser —or let’s just say her name, [Coworker], since we all know who it is — was stealing my homemade food for months, and she was only caught because I made my sandwich extra spicy one day and she couldn’t handle it. I should be reporting her to HR for theft.”

Human Resources: “So, are you admitting that you intentionally made your lunch extra spicy to bring harm to a coworker?”

Me: “I’ll admit that if you can admit what we all know: that [Coworker] is only able to make this ridiculous complaint in the first place because she slept with [Boss] on the company trip to Colorado and now she can get away with anything she wants.”

Human Resources: “Unsubstantiated office rumor is not why we’re here, and I’d advise you to not engage in such conversations as that is an HR violation.”

Me: “Just like how I decided I wanted to put some peppers into my sandwich one day is an HR violation?”

Human Resources: “The sandwich had sixteen habanero peppers.”

Me: “I like spicy.”

Human Resources: “Just… don’t do it again.”

Me: “So now HR is dictating to me what I am allowed to eat?”

Human Resources: “That’s not what we’re saying!”

Me: “You literally just told me not to put something I like in my sandwich.”

Human Resources: “No one can reasonably say that was a normal level of spice to put in one sandwich!”

Me: “So now you’re attacking my culture?”

Human Resources: “What culture?”

Me: “I come from a long line of Irish spicemasters who love spicy food.”

Human Resources: “There’s no such thing.”

Me: “So now you’re erasing my culture?”

Human Resources: “…”

Me: “…”

Human Resources: “Just… go back to work.”

Me: “Gladly.”

My coworker was not happy when she found out I didn’t even get a slap on the wrist. When I brought in a plain egg and mayo sandwich a few days later and announced to the office kitchen that I couldn’t handle spicy food, it didn’t make her much happier.

A bickering couple comes up to me as I am working behind the counter.

Male Customer: “Excuse me, but are you a Mormon?”

Me: “Uh… yes?”

Male Customer: “Excellent! We finally found one! Can you please tell my wife you’re allowed to have as many wives as you want?”

Me: “That’s… not true. We only take one wife.”

Female Customer: “Hah! See?! I told you!”

Male Customer: “Huh… I always thought Mormons were allowed multiple wives.”

Me: “It’s a common misconception, sir.”

Male Customer: “Well then, what’s the point of all that missionary stuff you’ve all gotta do if not to find yourselves some decent wives?”

Me: “It’s purely to preach, sir.”

Male Customer: “What a waste of time!”

Female Customer: “Don’t mind him. He’s just bored every Sunday at church and is feeling around for other options…”

Related:
Not A Fan Of Poly-gab-at-me

When you sign up to be a driver for [Delivery Service], you are informed that you must use your red insulated [Service] bag to pick up and deliver the food you are delivering — obviously for food quality purposes.

I was a manager for a fast food chain. When we started paying [Service] to deliver our food, [Fast Food Chain] made a point to put in the contract with [Service] that the red bag was required for the driver to even be able to pick up our food — again, for food quality purposes. Fries don’t keep. I will also add that, for this reason, we did not make the fries until the driver arrived to pick the food up so they were as fresh as possible. (It took three minutes, so it wasn’t a huge inconvenience for said driver.)

Ninety-nine percent of the time, if a driver came in without their bag, we would ask if they had it, and normally, it would be in their car, so we would begin making the fries while they went to their car to get it. If they didn’t have it, we wouldn’t give them the order. (And [Service] would refund the customer.)

Then, there was one driver who came in: a Black woman who may have been in her early thirties.

Driver: “I don’t have my [Service] bag.”

Me: *Calmly* “Without your bag, I cannot give you the order.”

She started yelling and cursing at me. Finally, I looked at her and said:

Me: “Look, lady, you can stand here and cause a scene all you want, but you will not be leaving my store with this order.”

Driver: “Fat white b****.” *Leaves*

A few days later, the same lady came in and still didn’t have her bag.

Me: “Look, you know you’re supposed to have your bag. When you sign up to work for [Service], you are told that. Now, I’m sorry, but I cannot give you this order without an insulated bag. I honestly would have no issue giving you the order if you had any type of thermal insulated bag. There is a [Retail Chain] a few doors down. If you can just go purchase any type of thermal insulated bag from there for $5 or less and bring it back, I will gladly give you the food and $5 out of my pocket to cover the cost of the bag.”

She did that, and I stuck to my word and gave her the order and $5.

Less than an hour later, I received an email on the computer in the office saying there was a customer complaint. They were threatening to take legal action and to go to social media to tell their “extensive list of followers” about how they “were treated”. It was from the freaking [Service] driver, saying I had called her racial slurs and belittled her for being a delivery driver, and that she had proof.

I sent an email back requesting said proof and warning her that if she went to social media without the so-called proof she had, then she would be sued for slander. There was no response after that. I called [Service] and had her blocked from delivering for my store.

About a week went by, and here she came again. This time, she came to the counter, told me who she was picking up an order for (through a different deliver service), and said:

Driver: “Ask me for my bag.”

Me: *Looking her dead-a** in the face* “You dont have to have a bag to deliver for [Service #2].”

She was PISSED!

(Honestly, it makes no sense to me why it’s a big deal for [Service] drivers to have their bags when [Service #2] doesn’t have bags, but hey, it’s a rule for [Service] and is in the contract between them and [Fast Food Chain], so I’m following direct orders from my district and regional managers.)

Anyway, I got a call about forty-five minutes after [Driver] left with the order. It was the customer she was supposed to be delivering to, saying she never received her order. I took care of my customer and remade her food (for free, obviously), and her husband came and picked it up.

Customer’s Husband: “The driver finally arrived about five minutes after my wife got off the phone with you, but the food wasn’t edible.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Is there anything else you’d like that you didn’t order? That will also be free of charge.”

Customer’s Husband: “No, it’s okay. I understand that it’s not your fault.”

He was kind, but I still felt terrible.

I came to find out that the customers only lived five minutes from the store, so there really was no reason their food should’ve taken that long to get to them. I called [Service #2] and had [Driver] blocked from delivering for us with them, too, and I have yet to see the proof she supposedly had of me calling her racial slurs.