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    Pretty Obvious

    | OR, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work for a wireless service company. I’m taking a look over a customer’s account to determine if he’s eligible for a discount on a new phone.)

    Customer: “You sound really pretty. Way prettier than the last girl I talked to here.”

    Me: “I can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “I’m not saying that to get anything from you, I just think you sound pretty.”

    Me: “I still can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “Well then, you sound equally as pretty as the last girl!”

    Queer As Folk Re-Vamped

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hey. You were talking about vampire books with the last customer?”

    Me: “The’yre here on the wall next to the counter.”

    Customer: “Do you have any gay ones?”

    Me: “Do you mean as in homoerotic literature?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Oh, no. Have you tried [romance bookshop] across the road?”

    Customer: “Why would I go there? I just want gay vampires.”

    Me: “Well that’s generally a subsection of romance, not Sci-Fi.”

    Customer: “I don’t want romance! I just want gay vampires!”

    How Not To Curry Favor

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, am I calling India? Because I don’t want to be talking to some outsourced guy.”

    Me: “No, sir, you are not.”

    Customer: “I’ve been watching this TV show about how they can disguise their accents. How do I really know you aren’t in India?”

    Me: “Sir, we are based out of Los Angeles.”

    Customer: “Well, prove it then. What’s the capital of Los Angeles?”

    Blind To Reason, Part 3

    | Ballwin, MO, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. May I help you?”

    Caller: *frustrated* “My husband has been in your store for over an hour and no one is helping him! I sent him in to match a red and white fabric!”

    Me: “Okay, can you give me his description? I’ll send someone out to look for him.”

    (The caller gives me her husband’s description, and another employee tries to find him. Five minutes later, the woman calls back.)

    Caller: *angrily* “Hi, I’m the one whose husband isn’t getting any help at your store. He’s trying to match a red and white fabric for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I sent someone out to look. Do you know where he is in the store? That would help us locate him.”

    Caller: “He says he’s by the red fabric. By the way, he’s color blind.”

    Related:
    Blind To Reason, Part 2
    Blind To Reason

    Customers Cause A Pounding Headache

    | Bensalem, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like a pound of Tilapia, please.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I put 3 pieces on the scale, and the weight comes to 1.02 pounds.)

    Me: “Is that good?”

    Customer: *sighs, then sounding utterly dejected* “Good enough.”

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