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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    And Her Roots Were Blonde

    | Terrace, B.C., Canada |

    (I’m working a graveyard shift, it’s 3:00 AM, a girl comes in, obviously more than mildly inebriated.)

    Customer: “Ummmm… so, I came in here an hour ago, and bought a Pepsi, and I like, took a drink of it just now, there was like, a hair in the Pepsi. Can I get another one for free?”

    Me: “Do you mean there was a hair in the bottle when you drank it?”

    Customer: “No, um, like, I took a drink, and one of my hairs got in my mouth at the same time, and I guess I bit it off and drank it too, and that was really gross so I like, threw the Pepsi away.”

    Me: “So you swallowed your own hair, and you want me to pay for your Pepsi to make up for it?”

    Customer: “Exactly! I’m sooooo glad you understand me!”

    Me: “Um, no. You’re gonna have to pay, actually.”

    Customer: “Aww, I knew that wouldn’t work. I /told/ him that wouldn’t work. He like, told me I was cute enough that you’d give me free stuff, but I knew it wouldn’t work. Oh well, I’ll pay, I guess!”

    (She goes to the cooler and starts tapping on the lids of various bottles with her finger, before deciding on one half-way back on the rack, requiring her to take a dozen bottles off before getting to hers, and coming to the counter with it, leaving the rest on the floor.)

    Me: “Um… what were you doing?”

    Customer: “Checking for a fresh one! They like, sound different! You work here, you should totally know that! You’re not very good at your job, are you?”

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    On The Bright Side, She Never Gets Brain Freezes

    Well, That Narrows It Down

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    (The guy asks for a couple of beef brisket sandwiches, but has not specified the type of bread.)

    Me: “Sir, what type of bread would you like with your sandwiches?”

    Customer: “Uhhh…”

    Me: “We have wheat, rye, white, sourdough, 9 grain…”

    Customer: “Do you have that one, you know, the square kind?”

    Strange Math In These Here Parts

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “What time is check in at your hotel?”

    Me: “3 pm.”

    Customer: “And check out?”

    Me: “11 am.”

    Customer: “Ok, so we got 4 hours.”

    Me: “Um, yeah…”

    When You Care Enough To Send…Something

    | Perrysburg, OH, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “So you want a dozen roses…what color would you like? Red?”

    Customer: “NO! Not red! Let’s do pink…red means love, and I don’t want love. I just want to get laid!”

    Me: “OK…pink roses it is.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Quantity Does Not Equal Quality

    | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi – could you send me one of your free connection CDs?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?”

    Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?”

    Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!”

    (I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They in turn removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.)


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