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    Random Acts Of Whininess

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, what is that stuff in your greek salad? Gor-gon-zalla?”

    Me: “Gorgonzola. It is a type of cheese.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, can I get a Diet Coke?”

    Me: “Sorry, we only have Diet Pepsi.”

    Customer: *suddenly angry* “Let me see your manager, NOW!”

    (I retreat to the back and send up my manager. He has a three minute round with the customer. The customer departs, yelling, “I’m gonna sue you and your whole d*** company!” before storming out the door.)

    Me: “What was he so mad about?”

    Manager: “I was about to ask you the same thing. What did he ask you for?”

    Me: “Cheese on our Greek salad and diet soda. What was he talking to you about?”

    Manager: “The speed-dating event that was held here last night.”

    Baby On Board; Mother, Not So Much

    | Apex, NC, USA |

    (A woman comes up to our movie theater with four small girls and a baby in a carrier.)

    Customer: “Hi, four children and one adult to Hannah Montana, please.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be $32.00.”

    Customer: *rummages around in her purse* “Oh, shoot! I’ve forgotten my wallet in the car. I’ll be right back.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    Customer: “Girls, you stay here with the nice lady…” *looks at me* “Should I leave the baby here, or take it with me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, please take your infant with you!”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Girls, be good!”

    Love The Art, Hate His Parts

    | Orem, UT, USA | Top

    (A young woman walks up to the registers with a book.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this notebook.”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “Yes, there’s a naked man on the front cover.”

    Me: “Uh, that’s Leonardo Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man.”

    Customer: “He’s naked.”

    Me: “It’s a five hundred-year-old drawing.”

    Customer: *hissing* “HE’S NAKED.”

    Me: “…would you like store credit?”

    Solar Spaciness

    | Sydney, Australia |

    (A customer is looking at light-powered watches.)

    Me: “It needs to be charged with 8 hours of direct sunlight or lamp light before it will keep time.”

    Customer: “Does it have to be Australian sunlight, or can I take it to England and use it there?”

    Desperate For Dessert

    | Quebec, Canada |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell pie here?”

    Me: “Um, no this is [department store]. We sell clothes.”

    Customer: “I don’t want clothes. I want pie.”

    Me: “You can go across the street to the supermarket.”

    Customer: “But I hear that your pie is the best in town.”

    Me: “You’ve obviously heard wrong; we don’t sell pie here.”

    Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! I know there’s pie! Where is it?!”

    Me: “Sir, there is no pie…”

    Customer: “F*** you, are you profiling me? Just because I’m African-American you won’t sell me pie? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!”

    Me: *giving up* “…OK sir, fine, you’re right. Go downstairs, go out the door and walk across the street. That’s where we sell the pie.”

    Customer: “It’s about time…”

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