Readin’, Ritin’, And Retrievin’

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, you have reached [high school]. How can I help you?”

Parent: “My son left his cell phone at the convenience store three blocks over. Can you go get it?”

A Dogged Request

| Oregon, USA | Uncategorized

(My boss, the groomer, does a thing called “stripping”, which is basically plucking the hairs off the body of a wiry-haired dog with a special brush. My coworker answers the phone and I’m right there listening to the conversation. It’s a man who owns an Irish Terrier.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to speak to your stripper!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I need to make an appointment with your stripper!”

Coworker: “Um, do you mean our groomer?”

Customer: “I don’t know what you’re saying. I need the stripper to strip my Irish dog!”

Coworker: “All right. I’m just gonna put you on hold so I can put the…stripper…on the line.”

Getting Shorted

| Miami, FL, USA | Top

(At our store, we sell individual tea bags for fifty cents each. Free hot tap water and a foam cup come with each bag sold. One customer, a man in his thirties, has been coming in and buying a single bag of tea every Sunday for two years, but he never takes the water or the cup.)

Customer: “I’d like a refund of $50 please.”

Me: “We don’t sell anything that expensive.”

Customer: “Well, I bought 100 of those herbal mixes and they haven’t done a d*** thing.”

Me: “You mean the tea you buy every week?”

Customer: “No, the herbal mixes in the little yellow packets.”

Me: “Yes, that’s tea.”

Customer: “You mean it won’t make my man parts larger?”

Me: “No, it’s a beverage.”

Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.”

(He leaves, disappointed. I never saw him again.)

Close Encounters Of The Eighth Kind

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working in the box office on a slow afternoon. A customer comes in and stares at the board for few minutes.)

Customer: “What is the difference between Super 8 and Super 8-D?”

Me: “The ‘D’ means those showtimes are digital instead of 35mm.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought maybe it was in eight dimensions.”

(Not So) Smooth Counterfeiting

| Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

(I am ringing up a customer when he hands me a 100 dollar bill.)

Me: “Alright, I just need to check it really quick.”

(I hold the bill up to the light.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I just printed it.”

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