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    This Medicine Doesn’t Really Hit The Spot

    | TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. What can I help you with?

    Caller: “I just bought some [acne medication]. I was wondering if you could, uh… use it on herpes?”

    Me: “On herpes? [Acne medication] is a treatment for acne only.”

    Caller: “So can I put it on my junk or not?”

    This Customer Did A Number On You

    | Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business].”

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Good morning. You’re through to [business].”

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Is this [person’s name]?”

    Me: “No. You have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “I don’t have the wrong number!”

    Me: “Are you looking to buy a computer?”

    Caller: “A computer?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. A computer.”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Then you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “I think I have the wrong number.”

    Business Must Be Slow

    | UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to [phone company]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’ve just tried to top up my phone and it won’t work. Can you put it back on?”

    Me: “Sorry, that number is now cancelled. It cannot be reactivated as it has been recycled.”

    Customer: *horrified* “How dare you! That number belongs to me! It is absolutely vital I get that number back. It is my business number! You people are costing me money and putting my livelihood at risk! I’ll sue! This is a disgrace!”

    Me: “Madam, that number has been disconnected from your account for seven years. It has been used by two other customers since you last had it.”

    Customer: *click*

    Unable To Master Their Card

    | Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you. May I have the name as it appears on your credit card?”

    Customer: “Visa.”

    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks for choosing [pizza place]. Can I get your phone number, please?”

    (The customer provides his info.)

    Me: “It looks like you’ve already placed an order a few minutes ago. Did you need to change something?”

    Customer: “Yeah. My roommate is being a total woman over here. He doesn’t want to eat pizza.”

    Me: “Weird. I’m a woman, and I eat pizza all the time.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you know. Not a cool woman like you, but like a vegetarian or something.”

    Me: “I’m a vegetarian.”

    Customer: “Well, you know. I mean…uh…”

    (The customer explains his friend has an ulcer and cuts his order down to just one pizza.)

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “No. I’m not calling here ever again, I promise.”

    Related:
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
    Giving A Pizza My Mind

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