July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Home Is Where The Brain Isn’t

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A guest picks up the house phone in the hallway. The call goes directly to the front desk.)

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Guest: *confused and disappointed* “Oh. The sign said ‘house phone’. I thought it would…um…call my house.”

Me: *seriously dumbfounded*

Guest: “I guess not.” *click*

Failing The Bar

| Lancaster, England, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer is buying drinks for him and his friends.)

Me: “£12.60, please.”

Customer: “Can I put that on the tab?”

Me: “Sure, what name is the tab in?”

Customer: “I don’t care.”

A Gluten For Punishment

| AL, USA | Uncategorized

(A powerful storm has ripped through the state. The power has gone out. I have a rack of bread stuck in the oven with no way of removing it without power.)

Customer: “Do you have any hot bread?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s stuck in the oven and the power is off.”

Customer: “Can’t you just open it?”

Me: “Not with the way our ovens rotate. There’s no way to get the bread off the rack.”

Customer: “Can’t you just reach in and grab one for me?”

Me: “Not without horribly burning myself.”

Customer: “Would you mind trying?”

How To Create Characters

| Bluefield, WV, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer calls in to make a payment with his credit card. He is an older man, and is obviously having trouble reading the numbers.)

Customer: “Let’s see. 1, H–”

Me: “Sir? Did you say H?”

Customer: “Yeah. H, 8–”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There are no letters in a credit card number.”

Customer: “Yeah there are. 1, H, 8, L…”

(I try, just in case. I receive an error as soon as I type in the letter.)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. It won’t accept letters.”

Customer: “Well try again! 1, H, 8, L, 6…”

*long pause*

Customer: “Oh! I have this thing up-side-down!”

Welcome To The Expiration Generation

| NE, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer is paying by credit card over the telephone.)

Me: “And the expiration date of the card?”

Customer: “3 of 11.”

Me: “So, it’s expired then?”

Customer: “Why, is that a problem?”

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