Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle
    (1,723 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Time To Trade In One Slightly Used Mom

    | Terrace, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Is this flea market going well for you?”

    Me: “Decently… considering how many other tables here, I’m glad for the business we’ve gotten.”

    Customer: “You can sell just about anything here, right?”

    Me: “Mmhmm.”

    Customer: “If I give you twenty bucks, will you please sell my children?”

    Me: “Well…um. I’m sorry, but no.”

    Customer: “Please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Selling your children would be slavery.”

    Customer: “Okay. So, can I buy this?” *holds up a cheap ring*

    Me: “Sure. That’ll be–”

    Customer: “I’ll give you my daughter for it!”

    Me: “No. You know what? If I give you the ring, will you go away?”

    Customer: *goes away with her children and the cheap ring*

    Mistaking Kitty For Kujo

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I work at an animal hospital, which also helps adopt out strays. It’s a slow day, so I walk into the lobby cradling a kitten for anyone that is interested.)

    Customer: “Is that your cat?”

    Me: “No, this little guy is one of our strays. He needs a home.”

    Customer: “Do you have any stray dogs?”

    Me: “Yes, we have a couple of dogs that are available for adoption. However, we have more cats and they are easier to walk around with.”

    Customer: “Never was a fan of cats. Dogs are always so friendly and loyal. You could die in your chair and your dog would just lie right next to you until they died too. A cat would probably start eating the flesh off your bones!”

    Them’s Excitin’ Words

    | Gainesville, FL, USA |

    (A girl and her boyfriend approached my customer service desk.)

    Girl: “Excuse me, where are the dictionaries?”

    Me: “Aisle 13.”

    Girl: “Thank you!”

    (A few minutes later the couple returned, dictionary in hand.)

    Girl: “How do you spell ‘ecstatic’?”

    Me: “E-C-S-T-A-T-I-C.”

    Girl: *thumbing pages* “OK…”

    Boy: “I’m tellin’ you, it ain’t a real word.”

    (Since she was still unable to spell it, finding the word was proving difficult.)

    Boy: *smugly* “SEE? If it was a real word, it would BE IN THE DICTIONARY, wouldn’t it?”

    Girl: “I can’t find it!”

    Me: “Try looking up ‘ecstasy’. They usually list the adjective forms of the noun at the end of the entry.”

    Girl: *finding it* “Oh, here it is, see? ‘Ecstatic’ means a person experiencing ecstasy. Look, honey!”

    Boy: *walking away* “It AIN’T A WORD, it AIN’T!”

    Girl: *chasing after him waving the book* “LOOK! It’s right here! LOOOOOK!”

    Now With Smarch And Gebruary!

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any calendars?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re right behind you.”

    Customer: *looks at several calendars* “This says 16 months. What does that mean?”

    Me: “Well, it has the last four months of 2008, and then all of 2009.”

    Customer: “But there are only 12 months in a year.”

    Me: “I know. It has a whole year on it and then part of the previous year.”

    Customer: “So what are the extra months again?”

    Acute Mental Failure

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: At our hospital, patients are called into private registration rooms where all demographic information is completed.)

    Me: “Come on in and we’ll get your paperwork ready.”

    (The patient enters room and I close the door.)

    Me: “So, how are you?”

    Patient: “…”

    (There are 2 large comfy chairs in front of the patient, but she’s still standing.)

    Me:“Uh…everything ok?”

    Patient: “…”

    Me: “Well, uh, so…what procedure are you having today?”

    Patient: “…”

    Me: “Is that your doctor’s order?”

    Patient: “…”

    (The patient throws the paper at me. It has most of the info I need to register her, so I don’t ask any more questions. After a minute, I have all of her paperwork ready. During this entire time, still hasn’t sat down.)

    Me: “Alright, here is your face sheet. If you’ll go down the hall and hand that to radiology they’ll take care of the rest.”

    Patient: “Let me ask you a question now. Why didn’t you tell me to have a seat? You are the most rude person I have ever met!”

    (She takes her papers and pushes on the door to open it, not realizing she needs to pull.)

    Patient: “Ahhhh! Let me out of here, he’s locked me in! Help, help!”

    (The patient knocks over my computer, flips the chairs and starts throwing stuff at me; I hide under the desk during her rampage. Hearing the commotion, security comes in and the patient runs out of the room and out of the hospital, never to be seen again. Afterwards…)

    Security: “They really should start paying you more.”

    Page 1,765/2,156First...1,7631,7641,7651,7661,767...Last