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    Well, It Sure Beats Atkins

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer emails in a query regarding one of our products.)

    Customer: “If it were a matter of life or death, could I eat this product? If so, what would happen? The label says ‘safe & non-toxic’, yet it also says ‘do not eat’. This seems contradictory. Please clarify ASAP. I’m starving.”

    Me: “You would have to contact the manufacturer of the item. I recommend that you should not eat anything that says ‘safe & non-toxic’ because this could be referring to biodegradable elements of this product, and should not be used for dietary nutrition. I hope you find something else to eat.”

    When Intelligence Just Melts Away

    | Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I have cheese on my fries?”

    Me: “Would you like American, Cheddar, Swiss, or Pepper Jack?”

    Customer: “Cheddar is the one that melts, right?”

    High-Five Cents

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A line has formed at the cash. My boss is doing paperwork at the desk behind me. I finish ringing up a customer.)

    Me: “Hello there, ma’am. Before I ring you in, would you like a plastic bag today? I only ask because they do cost five cents extra.”

    (She looks at me in angry disgust.)

    Customer: “You still charge people even though it’s raining outside?! That’s disgusting! Are you proud of yourself?!”

    Me: “Since all of the proceeds from plastic bags go to a wildlife preservation foundation, yes. I am proud of myself.”

    (The customer stalks away in disgust. I turn around to see my boss staring at me.)

    Manager: “Did you just say that?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    (She raises her hand for a high-five.)

    Playing Unfair With The Fairer Sex

    | Norway | Top

    (I provide internet support over the phone. I am the only qualified technician working today. I also happen to be female.)

    Me: “Welcome to [company name] internet support. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, hello sweetheart. I didn’t realize I’d reached the reception. Would you please connect me to internet support?”

    Me: “This is internet support. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I want help with a technical problem. I can’t talk to you. I want to talk to a man!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I’ll be able to help you with your technical problem. I am the qualified technician here today.”

    Customer: “You are a girl! You have no clue how to help me! This is man stuff. I demand to speak with a man!”

    (This continues for ten minutes. The customer gets more and more aggravated, and starts yelling nasty comments. I give up, and connect him to my coworker, who sits next to me. My coworker is male.)

    Coworker: “Welcome to [company name] internet support. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Finally, a man! My internet is so unstable these days; I can’t seem to stay on it! It takes forever to load and the speed is horrible!”

    Coworker: “Sir, I see the problem, and I’m sending a report. It will be fixed on Monday.”

    Customer: “What? It’s Saturday! Why do you have to wait until Monday? I want it fixed now!”

    Coworker: “Well, we would need a qualified technician to log into the system to fix your line. It’s Saturday, so there is only one qualified technician working.”

    Customer: “Get him to fix it now! I demand to speak with him!”

    Coworker: “Sir, you have already spoken to her.”

    Customer: “Wait. Her?”

    Coworker: “Yes. You spoke to our only qualified technician earlier today. You yelled profanities at her, and demanded to speak to a man.”

    Customer: “So, I’ll be lucky if my internet is up again on Monday?”

    Coworker: “You’ll be lucky if you have internet at all.”

    Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 2

    | Leander, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am a cashier. I see a woman taking her items out of a storage box in her cart, and placing them on the conveyor belt.)

    Me: “Would you like everything just back in the box, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I don’t think they’ll fit!”

    Related:
    Not Thinking Inside The Box
    Thinking Outside The Box
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
    Not Thinking Outside The Box

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