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    Tiny Pooch With A Super-Sized Grudge

    | Missouri, USA |

    (I’m taking orders and money in the drive-thru booth during a rush. A customer pulls up to the window.)

    Me: “Hi, your total is $6.54.”

    Customer: *glaring* “I’m mad at you!”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I went through **** earlier, and they didn’t have any french fries, so I had to come here!”

    Me: “I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Yeah! And he’s mad at you too!”

    (She points to the back seat, which is completely empty.)

    Me: “Yeah, um, he…he looks pretty mad, I guess.”

    Customer: *snaps* “C’mere, Sparkie!”

    (A little poodle hops up into her lap.)

    Customer: “Tell her how mad you are!”

    (The customer then holds the dog up to the window to show me how mad it was.)

    Me: “Wow, um, alright.”

    (She pays and I give her the change.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *smiling* “You too, sweetie!” *glares* “…but I’m still mad at you!”

    It Turns Out You Can Be Too Safe

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    Caller: *on the phone* “My father-in-law was hit by a car while riding his bike. I need to get some advice about what he should do.”

    Me: “Was he injured?”

    Caller: “Yeah. I mean, he’s conscious and stuff, but he’s bleeding and in pain.”

    Me: “When did this happen?”

    Caller: “About 5 minutes ago. Can we sue the guy?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you say this JUST happened? Have you called the police and ambulance?”

    Caller: “No, that’s why I called you. I need to know what to do.”

    Me: “Hang up and call 911!”

    Caller: “Really? So we should take him to the doctor even though he doesn’t have medical insurance? Who’s going to pay for it if he dies? I can’t be responsible for that!”

    (Sirens are heard in the background.)

    Caller: “Oh no, someone must have called, because a firetruck just pulled up…am I going to have to pay for this?”

    Me: “Sir, please deal with his injuries and make sure he’s taken to the hospital. You can call us back after he’s been treated if you need to and we’d be happy to explain how to get the bills paid – right now you need to worry about him.”

    Caller: “I ain’t doin’ anything ’til I know who’s gonna pay for this. I shouldn’t be stuck with this!”

    Me: “In all likelihood, the insurance company for the driver who hit him will pay his medical bills.”

    Caller: “I’m calling them then….” *aside in background* “Don’t go messing with him; I gotta find out who’s paying for this before you go taking him
    anywhere!” *hangs up*

    The Best Of Intentions, The Worst Of Retentions

    | Gainesville, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello ma’am, this is **** Bookstore. I’m calling to let you know the book you ordered has come in.”

    Customer: “What? You’re who?”

    Me: “This is **** Bookstore. You ordered a book from us and it’s here.”

    Customer: “I ordered a book?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I don’t remember ordering anything.”

    Me: “The order sticker says you ordered it last week. The title is Improving Your Memory.”

    For Everything Else, There’s TasterCard

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    Me: “That’s ¬£26.50, please.”

    Customer: “Can I pay by card?”

    Me: “Sure. Please enter your card into the machine, and then put in your pin code.”

    Customer: “Right, are these machines waterproof?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “I wouldn’t get an electric shock from one, would I?”

    Me: “Err, no?”

    (Suddenly, the customer bends his head down and uses his mouth to cover up the keys. He then uses his tongue to try and push down the numbers of his pin code.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stop! That’s incredibly unhygenic.”

    Customer: “But it’s the only way to keep it safe!”

    Me: “Have you considered covering the keys with your hand instead of your mouth?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s not as safe!”

    Me: “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to risk that. We can’t have you licking our machines.”

    Customer: “Bah!”

    Too Much Information, Part 6

    | Delaware, USA |

    (I’m cleaning up several tables at a restaurant and overhear this conversation between three customers.)

    Female Customer #1: “…porn star. You can’t be shy about it! There’s not being shy if you’re just going to be a porn star, anyway.”

    Female Customer #2: “Yeah! What’re you working with, anyway?”

    Male Customer: *gets up and faces table, hands moving towards jeans*

    Me: *abandons tasks and leaves section immediately*

    Related:
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

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