How To Connect To The Printernet

| Bismarck, ND, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer calls in complaining that her internet wasn’t working. I begin walking through the troubleshooting steps.)

Me: “Is the modem plugged into the power outlet?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Is the modem connected to the cable jack? And, are the lights all on it?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And the modem is plugged directly into the computer?”

Caller: “Yes, with a USB cable.”

(About ten minutes pass of me trying to figure out the problem, to no avail.)

Caller: “I don’t understand it! Everything is plugged in right, the cable is connected to the modem, and the modem is plugged into the printer!”

Me: “Wait, the printer?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s plugged into the printer. The printer is plugged into the computer so it will go through it.”

Through The Looking Staff

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(I am standing next to the counter. A customer walks right up close to me, looking at me intently.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “What?! I don’t want to talk to you! I just wanted to look at you!”

Their Statement Speaks Volumes

| OH, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I can’t get the volume on my phone to go up.”

Me: “Okay, I can assist with that. See the buttons on the left side of your device?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “You push them in the up direction.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

(I hear some rustling around.)

Customer: “I can’t seem to get them off. Isn’t there some way for you to turn it up from there?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. The only way you can turn up your volume is by pushing those buttons. They are the volume buttons.”

Customer: “Is there a supervisor I can speak to? I think they can turn my phone up for me.”

Related:
Their Question Speaks Volumes

The Customer Is Not Always Copyright

| TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you make me a copy of this picture?”

Me: “We can not copy this picture without a copyright release. It was professionally taken.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I took this picture.”

Me: “Sir, you’re in the picture.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Then, who was behind the camera?”

Customer: “Some other guy…”

Weeding Out The Good Customers, Part 2

| Zumbrota, MN, USA | Top

(We have two branches of my store in our town of about 3,500. Ours is referred to as the ‘ghetto’ store.)

Me: “How’s it going?”

Customer: “Pretty good.”

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Total is $2.98.”

Customer: “Here’s $3. Plus, a little something extra.”

(He hands me a bud of weed.)

Me: “What’s this for?”

Customer: “It’s a Friday night, and you are trapped in hell. Now you tell me what it’s for.”

Related:
Weeding Out The Good Customers

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