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    Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

    , | Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

    Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

    Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

    Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

    | Petoskey, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)

    Customer: “Oh my god, what is it doing?”

    Me: “You mean swimming?”

    Customer: “Why did it do that?”

    Me: “It was probably coming up for a breath.”

    Customer: “It breathes?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So, it’s not a fish?”

    Something Smells Fishy

    The Grapes Of Telepaths

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m a merchandiser working one of the stores on my route. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “White wine!”

    Me: “You want a white wine?”

    Customer: “White wine!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. How about this one?”

    (I hold out a bottle of Chardonnay.)

    Customer: “That’s yellow. I want white wine.”

    Me: “Okay. How about a White Zinfandel?”

    Customer: “That’s pink. White wine!”

    Me: “Okay, how about this?”

    (I hold out a bottle of Pinot Grigio.)

    Customer: “That’s clear. I want white!”

    Me: “Sir, these are all white wines I’m showing you.”

    Customer: “I want a white wine!”

    Me: “Sir, these are white wines. ”

    Customer: “That one’s yellow. That one’s pink. That one’s clear. I want white wine!”

    (This went on for another ten minutes until his friend showed up. Turns out he wanted a yellow Chardonnay.)

    That’s A Very Good Point

    | London, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

    Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

    Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

    Two Pillows On The Couch, Once Daily

    | Richmond, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I need to make a new profile for the customer’s wife on our computer system, so the customer calls his wife.)

    Customer, to wife: “Hello? What’s your card number? It’s for the prescription.”

    (The customer relays the card number to me. I ask for her birthday.)

    Customer, to wife: “When’s your birthday? No, of course I remember. It’s December 7th!”

    (I hear his wife cry out loudly over the phone.)

    Customer, to wife: “What? It’s September 22nd?!”

    (The customer ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.)

    Me: “Are you going to be alright when you go back?”

    Customer, to me: “You should warn me next time you have to ask for her birthday.”

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