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    Script Stupidity

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?”

    Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.”

    Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?”

    Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.”

    Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?”

    Being Fashionable Is Kids’ Play

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?”

    Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.”

    Customer: “I really like this one.”

    Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.”

    Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?”

    Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.”

    Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!”

    Yogi Says Yum To Spicy Humans

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (Note: Bear spray is basically just pepper spray that you use if you are attacked by a bear.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [outdoor supply store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, um…I bought some bear spray from you earlier today and now my skin is burning.”

    Me: “Your skin is burning? Did the bear spray come into contact with your skin?”

    Customer: “Of course! I sprayed it all over myself!”

    Me: “Did you read the instructions?”

    Customer: “No, I thought it was like bug spray.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re not supposed to spray it on your skin. You’re supposed to spray it in the bear’s eyes. You should probably go take a shower.”

    Customer: “So I can’t repel the bears by putting bear spray on my skin?”

    Me: “No, sir…are you sure bear country is the right place for you?

    Backordered Compliments

    | Canada |

    Customer: “Hey, how good is this book?” *holds a fantasy book*

    Me: “I don’t know, I haven’t read it. But you might want to start with the first one in the series, if we have it right now…”

    Customer: “You haven’t read it? You’re gotta be kidding me! Really, they hire anyone these days. I guess I’ll try it, then. You said it’s not the first
    one?”

    Me: “No, and it seems that we don’t have the first book in this series. If you want, you can leave your name and number and we will call you if someone sells it.”

    Customer: “No, no, that will be fine. I’ll just come back. When will you get it?”

    Me: “I don’t know, sir. We’re a used books store. We only get books when people sell them to us.”

    Customer: “I know that, I’m not stupid! When will someone sell you this book?”

    Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

    Customer: *rolls his eyes* “I can’t believe they hired you. I bet it’s only because you’re pretty!”

    Me: “Er…thanks, I guess?”

    A Vanessa By Any Other Name

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (As I’m ringing an elderly lady’s groceries through, she reads my name tag incorrectly.)

    Customer: “Vanessa…Vanessa! That’s such a lovely name.”

    Me: “Oh? Yeah, it is.”

    Customer: “Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa!”

    Me: “It’s great, but I’m not–”

    Customer: “Your mother has such good taste! Van-ESSA!”

    Me: “Thank you, but–”

    Customer: “I bet, when you were young, she’d say things like ‘Vanessa! Get over here! You’re such a naughty girl!’”

    Me: “Um, something like that…”

    Customer: “Well, you have a great day Vanessa!”

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