Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Land Of The Free, Home Of the Single-Minded

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    (This takes place in 2008, when George W. Bush was still president. A customer brings a book filled with his quotes to the register.)

    Customer: “What kind of nonsense is this? I can’t believe you guys would really sell these books here. He’s still our president, and he deserves respect!

    Me: “I’m sorry if the books offend you sir, but we offer them for customers who have different opinions.”

    Customer: “This is America! We should all have the same opinion!” *storms out with his purchase*

    I’m Too Sexy For My Kitchen

    | Hurst, TX, USA |

    (A customer brings me the bowl from a salad spinner set.)

    Customer: “How much is this hat?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that goes to a salad set. It’s not a hat.”

    (She doesn’t understand, so I tell her I’ll find the price. I come back with the whole set.)

    Me: “You see ma’am, this is used to dry salad after you wash it. You turn the handle and–”

    Customer: “I only want the hat, not the box and the hat!” *walks off*

    I Find Your Lack Of T-shirts Disturbing

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (Note: I’m selling t-shirts at Comic Con in San Diego. Two men are dressed as Star Wars characters come to my booth.)

    Jedi #1: “Man, these shirts are all great. I don’t know how I’ll pick.”

    Coworker: “Well, they are two for $35, so you can get any two you like.”

    Jedi #2: “Is there any deal for three?”

    Coworker: “Nope, just by twos.”

    (Suddenly, the second Jedi activates his light-up light saber and speaks in an angry, menacing tone.)

    Jedi #2: “How about now?!”

    A Real Life Game Of Telephone

    | Lethbridge, AB, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [power company]. I’m conducting a survey about your electrical service.”

    Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

    Me: “I’m conducting a survey.”

    Guy: “What kind of survey?”

    Me: “It’s about your electrical service.”

    Guy: “Are you shutting off my electricity?”

    Me: “No, everything’s fine. I’m just conducting a survey to find out if you’re satisfied with your service.”

    Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

    Me: “Conducting a survey–”

    Guy, to his wife: “You didn’t pay the bill and now they’re cutting off our lights!”

    Wife: “I paid the d*** bill!”

    Guy: “My wife says she paid the bill! Why are you cutting off my service if the bill’s been paid?”

    Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. I’m conducting a survey.”

    Guy: “Disconnecting a what?”

    Me: *very slowly* “Conducting a survey…”

    Guy, to his wife: “They’re disconnecting our survey! You paid the bill late!”

    Wife: “No, I didn’t! Get off my case!”

    Me: “Nothing’s being disconnected!”

    Guy: “Then why are you calling?”

    Me: “To make sure you’re satisfied with the service you’re receiving.”

    Guy: “I was satisfied until you told me you’re cutting off my service.”

    Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. Everything’s fine!”

    Guy: “Oh, okay. Well I gotta go apologize to my wife now!” *click*

    Looking Forward To Backward Logic

    | Missouri, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m here to return this shirt. I’m not satisfied with it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you explain what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “The writing on it is all backward.”

    (She pulls the shirt from her bag, but the lettering looks fine.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m looking at it right now, and this shirt is definitely not backward.”

    Customer: “No, I went home and tried it on, and it was backward!”

    Me: “Were you looking in a mirror?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it should still read from right to left!”

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