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    Customer Of The Week

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees

    | Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA |

    (I’m 17 and am volunteering at the museum for a ride that takes you on a trip to Mars.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can my son go in there?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s no room and this is the last ride.”

    Customer: “Hmph.” *drags her son away and whispers something to him*

    Customer’s son: “Um, hi.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer’s son: “My mom told me to flirt with you so I could see the ride.”

    Me: “Uh… yeah. I can’t let you do that.”

    Customer’s son: “Okay.” *goes back to his mother*

    Customer: “Well, fine then, young lady. I want to see your manager.”

    Me: “Okay, he’s the man over there in the blue shirt with gold collars.”

    Customer: “I’m going to tell him you won’t flirt with my son!” *goes away and takes her son with her*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    A Law Degree In Second-Degree Burns

    | Missoula, MT, USA |

    (Our convenience store is on a college campus, and we have five different kinds of coffee in self-serve urns).

    Customer: “Wow, this coffee is really hot!”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “What if I spill it or something? I could get burned!”

    Me: “Well, yes. But it’s coffee. Coffee is usually hot.”

    Customer: “Well, I could sue you, you know. I heard about a woman who sued because the coffee burned her.”

    Me: “I don’t know that you could, actually. That was–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “Yeah, but I don’t see any signs.”

    (I point to large signs on all the coffee urns saying “Caution: Contents HOT“.)

    Customer: “I could still sue.”

    Me: “Yeah, but you’re a college student. We assume you can read.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? Betcha I could prove I can’t!”

    Me: “…”

    Store – Bad Customer = Happy

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (This incident happened right before we closed on Christmas Eve. A woman has purchased a shirt and a pair of pants. I ring her purchase and tell her the total.)

    Me: “That’ll be $39.98.”

    Customer: “WHAT? No, no, no. That’s not right. No. How much was the shirt?”

    Me: “$12.99. The pants were $26.99.”

    Customer: “NO THEY WEREN’T! They were $12.99, just like the pants! I got them from right over THERE!” *violently stabs her finger in the direction of the rack*

    Me: *sighs* “Ok, hold on one second, ma’am… I’ll check.

    Customer: *to coworker* “I’m about to put this b**** on blast, you watch.”

    (I read the sign and confirm that the shirts on one side of the rack are $12.99, but the pants on the other are $26.99. This is also written out on the sale sign.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the sign says right here that the pants are $26.99.”

    Customer: “What?! Well how was I supposed to know that? I saw $12.99 so I thought $12.99! I don’t read letters, I only read numbers!”

    Me: “…well, our signs have both letters and numbers, and you have to read both to understand the sale.”

    Customer: “No way am I paying $26.99 for these pants! Change it!”

    Me: “Well, it’s not our error, ma’am. The sign is correctly written and posted on the correct rack, even in the correct position. There’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: *slapping counter* “FINE. There’s no reason why I should have to read signs! I only read numbers, not letters!”

    The Road To Yell(ing) Is Paved With Good Intentions

    | Seattle, WA |

    Customer: “How much is this bag?”

    Me: “That bag is actually part of a deal, if you purchase twenty dollars worth of product you can get the bag for an additional ten dollars.”

    Customer: “…That’s not what I asked. How much is the bag?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The price of the bag itself is forty dollars.”

    Customer: “So why’d you tell me all of that other garbage?”

    Me: “I was just telling you the deal we had going on with the bag. If you spend twenty dollars, you can get the bag for ten dollars.

    (I glance at her shopping bag and notice other items.)

    Me: “… and it looks like, with those lotions, you’ll be spending around eighteen dollars, so if you spent another two dollars, you could get the deal.”

    Customer: “Why can’t I just buy the bag?”

    Me: “…You can buy the bag. It’s just a better deal the other way. You’re already close to spending twenty dollars with those two lotions, so if you reached twenty, you’d get the bag for ten.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. Any time I come into this store, you people always try to get me to buy more of your junk than I want.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not trying to push you to buy anything… You’d just be saving a lot of money. Spending around thirty dollars and getting more items, rather than spending around sixty and getting fewer items.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t care. If I wanted to buy something else, I’d have put in in my shopping bag. This is all I want, so don’t go trying to get me to buy anything else. I’m ready to check out.”

    Me: “Okay, then. I can ring you out.”

    (We both proceed to the cash register, where she purchases the two lotions and the tote bag.)

    Me: “Alright, that’s going to come to $61.77 after tax.”

    (The woman goes to swipe her card when her daughter comes up to the register, adding a $6 lip gloss to her purchase. The woman nods, and I ring it through as well.)

    Me: “And the new total is going to be $36.21.”

    Customer: “Why did the price go down so much?!”

    Me: “…Seriously?”


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