Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Me: “That’ll be $*.**. Also, would you also like to make a donation to our water conservation fund?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It helps to save habitats for animals and–”

Customer: “But why would we need to pay for that? Water doesn’t run out. I’ve left my faucets on all day and water came out the whole time! And besides I only drink coffee, not water.”

Seriously, It’s Just A Joke

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I am loading guests onto boats at my ride, on which everybody gets wet and all seats are red, when my boss makes a joke over the intercom.)

Boss: “If you’re in a red seat, you will get wet. The red seats are the wet seats. The blue seats are the dry seats.”

Guest: “I’d like a blue seat, please.”

Me: (gesturing at the boat) “All the seats are red.”

Guest: “But I don’t want to get wet.”

Me: “This is a water ride. You will get wet.”

Guest: “Not in a blue seat. He just said.”

Me: “He was making a joke. See? All the seats are red.”

Guest: “Okay.” *pause* “Which seats are the dry seats, then?”

Setting The Wrong Tone

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [copier company], can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to order some toner for my copier.”

Me: “Okay, is this for a black and white machine or a color machine?”

Caller: “Well, the machine is kind of cream-colored…”

Self-Diservice Checkout

| Sheffield, UK | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(A customer is getting frustrated at the self-checkout.)

Customer: *shouting* “Miss! Miss!”

Me: *with another customer* “One minute, please, I’m helping this lady right now.”

Customer: *goes red in the face* “Miss!”

Me: “Give me a minute, please. I’ll come to you next.”

(The angry customer starts swearing and hitting the machine. The customer I am working with politely offers to wait while I go to the other customer. I apologize and go to the angry customer.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “The stupid machine stopped working!”

Me: “An item you have scanned isn’t on the metal bagging pad. Mind if I take a look?”

Customer: *grunts*

(I find that all but three items of a 30+ item shop has not been scanned. I explain the situation.)

Customer: “Oh God, no! I can’t do all this again!”

Me: “No problem! I’ll just put it all through for you.”

Customer: “No! It won’t save me any money that way!”

Me: “You don’t save any money with self-scan checkouts. I mean, you still pay for it all.”

Customer: “This is stupid! I shouldn’t have to pay for it all if I’m doing your job for you!”

Can’t See The Wood In The Trees

| Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

( I am ringing up a customer. I pick up a plastic bag and hold it up.)

Me: “Do you need a bag?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’ll save a tree.”

Me: *jokingly* “Yeah, those plastic trees are really endangered.”

Customer: *looking shocked and worried* “They are?!”

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