A Shake As Thick As Your Skull

, | Melbourne, Australia | Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like to order two large chocolate thickshakes, but I don’t want them to be too thick.”

Me: “Well, would you like milkshakes then?”

Customer: “No, I want thickshakes. Just don’t make them too thick.”

Me: “Well, milkshakes are less thick versions of–”

Customer: *explodes* “NO! I WANT THICKSHAKES!”

Green Is My Least Favorite Color

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the register with a few small items carrying large, seemingly empty purse.)

Me: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: *scoffs* “Do they really have you ask that?”

Me: “Well, yes. Some people like to be green by not taking a bag.”

Customer: “Don’t ever say that again. It makes the store sound cheap. Yes, I want a bag.”

(I place her items in a bag and she storms off in a huff, shoving the bag in her purse.)

Let Me Guess, You Need A White Cartridge, Too

| MA, USA | Uncategorized

(I approach a confused looking woman standing in the ink cartridge aisle.)

Me: “How are you today, ma’am? Can I help you find the correct ink?”

Customer: “Yeah, thank you.”

Me: “Do you know which cartridge or what model printer you have?”

Customer: “No, but it’s one of these.”

(There are literally hundreds of ink cartridges in this aisle.)

Me: “Could you be a little more specific?”

Customer: “Well, it takes black…”

For Some, Childhood Never Ends

, | Glen Burnie, MD, USA | Food & Drink

(While waiting for my order inside a fast food restaurant, I overhear this conversation between the employee working the drive-thru window and the customer at the speaker.)

Employee: “Welcome to [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a hamburger kids’ meal. Also, could you put cheese on that?”

Employee: “Okay, so you want a cheeseburger kids’ meal?”

Customer: “No, just a hamburger with cheese on it.”

Employee: “Ma’am, if you put cheese on a hamburger, it becomes a cheeseburger. So, do you want a hamburger or a cheeseburger?”

Customer: “Well, then, I guess I want a cheeseburger.”

Employee: “Okay, and is this kids’ meal for a boy or a girl?”

Customer: “Does it matter?”

Employee: “Not to me, ma’am.”

(The customer leaves the drive-thru as I leave the restaurant parking lot and she ends up behind me at a red light, happily eating her happy meal while driving.)

There Is No Expiration On Your Stupidity

| Midlands, UK | At The Checkout

(A customer comes to the till with a large bottle of milk.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this. It’s expired.”

Me: “It says on the receipt that you bought it last week.”

Customer: “Yes, but I haven’t used it. It’s expired.”

Me: “The expiration date is yesterday. It was well in date when you bought it.”

Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t use it, so you have to give me a refund.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t give a refund for that. It was within date when you bought it.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you change it, at least?”

Me: “You want to swap some expired milk for fresh milk?”

Customer: “No, just change the label so it’s in date again.”

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