No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5

| Simsbury, CT, USA | Uncategorized

(My store has a trivia question posted every day for customers to answer. The question reads, ‘How many time zones span across Russia?’)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Is the answer to the question ‘1’?

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “Well, how many are there, then?”

Me: “There are 11 time zones.”

Customer: “Really? I thought there was only 1 time zone in the world!”

Related:
No Aptitude Vocation For Location, Part 2
No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2
No Vocation For Location
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

Wait In Line, Parish The Thought

| Tampa, FL, USA | Top

(A customer comes up to the front of a long checkout line.)

Me: “Ma’am, you have to go to the back of the line or go to another line to purchase. There is already a line here.”

Customer: “I have to checkout now! I have to go to church in 5 minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you have to wait. You could also come back and get your toy after your service.”

Customer: “I have to checkout now! I bet you’re just some heathen who wants me to miss church!”

(A customer who is also a priest comes up to the front.)

Priest: “Ma’am, going to church will not make you a better Christian. Shouting something as hateful as ‘heathen’ to this sweet lady certainly won’t help either.”

Customer: “She won’t check me out so I can go to church! She obviously is not Christian.”

Priest: “Ma’am, just please go to the back of the line, or leave. Nobody wants to hear your hateful comments to such a sweet woman. She might not be Christian, but she sure gives a lot more respect to people than you do.”

Customer: *huffs* “Fine! But when God sends his fire upon both of you, you’ll be sorry!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

| WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why didn’t my order go through?”

Me: “It looks like your card declined due to insufficient funds.”

Customer: “Well, yeah. But I fail to see how that’s my problem.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 10
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 7

, | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [insurance company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I need a quote for home insurance.”

Me: “No problem. The quote can take up to 15 minutes. Do you have the time?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s 11:15. Why?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “It’s 11:15. Don’t you have a clock?”

Related:
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 6
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 5
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

Always A Barista, Never A Bride

| Hillsboro, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(An older gentleman comes in to order his coffee. He is a regular customer and a lot of times his wife will come in with him, but today she is running late.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Just coffee.”

Me: “Alright, that’ll be a $1.50.”

Customer: “Are you somebody’s bride?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You know, a wife. Are you somebody’s wife?”

Me: “Not last time I checked, no.”

Customer: “Because I need a bride to warm my hands on and mine is nowhere to be found.”

Me: “Oh. Let’s hope she gets here soon, then.”

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