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    Stuck In Reverse

    | Loudon, NH, USA |

    (Note: I am a woman that works at a convenience store nearby a motor speedway.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Male customer: “No, the only thing left I need is someone to tell me who is in which car racing today. You wouldn’t know anything about that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but why wouldn’t I know anything about the race?”

    Male customer: “Well, ’cause you’re a woman!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, so what you’re saying is because I’m a woman I can’t possibly know anything about Jeff Gordon in 24, Ryan Newman in 39, or Tony Stewart in 14. Did I miss anyone that you were particularly interested in?”

    Male customer: “Umm…no?”

    Me: “Okay, then. Thank you and come again!”

    (The customer looks down, takes his items, and walks out of the store. The next customer is also male.)

    Next Customer: “So, what do you think about Stewarts’ chances this race?”

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

    | Chatsworth, CA, USA | Top

    (Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

    Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

    Me: “Adult websites.”

    Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”

    Golden Rule, Meet Golden Bulldozer

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (I work for the city and am repairing potholes in a residential neighborhood. Suddenly, a resident comes running out in his bathrobe.)

    Resident: “Hey! What the h*** do you guys think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “We’re fixing these potholes, sir.”

    Resident: “You guys can’t be here! You did not clear this with the homeowner’s association!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m with the city and we don’t have to clear these repairs with any association.”

    Resident: “Like h*** you don’t!”

    Me: “Please step back sir. I have to continue working and you are too close to the job site.”

    (The resident runs back into his house and comes back out with a small bucket of yellow paint. Before we can stop him, he starts painting the dings and scratches on our bulldozer.)

    Me: “What are you doing, sir?!”

    Resident: “If you don’t have to clear repairs with us, then I guess I don’t have to clear repairs with the city!”

    Me: “Sir, that color paint is not the same as the paint job on the equipment. Plus, you are now defacing this equipment. I will call the police if you don’t stop!”

    Resident: “F*** off, you f***ing lemming!”

    Me: “That’s it, I’m calling the police!”

    (By the time the police show up, all his neighbors have come outside to watch the commotion. Things only go downhill from there, as he ends up getting charged with three counts: defacing public property, resisting arrest and assault on a peace officer.)

    Laziness Has Its Advantages

    | Langhorne, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [hospital]. How can I help you?”

    Visitor: “I’d like to file a complaint. Is there a paper or something I can fill out?”

    Me: “Sure. There are feedback forms right–”

    Visitor: “[Patient]‘s room is too far away! I’ve had to walk around this place too much. Too much walking. I don’t want to do any more walking!”

    Me: “Okay. There are forms right on that desk over there.” *I point to desk a few feet away*

    Visitor: “No, no, no! Forget it! If they’re too far away I don’t wanna do it! I don’t wanna walk that far! Goodbye!” *walks out of the hospital*

    Temporal Retentive

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant as a hostess. I see a customer, her young daughter, and her mother on their way out so I bid them farewell.)

    Me: “Have a nice night. Thanks for coming!” *smile*

    (The customer gives me a long stare and then mimics me.)

    Customer: *sarcastically* “Have a nice night…”

    Customer’s mother: “Can I have your store’s phone number and your name? I would like to complain about your behavior!”

    (I don’t know what this is about, but I still give them the phone number. Two hours later…)

    Manager: “Hey, a lady just called and complained about you.”

    Me: “Really? What did she say?”

    Manager: “You told her to have a nice night.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with that?”

    Manager: “It was still light outside.”

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