The Grapes Of Telepaths

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a merchandiser working one of the stores on my route. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “White wine!”

Me: “You want a white wine?”

Customer: “White wine!”

Me: “Okay, sir. How about this one?”

(I hold out a bottle of Chardonnay.)

Customer: “That’s yellow. I want white wine.”

Me: “Okay. How about a White Zinfandel?”

Customer: “That’s pink. White wine!”

Me: “Okay, how about this?”

(I hold out a bottle of Pinot Grigio.)

Customer: “That’s clear. I want white!”

Me: “Sir, these are all white wines I’m showing you.”

Customer: “I want a white wine!”

Me: “Sir, these are white wines. ”

Customer: “That one’s yellow. That one’s pink. That one’s clear. I want white wine!”

(This went on for another ten minutes until his friend showed up. Turns out he wanted a yellow Chardonnay.)

That’s A Very Good Point

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

Two Pillows On The Couch, Once Daily

| Richmond, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I need to make a new profile for the customer’s wife on our computer system, so the customer calls his wife.)

Customer, to wife: “Hello? What’s your card number? It’s for the prescription.”

(The customer relays the card number to me. I ask for her birthday.)

Customer, to wife: “When’s your birthday? No, of course I remember. It’s December 7th!”

(I hear his wife cry out loudly over the phone.)

Customer, to wife: “What? It’s September 22nd?!”

(The customer ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.)

Me: “Are you going to be alright when you go back?”

Customer, to me: “You should warn me next time you have to ask for her birthday.”

Too Many Chutes, Not Enough Ladders

| Fayetteville, NC, USA | Top

(The electricity went out for about 30 seconds in our department store. Shortly after the blackout, the following conversation took place.)

Customer #1: “It was weird how the power went out like that.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, but at least we weren’t in the elevator. Can you imagine?”

Customer #1: “Oh yeah, that would have been pretty bad. But not as bad as it would have been on the escalator.”

Customer #2: “The escalator?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, just think of how scary that would be! The escalator loses power and then woosh!” *makes a hand gesture to represent stairs going flat, becoming a slide*

Customer #2: “Oh yes, that would be awful!”

Customer #1: “I hope all the people who were on the escalator are okay.”

Customer #2: *shakes her head sadly* “Woosh…”

There’s No Such Thing As Half A Dozen Stupid Questions

| Walnut Creek, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, where can I find the manager?”

Me: “She’s in the cigar booth over there, with the hanging sign that says “Cigars”.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. What’s his name?”

Me: “Her name is Kat.”

Customer: “Ken?”

Me: “No, Kat.”

Customer: “Jack?”

Me: “No, Kat. Like the animal.”

Customer: “A woman?!”

Me: “Haha, yeah.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Where is she?”

Me: “The cigar booth.”

Customer: “The registers?”

Me: “No, the cigar booth.”

Customer: “The tasting area?”

Me: “Let me show you…”

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