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    Do As I Shout, Not As I Do

    | Ottawa, Ontario, Canada |

    Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?”

    Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?”

    (The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.)

    Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?”

    Patron’s young child: “But Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–”

    Patron: “Shut UP!”

    (Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”)

    Patience (Not) Be Thy Name

    | Ohio, USA |

    (Note: this call takes place at 2:15 pm.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling blank blanker cable. How may I help you today?

    Caller: “I was supposed to have a tech out here between 2pm and 4pm! Where the h*** is he?

    Me: “Sir, the tech is scheduled for anytime between the hours of 2 and 4, so he is not late. He is on his way.”

    Caller: “I want a credit for the install fee. I shouldn’t have to pay an install fee if the tech is late.”

    Me: “Sir, he is not late. He has until 4pm to get there.”

    Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor now!”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but a supervisor will tell you the same thing…”

    Caller: “I don’t wanna talk to you! You don’t know what you are doing! give me a supervisor, now!”

    Me: “no, I will not do that.”

    Caller: “You have to! It’s the law!”

    Me: “No, it isn’t; it isn’t even company policy. You can wait for the tech, or you can cancel the appointment. Which would you like to do?”

    Caller: “Oh… the tech is here.” *click*

    I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa

    | New Berlin, Wisconsin, USA |

    (It was our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there were still customers seated in the dining room. ¬†Unfortunately, this meant people were free to wander in, even though we couldn’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple came in after we were closed.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

    Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

    Hulk Smash Bagels

    , | California, USA | Top

    (I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)

    Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”

    Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”

    Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*

    Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*

    (From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)

    Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Stuffing

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: *ordering stuffing*” I want that container, that one in the middle, yep.”

    Me: “Do you want this whole thing full?”

    Customer: “Oh god, no. I want a little more than a half… but a little less than a third. Not too much.”


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