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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Unlisted But Booked

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks for calling, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Could you make my phone number unlisted?”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’ve got good news. Cellphone numbers aren’t listed in the phone book.”

    Caller: “No, I mean make it so that if someone calls you guys and gives you my number, you won’t give them any information.”

    Me: “Oh, well in that case you should know that we value our customers’ privacy. We would never give out any of your personal information to anyone who calls us.”

    Caller: “Even if it’s the cops?”

    Swords On A Plane

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (A man going through security is stopped when the x-ray reveals that he has a full-length sword in his carry on luggage.)

    Me: “Sir, what are you doing with this sword?”

    Customer: “It’s a souvenir. It’s not even sharp.”

    Me: “This can in no way go on board a plane.”

    Customer: “But it’s not even sharp!”

    Me: “You’re going to need to come with me. Anything like this, whether it’s a souvenir or not, should have been placed in your checked luggage.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe this! It’s not a real sword! And it’s not even sharp?! Do I look stupid to you?”

    Me: “You look like a person trying to bring a sword onto a plane.”

    Freedom Of Screech

    | North Carolina, USA | Religion, School, Top

    (I’m an Admissions Officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)

    Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [college]?”

    Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ’83.”

    Me: “Fantastic!  I’m Class of ’04. Can I answer any questions for you?”

    Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [college] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of-”

    Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of view points.”

    Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You’ll no longer see my $25 a year.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”

    Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”

    Yukon Freeze It

    | Kelowna, BC, Canada | Canada, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company] customer service. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “You sound different. Where are you from?”

    Me: “Canada. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Caller: “Canada? How big is the igloo you work in?”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t live in igloos. In fact, it’s about 40˚ here at the moment.”

    Caller: “40˚ is freezing!”

    Me: “40˚ Celsius. That’s 104˚ Fahrenheit.”

    Caller: “Oh my god, how do you keep your igloos from melting?!”

    Related:
    Yukon Not Spend It
    Yukon Not Believe This Juan
    Yukon Spend It
    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2
    Yukon See It On A Map

    The Union Of Soviet Solar Systems

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, does this planet mobile include Pluto?”

    Me: “Well, there’s only eight planets on the mobile. So no, it does not.”

    Customer: “I refuse to accept that Pluto is not a planet anymore. I don’t care what the socialists say!”

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