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    Brogue On A Dime

    | Ireland | Top

    (Although I am an American, I have lived in Ireland for the past 10 years.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [coffee shop]. what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Are you even from here?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Are you even from Ireland?”

    Me: “Well, my family is Irish, but I was born in America.”

    Customer: “And they let you work in an authentic Irish coffee shop?!”

    Me: “Well, yes. I’ve lived here for years, so I guess they thought it was okay to hire me.”

    Customer: “But this is so inauthentic! You don’t even have the right accent!”

    Me: *with Irish accent* “Why, of course I do, luv! What are you sayin’, I don’t have the right accent?”

    Customer: *flustered* “But…but…you…”

    Math Is Your Friend, Part 4

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “What’s the difference between the three fingers and finger fingers?”

    Me: “Well, the three fingers comes with three chicken fingers, and the five fingers comes with five.”

    Customer: “So, which one has more chicken?”

    Me: “The five fingers.”

    Customer: “Are the five fingers bigger?”

    Me: “No, the chicken fingers are the exact same size. You just get two more with the five fingers.”

    Customer: “This is too confusing! I’ll just have a cheeseburger.”

    Related:
    Math Is Your Friend, Part 3
    Math Is Your Friend, Part 2
    Math Is Your Friend

    Have No Internet, Use No Internet

    | North Carolina, USA |

    (We are technical support for a VoIP telephone company, which means they have to have broadband internet for their phone to work.)

    Customer: *on the phone* “Sales just sent me to you because I wasn’t sure if what I have is internet.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, I can help you determine that. Who is your service through?”

    Customer: *names phone company that provides DSL* “It’s so when people call me, they can leave a message.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, that would be your answering service. Internet would be another feature you pay $30 to $60 a month for, and they would send you a small box that hooks to your computer.”

    Customer: “Computers are evil. I bought one and got rid of it the next day!”

    Me: “Our phone service is not going to be right for you, sir. If you’d like we could help you find internet, but without a computer you would be paying only to sustain the phone.”

    Customer: “I don’t want no evil internet! Goodbye!” *hangs up*

    Clucks Can Be Deceiving

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I just ordered sweet and sour chicken from your establishment, and one of my pieces of chicken is shaped like a fish.”

    Me: “Well, the chicken is in all different shapes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So it’s not fish? It’s still chicken?”

    Me: “Uh, yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, OK!”

    In Search Of Mrs. Ripley’s Believe-It-Or-Not

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, how are you doing tonight?”

    (The customer says nothing for a few moments while blatantly staring at me.)

    Customer: “…you have two air holes.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “You only have two air holes!”

    Me: “Well, yes. Two NOSTRILS, you mean.”

    Customer: *continues to stare intently at me*

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “You should have three. I have been looking all my life for someone with three nostrils, but I still haven’t found her!”

    Me: “Oh…really.”

    Customer: “Yeah! I’ve traveled the world, but no luck.”

    Me: *accepts his money and bags the item* “Well, you have fun with that!”

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