Picky Penny Pinching Plant Pilfering Patrons Provide Poor Perks

| Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

(A couple walks in, takes a look at the buffet, and then signals me over.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Customer: “So, we’re vegetarian. What can we eat?”

(I point out which dishes are vegetarian and explain a little bit about the food.)

Customer: “Okay, thanks, but we aren’t going to be eating any meat. Can you please take the chicken dishes away? We don’t want them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a buffet open to everyone. Other customers will eat the chicken dishes.”

Customer: “Well, can you just move them aside for me then? I don’t want to look at them. We won’t be needing them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t change the order of the buffet. If you look, you’ll notice that the chicken and vegetarian are completely separate from each other. It would be hard to get them confused.”

Customer: “Okay, fine! Also, we don’t eat that much, so you should only charge us for one buffet.”

(They both proceed to get at least 5 plates each. Normally I would have charged them for two people, but my workplace is pretty lenient. I don’t want to cause any more trouble, so I only charge them for one buffet when the wife comes up to pay.)

Me: “That will be $8.50, please.”

Customer: “What?! But I told you to only charge us for one buffet! We didn’t eat that much!”

Me: “We charge $7.99 per person plus tax. I only charged you for one.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, okay!”

(She hands me 25 cents.)

Customer: “Here you go, dear! I know how you servers don’t like being tipped on a credit card! This way, you won’t get taxed! Thanks so much!”

The Ks Stand For Karing & Kompassion

| Maryland, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a white male working as a lifeguard at a small neighborhood pool. This pool is members only with a strict pool pass policy. If they don’t have a pass, they can’t enter. A woman walks into the pool area and walks right past the lifeguard table. As she walks away, I stop her.)

Me: “Um, ma’am? Yes, hi. Do you have your pool pass?”

Woman: “No. They were never issued to me.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Woman: “Is it because I used to be a dude?”

Me: “No, ma’am, of course not. You see, we have a very strict ‘No Pass, No Entry’ policy.”

Woman: “Do you know how racist you sound right now?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “This is the last time I’ll be treated like this! Just you wait until I tell the KKK about this!” *storms out*

Short Hair For The Short Fused

| Netherlands | Uncategorized

(A girl walks into our hair salon and makes a strange request for her boyfriend’s appointment.)

Customer: “Can you cut it shorter than he says you should? He’ll demand he doesn’t have to pay, but I’ll just pay in advance.”

Me: “You have to go through all this just to get his hair shorter?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not about the short hair. I just think it’s hot when he throws a fit.”

Life In The Space-Slime Continuum

| Spokane Valley, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(At our theater we have a movie poster for the 4th installment of a popular children’s movie franchise in 3D. Because of this, it says that the movie will be in 4D. I overhear this exchange between two teenage customers in the lobby.)

Customer #1: “What’s the difference between 3D and 4D?”

Customer #2: “3D is when stuff pops out at you and 4D is when it gets you wet.”

From Couch Potato To Baked Potato

| British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(Due to a large fire in our area, over 30,000 people are under mandatory evacuation until the fire can be brought under control.)

Customer: “Where’s my technician? I was promised a technician today!”

Me: “Well, your area is under a mandatory evacuation order due to a fire in the area. You should leave immediately if you’re still there. Our technician can’t get through the police roadblock to your home. We already called and left a message on your cell phone to advise you of this.”

Customer: “Well, I’m here. Where’s my technician? Why can’t I turn any lights on?”

Me: “The power to the affected areas has been cut deliberately due to the fire.”

Customer: “Why can’t he get past the roadblock? Why didn’t you call my landline?”

Me: “They’re not even letting people who live in the area enter the evacuation zone. We didn’t call your landline because no one should be home right now.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not my problem. Sort it out!”

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