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    Raising The Next Always Right Generation

    | Novi, MI, USA |

    (This is at a soup shop where we offer samples.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I try the **** soup?”

    Me: “Sure, but be careful – it’s very hot.”

    (She proceeds to sip it without grabbing a spoon which is in her line of sight.)

    Customer: “OW! That is really hot!”

    (She hands it to her 6-year-old son who proceeds to do the same thing she just did.)

    Child: “That burned my tongue!”

    Customer: “You should warn people that your soup is hot!”

    Me: “Would you buy the soup if it was cold?”

    Customer: “Absolutely not.”

    Who’s Got The Power Now, Part 2

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Top

    Caller: “I don’t care what your little book says, put my f***ing power on!”

    Me: “I can’t do that for you unless you pay your debt in full, sir.”

    Caller: “Why are you being a b**** about this? Just let it slide!”

    Me: “We’ve been letting it slide for months, sir. You now owe us in excess of a thousand dollars. Our rules are very clear: we are not to reconnect your power until you pay your debt.”

    Caller: “F*** you! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to come to your house and kill you!”

    Me: “The difference between you and me, sir, is that I know where YOU live.”

    Caller: *click*

    Related: Who’s Got The Power Now

    Refund Rejects

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    (A couple returns from a theatre to get a refund on a movie they have just seen.)

    Customer: “I need my money back.”

    Manager: Which movie was it for?

    Customer:Kate and Leopold. That was the worst movie, ever!”

    Manager: “That movie just ended. I can’t give you a refund for a movie you watched all the way through.”

    Customer: “Well, if there were a roach in my food at a restaurant, I would get my money back!”

    Manager: “Not if you eat the whole meal, roach and all!”

    History And Cookbooks Are Written By The Victors

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, History

    (An older lady is looking through the buffet, when she comes to our Japanese section. She eyes the sashimi.)

    Customer: “Oh! Is this smoked salmon?”

    Me: “No ma’am, it’s actually sashimi, the Japanese way of serving fish, so it’s cleaned and served raw.”

    Customer: “Raw? That can’t be healthy! Are you sure you are allowed to serve raw fish? Someone could get sick!”

    Me: “I can assure you, raw salmon won’t get anyone sick. We have served this for years.”

    Customer: “But it’s raw! Someone will get sick! That’s what raw fish does – gets people sick!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the Japanese have been eating raw fish for centuries. I think it will be OK.”

    Customer: “Well, they also lost World War 2. I don’t think this is safe!”

    Me: “…”

    Children Should Come With A Manual… Or A Hot Line

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling ****, my name is ****. How can I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need some help. My son just shot my TV.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Yeah – he was playing around with a BB gun and shot the center of the TV. It’s dead. I need to know what to do.”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately, sir… that’s not something that’s covered under warranty.”

    Customer: “Oh, obviously. I know that, but I need to know what to do.”

    Me: “I can get you the number of a repair shop near you…”

    Customer: “No, I need to know what to do to my son. He shot my f***ing TV. What do I do? Ground him? Spank him?”

    Me: “… unfortunately that’s not something I can assist you with, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh. Right. Well, I thought I would try anyway.”

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