November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Catfish Caught His Tongue

| Gray, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want fish.”

Me: “Alright, what kind of fish? We have catfish, tilapia, or grouper.”

Customer: “I just want fish.”

Me: “I have to know what kind you want.”

Customer: “I just want some d*** fish. How hard is that?”

Me: “Catfish it is. Whole or filet?”

Customer: “Whole is with the bones?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Customer: “Filet. I don’t like bones.”

Me: “Alright.”

(I return ten minutes later with his order.)

Me: “Here you are sir. Any sauce or anything?”

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I’m allergic to fish!”

Time To Google Google

| Glasgow, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer had trouble remembering his password for his email address.)

Me: “Sir, if you can just go to Google and type in [address], it will take you to the website to reset your password.”

*long silence*

Me: “Are you on the website sir?”

Caller: “I think my nephew has been on here and deleted Google from the internet.”

Adding Flames To The Fire

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a retail store that sells adult novelties like edible body paint and lingerie. A teenage customer has just bought a lighter with a pot leaf on it around an hour ago.)

Customer: “I want to return this. My mom said I’m not allowed to spend my money on stuff this vulgar.”

Me: “Well, we can either give you a different lighter or a gift card, but our return policy states we don’t give cash back.”

Customer: “Give me a minute.”

(The customer grabs a lighter to exchange it with. It’s in the shape of a hand with its middle finger extended and says ‘f*** you!’ whenever you press the button.)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

| Brisbane, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, this is [taxi service]. Can I have your pickup address please?”

Caller: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Well, you will need to tell me some kind of an address.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just ‘GPS’ me?”

No Faith In Science

| Canberra, Australia | Uncategorized

Child: “What’s the Cretaceous period?”

Mother: “Something scientists made up.”

Me: *chiming in* “It’s the third period that the dinosaurs lived in. It was from about 140-65 million years ago.”

Child: “Really?”

Mother: “The Cretaceous period is just something that scientists made up to dispute Christ.” *turns to face me* “But we won’t get into that.”