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  • Misunderstanding The Great Melting Pot

    | Bay Area, CA |

    Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

    Customer: “Can I get some bread sticks?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have bread sticks.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I get… what was it called? Chow mein?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t serve chow mein. We have something like that called yaki udon, though.”

    Customer: “What? Why don’t you have chow mein?”

    Me: “That is a Chinese dish and this is a Japanese restaurant.”

    Customer: “They’re different?!”

    Some (Don’t Really) Like It Hot

    | Austin, TX | Top

    (I’m waiting on a table of fourteen in the middle of the lunch rush. The customer I am speaking to is the first order I take at the table.)

    Customer: “…oh, and I need some of that spicy salsa y’all have.”

    (I tell the customer I’ll get that right out and proceed to take the rest of the table’s order.)

    Customer: “I thought I asked you for spicy salsa?”

    Me: “I haven’t left the table, sir.”

    Customer: “Then how do you expect the salsa to get here? Magic?”

    Me: “I was taking the rest of your party’s order, sir. I’ll go get the salsa right now.”

    Customer: “And will you find out how long until our food comes out?”

    Me: “Sir, I haven’t put in the order yet, because I just finished taking it.”

    Customer: “Is this your first day or something?”

    Me: “No, sir, I’ve been working here since we opened three years ago.”

    (As I am walking back to the kitchen, another table flags me down, ready to order. The same customer gets up from his table and taps me on the shoulder while I am talking to this table.)

    Customer: “I don’t know how long I am supposed to wait for the d*** spicy salsa.”

    Me: “Sir, as soon as I take this table’s order I will literally walk into the cooler and get you some spicy salsa.”

    (I immediately bring him the salsa, and am returning to the computer to put in the orders. He walks across the restaurant and stares at me.)

    Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

    Customer: “This salsa is too spicy.”

    Wait Until They See The Espresso

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I would like just a plain coffee.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “No, no, no, I just want good old-fashioned coffee.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “Oh, just the regular size.”

    Me: “Tall, Grande, or Venti?”

    Customer: “No, no, no just plain old coffee.”

    Me: “Ma’am would you like a small, medium, or large?”

    Customer: “Well what’s the difference?”

    Me: “The size. They are all different sizes.”

    Customer: “Give me a small.”

    (I hand her the small coffee.)

    Customer: “God d*** modern coffee houses and their God d*** midget-drinks!”

    Actually, There’s Probably An App For That

    | Virginia, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, this is Josh. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I installed the purple bird!”

    Me: “Purple bird…you mean Pidgin? Yeah, it’s pretty cool. How can I help you with that today?”

    Caller: “My buddy list is empty.”

    Me: “Maybe none of your friends are online right now?”

    Caller: “It doesn’t COME with friends?!”

    Me: “No, sir…”

    Caller: *click*

    But Mommy Says I’m Mature

    | Branson, MO, USA |

    (A girl comes to my counter with a bottle of wine. She’s clearly underage–about 13 or 14.)

    Me: “You can’t buy that, you’re too young.”

    Customer: “What?! No! I’m twenty two!”

    Me: “I’ll need to see your ID, please.”

    Customer: “I left it in my car. ”

    Me: “Then you can’t buy this.”

    Customer: “Fine, then! I’ll go get my mom and she’ll tell you!”

    Me: “Alright, you do that.”

    Customer: “MOM!” *runs off*

    (She never came back.)

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