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Health Care(less), Part 2

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(A patient comes in for a follow-up. I check their insurance card for charges.)

Me: “It seems that you have a $25 charge. You can pay that in cash, check, or credit card.”

Patient: “I don’t have charges anymore.”

Me: “Oh, did you get a new insurance company?”

Patient: “No, I just don’t have charges anymore.”

Me: “Do you have a new card that reflects that change? If not, I’m required to collect your charge. Then, if it turns out you don’t have one, we will refund it to you.”

Patient: “No, I don’t have a new card. But President Obama says I don’t have to pay.”

Me: “The president told you that you don’t have to pay?”

Patient: “Yeah. He says that Americans get healthcare for free now.”

Me: “Oh, I understand now. However, I think you’ve misunderstood. The Healthcare Bill doesn’t eliminate charges except for preventative, and doesn’t make healthcare free. It just restructures some health insurance policy and such. And it hasn’t gone into effect yet. So, you still have a charge.”

(She reluctantly pays her charge.)

Patient: “Expect to hear from President Obama about this. And don’t expect any sympathy either when he gives you the chair.”

Related:
Health Care(less)

A Heady Proposition, Part 2

| Hialeah, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in with a photo of her daughter. She wants to include it in a business card.)

Customer: “So you guys are able to take this picture, put it on to the computer, and then fix it up nicely?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

(I’m given the picture, and I notice her daughter is facing completely to the right. Not a big deal, so I go ahead and scan the picture. It appears on screen.)

Customer: “Okay. I need you to turn her face towards us.”

Me: “Uh…that’s not possible.”

Customer: “But you said you would fix it up nicely.”

Me: “I can clean the picture up and make your daughter look nice. However, you can’t scan a picture and then turn it around like it was in 3D.”

Customer: “But computers are the reason 3D exists. Now turn my daughter’s head!”

Related:
A Heady Proposition

Childs-pay

| Seattle, WA, USA | Top

Customer: “Okay, so do you take credit card?”

Me: “Of course we do. We take Visa, Mastercard, American Express, first born child…you know, the usual.”

Customer: “Trust me, you do not want my first born child. He’s 41 and way too much of a liability for your company.”

Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

| UT, USA | Uncategorized

(Two customers come in and stand for a minute looking at the menu.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

Customer #1: “Jeez, you guys need to turn on some more lights in here! I can barely see the menu!”

(There is an extended pause as his friend and I stare at him.)

Customer #2: “Maybe because you’re still wearing your sunglasses?”

(He pauses, and then takes off the sunglasses.)

Customer #1: “Oh.”

Contractions Speak Louder Than Words, Part 3

, | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working in the dresses and handbags department. A rushed couple comes up with three items.)

Husband: “We’d just like these, please.”

Me: “Okay, just let me scan those for you.”

Husband: “Wait–that bag is supposed to be $20, not $29.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are not on markdown. The price is clearly marked on the tag.”

Husband: “It was on a $20 rack.”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I worked in luggage last week, and these are brand new. They are not marked down.”

Husband: “Fine, whatever.”

Wife: “Dear…”

Me: “I can call up to check, if you’re concerned.”

Husband: “I don’t have time for that.”

Me: “Do you have any coupons today?”

Husband: “We have a $20 off coupon.”

Me: “Okay, but these items are excluded on the back. Also, you’re short from the eligible purchase amount by a penny. I can call up and see if management will approve it anyway.”

Husband: “We don’t have time for that. My wife is in labor!”

(I look at the wife, who is, in fact, having visible contractions.)

Me: “Sir! You should be at the hospital! Why are you shopping?”

Husband: “It was on the way, and I needed a duffel bag for a trip next week! Now hurry it up!”

Me: “Sir, you need to take your wife to the hospital immediately!”

Husband: “I want to pay for this first! I need a duffel bag!”

Me: “Sir, I can put this on hold in your name. It will be here when you get back. Your wife needs medical care!”

Husband: “Forget the coupon, then. I’ll just pay with the store credit card.”

(I begin ringing him through as quickly as possible.)

Customer: “Wait! Shouldn’t there be a card-use discount?”

Me: “Not today, sir.”

Husband: “D*** it! Cancel it. I’ll use my debit!”

Me: “Sir, your wife is in labor. If you’re not willing to resolve this quickly and talk to management about your card complaints later, you should leave now and take her to the hospital immediately.”

Wife: “Honey, we have to go!”

Husband: “Fine! See if I ever shop here again! You people are killing my wife over a duffel bag!”

Related:
Contractions Speak Louder Than Words, Part 2
Contractions Speak Louder Than Words

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