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    An Inconvenient Convenience

    | Cape Cod, MA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just got my statement in the mail and it says at the bottom to call this number for questions?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

    (A long pause follows.)

    Customer: “OK, so…what are the questions?”

    Me: “No ma’am, that’s in case you had any questions about your statement that you wanted to ask us.”

    Customer: “Oh OK, good. Because I really don’t have the time to be answering your questions.”

    Right Next Door But Worlds Away

    | Idaho, USA |

    (I had just finished taking an order for a customer. My parents are from Germany, so I have a slight accent.)

    Me: “That will be $10.87, ma’am. Anything else for you?”

    Customer: “You have a a very neat accent, miss. Where are you from?”

    Me: “I was born in Colorado, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Wow, really? What language do they speak there?”

    Me: “…”

    There’s No Pills Like Home

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Top

    (A patient called in to inquire about her medication she had just picked up.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Pharmacy.”

    Patient: “Hi, I just picked up this medication, and I think I may have a problem.”

    Me: “Is there something incorrect with how it was filled?”

    Patient: “No, it’s just that the cream here says to apply locally, and I’m going out of town tonight. I was wondering if I could still use it.”

    Me: “Um…yes, yes you can.”

    Patient: “Oh, OK good…. Oh…oh God. I just realized…oh my God, just forget I asked! How stupid of me!”

    Kookie Cookie Karma

    | New York, USA | Top

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes. What are these?”

    Me: “That is a fortune cookie, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It doesn’t look like a cookie. Where are the chocolate chips?”

    Me: “Ma’am, these are a different kind of cookie. You open them up and they tell your fortune on a piece of paper.”

    Customer: “What kind of cookies have paper in them!?”

    Me: “Fortune cookies, ma’am.”

    Customer: “This is an outrage! Cookies are meant to be eaten, and paper isn’t EATABLE!”

    Me: “Please, ma’am, the paper is–”

    Customer: “Shut up! I’m leaving.”

    (The customer begins to storm out but in her anger misses the door and walks right into the wall. When she finally stumbles out, I open up the fortune cookie and read its message: “Do not worry. You will get what is coming to you in life.”)

    Rated R For Reality

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the register with three under 5-year-old kids with a “Watchmen” graphic novel.)

    Me: “Hi! So have you seen Watchmen yet?”

    Customer: “No, we are going right after this.”

    Me: “You do know that Watchmen is a very violent movie geared towards adults, right?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s okay. We’re from the Bronx.”

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