November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Adding Flames To The Fire

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a retail store that sells adult novelties like edible body paint and lingerie. A teenage customer has just bought a lighter with a pot leaf on it around an hour ago.)

Customer: “I want to return this. My mom said I’m not allowed to spend my money on stuff this vulgar.”

Me: “Well, we can either give you a different lighter or a gift card, but our return policy states we don’t give cash back.”

Customer: “Give me a minute.”

(The customer grabs a lighter to exchange it with. It’s in the shape of a hand with its middle finger extended and says ‘f*** you!’ whenever you press the button.)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

| Brisbane, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, this is [taxi service]. Can I have your pickup address please?”

Caller: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Well, you will need to tell me some kind of an address.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just ‘GPS’ me?”

No Faith In Science

| Canberra, Australia | Uncategorized

Child: “What’s the Cretaceous period?”

Mother: “Something scientists made up.”

Me: *chiming in* “It’s the third period that the dinosaurs lived in. It was from about 140-65 million years ago.”

Child: “Really?”

Mother: “The Cretaceous period is just something that scientists made up to dispute Christ.” *turns to face me* “But we won’t get into that.”

What’s Yours Is Mine

| NC, USA | Uncategorized

(In our arcade, we have redeemable prizes for tickets you win by playing games.)

Me: *after counting a little girl’s tickets* “Okay, you have 25 tickets.”

Customer: “Give me a watermelon Air Head!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You don’t have enough tickets for that.”

Customer: “But my President is black!”

Me: “And so is mine.”

Looking Down The Barrel Of A Smoking Gum

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

Customer #1: “Oh my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

Customer #2: “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

Customer #1: “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”