Your Brain’s The Smaller One

| Attleboro, MA, USA | Movies & TV

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a medium popcorn, please.”

Me: “Did you want to make that medium popcorn a large for seventy five cents more?” *I hold up both the medium and large bags*

Customer: “Which one is the large one?”

Me: “I’m…sorry?”

Customer: “Is it the smaller bag?”

Honest Heisters

| Dublin, Ireland | Criminal/Illegal

Me: “Hi. We are calling from [company]. Would you have some time to take part in a survey about Ireland?”

Customer: “No, I can’t take part. I’m just a burglar here.”

Me: “Oh, okay…we will try again some time.”

DIY: Dental It Yourself

, | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Health & Body

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a very fine grit sandpaper.”

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “Thanks! This will be perfect for my teeth!”

Bigot Bait

| Burleson, TX, USA | Top

(I am helping a customer when a red-faced older man walks up and slaps the counter.)

Customer: “Why does [store] have illegals working here?! This is America!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. If you can just calm down–”

Customer: “Don’t you tell me to calm down! I fought for this country! I didn’t fight so that a bunch Mexicans could take over our country. You need to have someone here who speaks English in [department]!”

Me: “Sir, your language and comments are offensive to me, and I would like you to not speak to me again. I will be happy to get a manager for you, though.”

Customer: “F***ing Mexican lover!”

Customer, to his companion: “Let’s get out of here! Now!”

(I walk over to the department he was referencing. However, the only person there is a customer who just happens to be wearing something similar to our uniform. She smiles at me and says, in perfect English, “I really pissed him off, didn’t I?”)

As White As Our Sheets

| Durant, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

Guest: “I think my room might be haunted.”

Me: “Excuse…me?”

Guest: “It’s haunted. Can I move to a new room?”

Me: “Um, yes. I can do that for you.”

Guest: “Could you check the new room first? Make sure there is no bad energy?”

Me: “I can try, sir…”

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