November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not The Best Display Of Human Behavior

| Yorktown, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What do you do with the old displays?”

Me: “We keep most of them on display year-round. The rest are usually thrown away if they display old merchandise.”

Customer: “Can I ask a manager if I can just buy the ones on display right now?”

Me: “I can call him if you’d like, but he’s locked in the office right now checking the safe. We’re closing in a few minutes.”

(I call my manager on the office phone but he promptly replies the same way I did: she cannot buy any of the displays.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re unable to sell them to you. Is there anything I can help you with otherwise? We’re closing and my register will be shut down soon so if you’d like to buy anything, now’s your chance.”

(Woman looks at me and walks out the front door. About ten minutes later, I’m counting out the register drawers and my manager calls over the intercom.)

Manager: “Hey [my name], could you come to the stock room when you get a chance? We need you to identify this woman we found in the dumpster stealing our displays.”

Honey, I Shrunk The Brain

| WA, USA | Uncategorized

(We pack and sell raw local honey in plastic jars.)

Customer: “I don’t like these plastic jars. They are messy. You should use glass jars.”

Me: “Glass is much heavier, and it breaks so easily. But I’ve never noticed it being messier to deal with. How does it trouble you?”

Customer: “Plastic leaks.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I take a bit of honey each night before bed. And every morning there is a ring of honey on the nightstand where it has leaked out of the jar.”

Me: “I know if the jar is poured, you must wipe it off or the drip will run down the outside and make a sticky mess. But the same is true of any honey jar.”

Customer: “No, it leaks out the bottom. And only plastic jars.”

Me: “But all these boxes here are full of plastic jars, and the box bottoms are clean and dry.”

Customer: “Well, of course it doesn’t do it here. It’s only on nightstands!”

Pre-Cog Movie-Log

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “The computer is showing you have a late balance of $5.60.”

Customer: “What? My movie was on time!”

Me: “Looks like it was two days late.”

Customer: “But I just returned it today!”

Me: “Yes, it was a five day rental. It was due two days ago.”

Customer: “But I rented it Thursday! It should have been due today!”

Me: “You actually rented it last Tuesday, exactly one week ago. For the confusion, I can remove your late charge for you this time. Just be a little more careful in the future.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! You rented me my movie on the wrong day! You rented my movie early!”

Me: “You’re saying that I was able to predict what you wanted two days in advance, entered it in the computer, and you came in two days later to get it and pay for it?”

Customer: “That’s exactly what I’m saying! You rented my movie early!”

Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Could I ask why you fled the scene of the accident, sir?”

Customer: “’Because I didn’t have no insurance.”

Me: “Wait, didn’t you say earlier that you were driving right now?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…the vehicle from the accident?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…with no insurance?”

Customer: “What part of ‘Yes, sir,’ do you not understand!?”

Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 3
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2
Pre(Car)ious Insurance

No Sting In This Tale, Part 2

| FL, USA | Uncategorized

Beach Patron: “Excuse me, are these blue jelly things on the beach dangerous?”

Me: “Yes sir, they are in fact Portuguese Man-o-War. They are extremely painful and can still sting you while on land.”

Beach Patron: “They can’t walk, can they?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Beach Patron: “Meaning they can’t walk on land and chase you?”

Me: “No sir, they only live in water.”

Beach Patron: “I feel much safer. Thank you.”

No Sting In This Tale