Found Next To The Irony Section

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to find [diet and exercise book].”

(I go and look up the book for her.)

Me: “Alright, it looks like it will be in our wellness section. Let’s head over there and grab it.”

Customer: “You go get it. I’m tired.”

Being Buried In Your Mortgage

| Beaverton, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(I specialize in modifying loans to make an existing payment more manageable. These are called ‘loan modifications’.)

Customer: “I’m calling for a ‘remortification’.”

Me: *joking* “Okay, so you were previously mortified?”

Customer: “Yes, once before. My payments are too high now. I need to be mortified again.”

You Twin Some, You Lose Some

| UK | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to a sample stand.)

Me: “Would you like to try some noodles?”

Customer: “Sure. Wow, this is so tasty.”

(A very similar looking customer comes in 15 minutes later. He is in a different shirt and pants.)

Customer: “Oh, good. There’s still some noodles left. Can I try some too?”

Me: “Didn’t you just try it? It’s one per customer.”

Customer: “That was my twin brother. We live right across the street and he told me about the noodles.”

Me: “Wow, so both you and your brother have a bandage on that hand?”

Customer: “Uh…” *walks away*

Getting Pea’d Off Is A Bad Sign

| Poulsbo, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(Because of a food shortage due to weather, we are required by management to cut back on our vegetables. In front of our veggie selection is a sign explaining the situation.)

Customer: “This piece of paper is in the way. I can’t see some of your veggies. Can you take it down?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to remove or alter any signs posted by my manager. We have a list of all the veggies we offer here.”

(I point to our veggies list, which is right next to it.)

Customer: “Why are you being so skimpy with the veggies? It’s not like you don’t have more.”

Me: “Actually, our supply is very limited right now due to our shortage of produce.”

Customer: “You need to have a sign explaining this.”

Me: “We do. It’s the piece of paper you wanted me to move.”

Customer: “No one is going to see that!”

Congra-duh-lations

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Top

(A customer comes to pick up her cake. I hand it to her and she starts to laugh.)

Customer: “You’ve spelled this wrong, honey.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can fix it for you right away. How do you spell the name?”

Customer: “The name is right. It’s ‘Congratulations’ you’ve spelled wrong.”

(I look at the cake but see no error.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see a mistake.”

Customer: “Right here. You’ve spelled it with a ‘t’ instead of a ‘d’. It’s okay. You can just give me a discount and I’ll go on with it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not authorized to give discounts.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”

(Long story short, we ended up having to find a dictionary to prove I had spelled it right. She didn’t get a discount.)

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