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    Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 3

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I am trying to find out how much RAM I have on my computer.”

    Me: “Okay. An easy way to find this is to right-click on the my computer icon, and left-click on properties.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. Now what?”

    Me: “You should see a box pop up with information about the computer on it.”

    Caller: “Okay, but nothing happened.”

    Me: “Nothing at all? What do you see on your screen?”

    Caller: “My desktop.”

    Me: “Alright. Well let’s try this again. What happens when you right-click on the my computer icon?”

    Caller: “Nothing.”

    Me: “Is the computer on?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Can you tell me, step by step, what you did?”

    Caller: “Sure. You asked me to write click on my computer, and I didn’t want to write on my brand new computer, so I got a sticky note and wrote ‘click’ on the note. I stuck it to the screen, over the my computer icon.”

    Me: *pause* “Oh. Okay. Well, by saying right-click, I meant pushing the button on the right side of the mouse. When you do this, it makes a clicking noise, so we techies call it ‘right-click’.”

    Caller: “Oh, wow. That makes sense!”

    Related:
    Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 2
    Right-Click, Wrong-Click

    The Brewery Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Micro

    | FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “What sort of soda do you carry?”

    Me: “We have organic root beer-”

    Customer: “Does that taste like root beer?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take one of those.”

    (I go get her root beer and bring it back. It’s in a glass bottle. The woman stares at the bottle.)

    Customer: “This root beer. It doesn’t have alcohol in it, does it?”

    Me: “No, it does not.”

    Customer: “It says ‘beer’ on the side.”

    Me: “That’s part of the name.”

    Customer: “But, it says ‘micro-brewed’ on the side.”

    You’ve Got To Be Kitten, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [vet hospital]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I found some kittens. I am trying to get them to eat. They are small and I don’t think they should be away from their mom.”

    Me: “Okay. Are you able to get some milk replacer from the store?”

    Customer: “Well, I bought some kitten food. They won’t eat it. I am trying to get my cat to nurse them.”

    Me: “Is your cat the mother of the kittens?”

    Customer: “No, but I am trying to get him to nurse them. How can I do that?”

    Me: “Him? Your cat is a male?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I thought cats would adopt kittens and raise them.”

    Me: “You want your male cat to nurse the kittens?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Here is the phone number for the local cat foster program. They will be happy to raise the kittens for you.”

    Related:
    You’ve Got To Be Kitten

    A Popcorn Is Half Empty Kind Of Person

    | NC, USA | Uncategorized

    (Two customers come up, but pay separately.)

    Customer #1: *pays*

    Me: “Have a nice day.”

    Customer #1: “Thanks.”

    Customer #2: *pays*

    Me: “Enjoy your movie.”

    Customer #2: “Thanks, dear.”

    (The first customer stares at me.)

    Customer #1: “I’ll ‘enjoy my movie’ too.” *sulks away*

    The Use Of Regular Is Most Irregular

    | Denton, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Now, if you could just sign your name on the line, and then write it regular on the line below…”

    Customer: *signs his name and below it writes ‘regular’*

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