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    So Stupid It’s Iconic

    | Stevensville, MD, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “[Business name] Computers. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t get this internet program installed. Can I just have you guys do it?”

    Me: “Sure. Just bring in your computer tower and we’ll take care of that for you.”

    (About fifteen minutes later, the customer comes in the front door carrying his monitor.)

    Me: “Can I help you bring in the rest of your computer, sir?”

    Customer: “Rest of my computer? This is my computer.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. That is just your monitor. It only displays what your computer tells it to. What we need is your tower. It looks like one of these.”

    (I point to several other towers in the store.)

    Customer: “Well, as long as I have this in here, can you remove some of the icons from the screen that I don’t use?”

    Costs To Put You In The Red

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, this is [company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I am trying to print out a report. I was wondering if you could stop emailing it in color. The color ink is very expensive!”

    Very Sake Customers

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

    Customer #1: “I want a salmon roll. It comes with salmon inside…wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

    Me: “Sure. That is how salmon rolls always come, anyway.”

    Customer #2: “I would also like a spicy tuna roll. Just spicy tuna…wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s how all of our rolls come. You can just say the name of the roll.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, and I’ll also have a cucumber roll…with cucumber inside, wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

    Baking Up Baby

    | NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get cookies. How much are they?”

    Me: “By the size of the box or the bag. We have 4 and 8 pound bags, and different sized boxes.”

    Customer: “8 pound bag? So I could fit a whole baby in there?”

    Not A Smart Guy, Period

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Uncategorized

    Me: “Okay, sir. The email address is [name]@[company].com.”

    Caller: “Dot-com. Is that all one word?”

    Me: “Dot, as in a full stop.”

    Caller: “Smart guy, huh?!”

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