Remember Remember, Dismember Or Distemper

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pet clinic]. How may I help you today?”

Client: “My dog is due for it’s dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper? We can set up an appointment for that.”

Client: “Yes, dismemberment. I need my dog to get his dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper.”

Client: “How much is the dismemberment shot?”

Me: “The distemper vaccine is [vaccine]. Would you like to set up an appointment for your dog to receive the distemper vaccine?”

Client: “Yes, please. I would like you to dismember my dog.”

She Must Be High(lands)

| Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

(We get called to a hay-bale fire in a field. We were the first on scene, but we couldn’t see any fire. The incident was also right next to an air force base. I end up calling the person who reported the fire.)

Me: “Can you please tell us where the fire is, ma’am?”

Caller: *slurring her words* “It’s doon there in the field. There’s a few hay bales on fire, aye.”

Me: “Thank you. We will just have a look.”

(We look.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we couldn’t find any trace of a fire in that field. Are you sure you saw flames?”

Caller: “No, but I did see some odd lights in the sky. I thought it was one of them UFOs.  I thought you would want tae have a wee bittie look!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. W’re the fire brigade. We only deal with fires. Perhaps you would like to speak to the air force base next door?”

Caller: “Ach, it’s fine. I’ll just carry on watching the telly then, and hope the b****** dinnae come back!”

Some Customers Just Waltz In

| Gaithersburg, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a customer in the video game section of a toy store. Another customer comes in and approaches an employee.)

Customer: “Do you have the dance dance game?”

Employee: “We might. For which system?”

Customer: “Dancing?”

Employee: “No. We need to know, because they only work on the system they were meant for.”

Customer: “It’s for the television.”

Employee: “Yes, but-”

Customer: “You put the thing on the floor and jump around like this!”

(The customer starts jumping around. It is actually a fairly good representation of playing ‘Dance Dance Revolution’.)

Now That Is A Wonder Bra

, | Brighton, UK | Uncategorized

(The ‘invisible bras’ we advertise talk about the see-through straps.)

Customer: “I thought this was an invisible bra, but I can see it!”

(She is pointing angrily at the black bra under her thin white top.)

Me: *playing along* “No, miss. The invisible bras were the ones next to those ones. I don’t know how you didn’t see them.”

Between The Teen Computer Screen

| Online | Uncategorized

Me: *via online chat* “It’s just the date of birth that doesn’t match on your account. But I have the correct account pulled up here.”

Customer: “Maybe if I tried to make the account when I was very young, I might have claimed to be eighteen at the time. But the month and day would still be the same!”

Me: “…I see.”

Customer: “Yes. I know it was very wrong of teenager-me to claim to be an adult. However, I can hardly ground her at this point.”

Related:
Between The Preteen Gender Screen

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