This Customer Defies Natural Selection

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Do you have any questions or need any samples?”

Customer: “I do have a question on this tile in here.”

(The customer shows me a natural stone travertine that has a lot of variation through it.)

Customer: “I love the look of this tile. Can I just get this tile pattern on this one tile? I don’t like these other ones.”

Me: “Sir, natural stone varies, so no two tiles will look alike. You will get the same colors generally, but not the exact same pattern. You can see the change in the other tiles next to it. They are actually all the same tile.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Tile doesn’t vary. You can make it look however you want. I saw it on TV. That ‘how to make stuff’ show.”

Me: “Sir, this is a natural material made by nature. I have no control over what patterns and colors come out of the mountain.”

Customer: “Well, you should talk to your supplier about that. This is just ugly. I hate natural stone.”

Let There Be Light(ers)

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any tables available outside?”

(They look straight ahead to the patio and cut me off before I can say a word.)

Customer: “Oh, never mind. The sun is shining in the direction of the patio.”

Me: “We have a second patio on the other side of the restaurant.”

(I am about to lead them there when the customer realizes there is a non-smoking sign.)

Customer: “Oh, never mind. I need to be able to smoke. I guess we’ll take the patio with the sunlight shining.”

(I am taking them out to their table when the customer’s wife turns and smiles to me.)

Customer’s wife: “We just don’t want to get cancer from the sun.”

Peppered With Mistakes

| Richmond, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Is that chicken?”

Me: “No, they are stuffed jalapeños.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s pork?”

Me: “No, it’s a stuffed jalapeño.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “A pepper.”

Customer: “Is that so?”

(The customer’s husband approaches and sees the stuffed jalapeños.)

Customer’s husband: “What is that?”

Me: “Stuffed jalapeños.”

Customer’s husband: “Oh, so it’s fish?”

Zombies Need Contractors Too

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized, Zombies

(A customer calls and asks about a company that is subcontracted to manage some machinery in the warehouse. I explain it to him.)

Caller: “Oh, so you’re an umbrella corporation, then?”

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s correct. Except we don’t have zombies.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, what?”

Me: “Never mind, sir. Did you have any other questions today?”

Related:
Zombies Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Pressing All The Wrong Buttons, Part 3

| OK, USA | Uncategorized

(I work as a tech support agent for a cell phone company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support! My name is Steven. May I please have the ten digit telephone number you’re calling about today?”

(The customer rattles off the number.)

Me: “Thank you! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “You can fix my d*** phone, that’s what!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having issues with your phone, sir. What exactly is going on?”

(The customer proceeds to explain the issue, with a good deal of vulgarity involved.)

Me: “Okay, sir, that’s actually a known issue with the phone. I can walk you through some steps to get it fixed.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! Just turn the f***ing dial or whatever!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I know you have a dial or a knob or something to make my phone connect! Just f***ing push it!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Here’s what we need to do. Type in this code, exactly the way I tell you. When it comes back up, let me know. This will let me connect to your phone, and make sure it’s tied to the tower. Now, it might erase some of your data on the phone. It’s a new method we’re trying out.”

(I give him the steps to reset the phone, which is exactly what we’re supposed to do to fix the problem.)

Customer: “Finally!”

(He punches in the code. We wait for the phone to reboot. I’m quietly typing notes into the account.)

Customer: “It’s back up now.”

Me: “Great, sir! I’m going to push the button to reconnect you now!”

(I put the headset microphone close to my keyboard, and pound on a button. I make a nice, loud CLICK sound.)

Me: “Okay, try making a call to our test number.”

(I give him the test number. The customer dials the number and gets the automated response.)

Me: “Alright then, sir. Looks like you’re back up and running! Was there anything else?”

Customer: “No, that’s it. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about the button.” *hangs up*

Related:
Pressing All The Wrong Buttons, Part 2
Pressing All The Wrong Buttons

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