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    Would Like To Explain, But They Haven’t Got Time

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (A couple are talking in the TV section.)

    Wife: “Honey, come look at this 3D TV! The picture is amazing. Maybe we should think about getting one of these.”

    Husband: “No. We should wait until next year, when they come out with the 4D TVs.”

    Hannibal On Line Two

    , | Falls Church, VA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of dealership].”

    Caller: “Can I speak to the body parts department?”

    Me: “Do you mean the body shop?”

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 5

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A caller is saying that her cable isn’t working. I determine that her TV simply is not switched on.)

    Me: “Okay. I just need you to press the power button on your remote, and your TV will work.”

    Customer: “I can’t find the remote! Make it work!”

    Me: “Don’t worry. Just press the power button on your TV for me.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a power button on my TV!”

    Me: “Okay. Can you do me a favor and read out the buttons you see on your TV?”

    Customer: “The first one says ‘pooer’.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Pooer.”

    Me: “Can you spell that for me, please?”

    Customer: “P-O-W-E-R.”

    Me: “Great, that’s your power button.”

    Customer: “No, it says ‘pooer’.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you that’s your power button. Please just press it.”

    Customer: “Well, they must have misspelled it.”

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4
    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3
    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2
    Not Remotely Intelligent

    The Price Is Always Right

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Uncategorized

    (I put a customer’s purchase through. The computer automatically discounts the purchase from $35 to $29.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry, you’ve made some mistake. The price isn’t correct on the screen.”

    Me: “Yes, there’s actually a discount on some of your items.”

    Customer: “No. I added the prices as I went around. I’m very good at maths, and you’ve processed the sale wrong.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m confused. You would rather pay the full price?”

    Customer: “Give me your manager.”

    (My manager has overheard most of this.)

    Manager: “Can I help?”

    Customer: “Your staff has processed my sale completely wrong. I demand that you correct this.”

    Manager: “Of course.” *bumps the price up* “The price is $35, ma’am.”

    Customer: *glowering in my direction* “Didn’t hurt, did it?”

    Application Confrontation

    | Turlock, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m walking the floor. A customer walks through the front door and approaches me.)

    Customer: *mutters* “Where do I go to fill out an application?”

    (I have a walkie-talkie and headset on. When the customer asks her question, my manager begins to speak to me over the walkie.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t quite catch that.”

    Customer: *raised voice* “Where. Can. I. Go. To. Get. An. App-li-ca-tion? Don’t they teach you how to listen here?”

    Me: “Yes, they do. Someone was talking in my ear, so I didn’t hear you the first time. You can pick up an application over here.”

    (I walk her to the application kiosk. About an hour goes by, and I get a call on the walkie that a customer wants to see me. It’s the same customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, you again. I just finished with my application. Is there a manager or human resources available to talk to? Should I repeat myself again?”

    Me: “You’re talking to him.”

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