Quite Dim At Sums

| Lewiston, ID, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer punches in her debit number at the end of the transaction.)

Customer: “Now, which key do I press?”

(There are 3 buttons. Cancel (x, red button), back (left arrow, yellow button) and enter (carriage return, green button).)

Me: “The green one.”

Customer: “I can’t read those Chinese pictures.”

Acting Flippantly, Part 2

| Kearney, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(I am answering a call that a coworker had already taken 10 minutes prior.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, I just called a little bit ago. Some girl told me to take out my SIM card and battery, and that would make my phone work again. My battery is fully charged but the phone won’t turn back on.”

Me: “You may need to just hold the power button a little longer. What kind of phone do you have?”

Caller: “It flips.”

Me: “Well, just press the red key button for a few seconds and it should turn right on for you.”

Caller: “There are only 3 buttons, and none are red. Do you know what you are talking about?”

Me: “Sir, please flip open the phone. You will find the red button I’m talking about.”

Caller: “So, I actually have to open it?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Well, d*** I feel stupid. I’d like to talk to your boss for making me feel so d*** stupid!”

Related:
Acting Flippantly

Should Get Her Eyes Tested

| Marion, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for choosing [optometrists]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I looked up DNA tests on the internet, and your number came up.”

Me: “I’m not exactly sure why that would be. This is an optometrist’s office.”

Caller: “So, you can’t help me find my baby-daddy?”

This Tutor Should Have Been Screened Harder

| Australia | Top

(I am reinstalling the operating system on one of the student computers. I leave a note on it stating that it is out of order, and that students shouldn’t touch the computer. A tutor walks in, and reads the note. He looks at computer screen, and reads the note one more time. He then turns the computer off before I can react.)

Tutor: “I think there’s something wrong with this computer.”

Me: “Why did you turn it off? Who told you to turn off?”

Tutor: “Oh, the note said students weren’t allowed to touch it.”

Me: “Okay, there’s a loophole there, I guess. But why did you turn it off?”

Tutor: “I don’t know.”

Rolling Your ‘R’s Can Be Bizarre

| Philippines | Uncategorized

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you mean ‘R’ as in ‘Robert’?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I meant ‘R’ as in ‘Oscarrrrrrr’!”

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