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    Saigon, And Thanks For The Memories

    | Long Island, NY, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for light weight shirts, I’m going on vacation!”

    Me: “Well, that’s very exciting. Where to?”

    Customer: “Vietnam. Haven’t been to that d*** place in over forty years!”

    Me: “Wow, sir. That must be quite a bit for you.”

    Customer: “You bet. At least I know I’ll only be shooting a camera this time!”

    Dummy Request

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    (We have dummy displays set up of all the phones we sell.)

    Me: “Hello sir, can I help you with a new cell phone today?”

    Customer: “No. I’m just looking for a new battery for my phone.”

    Me: “Sorry, but we don’t carry batteries for cell phones. You might try the battery store across the street.”

    Customer: “How much to buy one of the displays?”

    Me: “Well those are just dummy phones.”

    Customer: “I know that. I just want to take the battery from it.”

    Even Vampires Don’t Want That ‘Blood’

    | Hayward, CA, USA |

    (This at the DVD release of the Twilight Movie, two men approach the desk. They are Caucasian.)

    Customer #1: “Hey lend me some money, I wanna buy this movie!”

    Customer #2: “Naw, get your own cash!”

    Customer #1: “C’mon, this movie got leprechauns!”

    Customer #2: “Dang, I ain’t gonna give you no cash!”

    Customer #1: “Man you spoozy!”

    (Customer #1 walks off, returns with Twilight.)

    Customer #1: “C’mon! It’s on sale! Jus’ lend me 20!”

    Customer #2: “Alright fine, take it.”

    Customer #1: *looking at me* “Eh man, know what this movie’s about?”

    Me: “Well–”

    Customer #2: *pointing at the characters on the cover* “This one’s a vampire, and this b**** don’t know ’bout it!”

    Bad Parenting Is A Sticky Fingered Subject

    | San Luis Obispo, CA, USA |

    (I work at a self-serve frozen yogurt shop, where people get their own yogurt and toppings then pay by weight.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, you should be supervising this store. These kids are putting their fingers in the toppings. It’s not clean!”

    (I look around for a parent, but there seems to be nobody else of suitable age in the shop.)

    Me: “Are these your children?”

    Customer: “Yes, but you should be supervising them! It’s your job!”

    Not The Cream Of The Crop

    | UK |

    Me: “Thanks for calling [credit card company], how can I help you today?”

    Caller: “I bought my crops on Farmville using your card. I forgot to water them and they’ve all died. Am I covered on purchase protection for that?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Caller: “I thought you’d be like that. Thanks anyway.” *click*

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