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    Bird Brained, Part 6

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “No, just the bird seed will do.”

    Me: “Alright then.”

    Customer: “CACAAWW!”

    (Moments later, a similar bird call comes from the other end of the store.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Oh that’s my wife. We do that so we can always find each other wherever we go.”

    Related:
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 5

    You’ll Just Have To Weight

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Could you add the tomato I sampled to the total price?”

    Me: “Do you mean you ate it?”

    Customer: “Yes, please add it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we charge tomatoes by the pound, so that would be kind of hard to do.”

    Customer: *thinks for a second* “Well, I weighed 157 pounds before I ate it…”

    Assault And Battery

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I think I have a problem with my computer. I tried fixing it myself, but now it’s just not booting at all. I’d like to have it backed up too while you’re at it, because I run a business and I can’t afford to lose anything.”

    (The next day, I call the customer.)

    Me: “Hello sir, was this the only copy you had for your business data?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well, do you have any disgruntled employees that may have had access to your computer recently?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well sir, the hard drive has been hacked at with what looks like a flat-head screwdriver, severing a connection on the bottom.  It appears very deliberate, and we wont be able to retrieve your data.”

    Customer: “Do you mean the battery?”

    Me: “No, sir, the hard drive.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought that little round thing on the bottom of the hard drive was a battery. I was just trying to replace it. Well, I’ll just come in and pick that up.”

    Customer: “Very good sir.”

    (4 minutes later, he calls back.)

    Customer: “Just a quick thing, if my wife comes in, and asks about it, could you leave that part out?”

    With Customers Like These, Who Needs Anemones

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Guest: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Me: “Hi there! Do you have a question?”

    Guest: “Yes. What is this?” *points to a specimen*

    Me: “That is called a sea anemone.”

    Guest: “Oh…” *walks away, only to walk back a few moments later* “What are they the enemies of?”

    Corrupt The Kids And You’ll Have H*** Toupee

    | Melbourne, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (I’m a female. I’ve recently shaved my head for charity.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mum, there’s a boy-lady!”

    Customer: *distracted* “Is there darling?”

    Customer’s Son: “Yes, at the counter.”

    (The mother glares at me.)

    Customer: “I see.”

    Customer’s Son: “Can I be a boy-lady?”

    Customer: “No. No you cannot.”

    (They finish what they’re doing and as they’re leaving the mother calls me over.)

    Customer: “I don’t care what you do at home, but if you want to pass for female in public, buy a d*** wig. You’re corrupting the kids!”

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