October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Lt. Ripley Goes Shopping

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any wasp spray?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re currently out. Maybe [other store] has it.”

(The customer thanks me and walks away. Thirty minutes later I see him at the checkout with a super-soaker, some lighters and a one liter bottle of lighter fluid. I just stare at him in disbelief.)

Customer: “Wish me luck!”

A Wee Bit Of A Problem

| Texas USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Me: "Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I help you?"”

Caller: "I would like to know where people go to buy those cups."

Me: What kind of cups are you looking for, sir?"

Caller: "Sample cups."

Me: "Sample cups? Do you mean like for a urine sample?"

Caller: "Yeah! I need quite a few."

Me: "I guess you could get them at a medical supply company. Have you tried that?"

Caller: "Oh boy! Thank you, lady! You have helped me so much! See, I am looking for work and most places require a urine test. I want to have my samples all ready to go!"

The Land Of The Free From Thought

| London | Food & Drink, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(I work in a cafe popular with tourists. During one afternoon I see an American man lighting a cigarette. We have a smoking ban in the UK that bans smoking in all public places.)

Me: “Excuse me sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to smoke that cigarette outside.”

Customer: “Why?”

(I explain the smoking ban to him.)

Customer: “That’s bulls***! That’s a breach of the First Amendment!”

Me: “Sir, I have no idea what that is, though I think it’s something to do with free speech.”

Customer: *shocked* “How can you not know the First Amendment? It’s the law!”

Me: “It’s your law, judging by your accent. We have a completely different set of laws.”

Customer: “England has its own laws?”

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2

| New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

(I am shopping at a retail store where employees don’t wear uniforms, but encourage their sales associates to wear clothes purchased from their store. I’ve picked up a shirt from a stack of folded clothes, looked at it, and folded it again. A woman comes up to me holding a scarf.)

Customer: “Do you have this in blue? I saw it in blue last week but now I can’t find it.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But I think I just saw a sales person over there.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you work here. I just saw you fold that shirt! If you can’t be bothered to help me, call someone else on your little radio or something. But don’t lie to me – I’m not stupid! Use your radio and find me a blue scarf!”

Me: “Listen, I don’t know what else I can tell you. I don’t have a radio to call someone as I do not work here.”

Customer: “Just stop it already! Someone needs to teach you how to treat customers with respect. Of course you work here; you are wearing clothes from the d*** store! I’m not stupid! Where is your manager?”

(I decide to ignore her and continue about my business. A couple of minutes later I hear a now familiar voice.)

Customer: “That girl right there. She didn’t want to help me, so she just pretended she didn’t work here.”

(I turn around and see the woman standing behind me with the store manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, this lady doesn’t work here. She is just a shopper like you.”

Customer: “But… she is wearing clothes from this store!”

Manager: *looking at me apologetically as I’m trying hard not to laugh* “A lot of people wear clothes from this store, ma’am. That’s the whole point of buying them. Our employees all wear a name tag; that’s how you can tell them apart from customers.”

Customer: “I think you are just covering for your employee because you know she messed up. This is unbelievable! I just wanted this scarf in blue! I am never shopping here again!”

(She turns around to leave. As she storms out, she spots another customer and yells at her.)

Customer: “I suppose you don’t work here either, huh?!”

Other Customer: *without batting an eye* “Nope. But I have that scarf in blue, and let me tell you – it’s gorgeous!”

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

Loony Over A Loonie

| Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Canada, Top

(I am ringing out an American girl. Keep in mind Canada uses coins for $1 and $2.)

Me: “…and your change is $3.64. You have a wonderful day.”

Customer: “Excuse me, you didn’t give me the right change.”

Me: “Yes I did.”

Customer: “No you didn’t. You only gave me coins, no paper.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re in Canada, and here we use coins.” *I hold up a $1 coin* “This is a loonie, and is worth $1.”

Customer: “What’s a Canada?”

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