July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Zombies Need Life Insurance Too

| VA, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”

Related:
Zombies Need Retail Contractors Too
Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Caller On Line (Number) Two

| Emeryville, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: ”Thank you for calling [store]. This is Ella. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I need [muddled].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t really hear you.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I said I can’t hear you too well.”

Customer: “Oh, god d*** it! Hang on!”

(There is a lot of grunting, a fart, and then the toilet flushes)

Customer: “Can you hear me now?!”

Good Students Stick To The Books

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need books for my son’s chemistry lab class. No used copies, please. I only want new.”

(I come back bringing a new copy of the book and give it to her. The cover of the book is made out of paper that has a shiny texture.)

Customer: “This book is all sticky! Do you have any copies that aren’t all sticky?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. They are all like that. That’s just how they are made.”

Customer: “Are you sure these are new? They feel sticky! My son can’t have used books. These feel like they’ve been used!”

Me: “The book is brand new. We don’t even sell any used copies of it, because students have to write in it and tear out pages.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m going to look somewhere else for that book. Do you have the books for his other class?”

(I look up the class and all we have are used copies. I bring out the best looking used copy we have and offer it. It looks like it hasn’t been opened.)

Customer: “No, this is used. I can’t buy anything that is used! Someone might have read it in bed!”

Outcome TV Determined

| Broken Arrow, OK, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer calls in to order a movie from an ad that was just on television.)

Customer: “I want the [name of movie].”

Me: “Okay, do you want it on DVD or VHS?”

Customer: “What’s a DVD?”

Me: “Okay, I’ll send it to you on VHS.”

Customer: “What’s a VHS?”

Me: “A video tape.”

Customer: “A video tape? What the heck is that?”

Me: “The tape you put in your VCR to make the movie come on.”

Customer: “VCR?”

Me: “Is there a box on your TV?”

Customer: “What’s a TV?”

Me: “Your television, the thing you just watched and saw this ad on.”

Customer: “Please just give me the show. You’re making this very confusing.”

Me: “I need to know what format to send it to you.”

Customer: “I don’t know what you’re talking about! My son makes the pictures come on.”

For Spanish Press 2, For Telepaths Press 3

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your account number?”

Caller: “You may.”

*pause*

Me: “Sir?”

Caller: “Oh, did you need me read it aloud to you?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

Caller: “It is [account number].”

Me: “Thank you. And for security, could I ask you to confirm the mailing address on the account?”

Caller: “Yep.”

*pause again*

Caller: “Oh, did you mean I have to read that too?”

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