Featured Story:
  • A Total Brazil Nut
    (1,466 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    I Sense Toil And Trouble

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Religion, Uncategorized

    (A customer hands me a ticket to a movie that we are not ready to let people into yet.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The auditorium for [movie] is just being cleaned right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

    Another customer: *comes running up to me* “What did you say about [movie]? What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Nothing is wrong. We’re just cleaning the seats and aisles before we let people in.”

    Another customer: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said it was being ‘cleansed’. I don’t want a movie theater that believes in that new-age spiritual witchcraft stuff!”

    Me: “Oh. Nothing like that happens here.”

    Another customer: “Good!”

    (The movie she was waiting to see? ‘Season Of The Witch’.)

    Caldera Cravings

    | CA, USA | Math & Science, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

    Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

    (I point out several of the other options.)

    Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

    Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

    Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

    Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

    Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

    Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

    Tourist: “Yes it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”

    Get The Correct Word, Step By Step

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Funny Names, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (I’m stocking the shelves in the electronics/gadgets section when a husband and wife come over. The husband is shouting behind the wife.)

    Husband, to me: “Pedometer! She wants a PEDOMETER!”

    Wife, to husband: “Shut up! I know what I want!”

    Husband: “Tell her it’s a Pedometer!”

    Wife, to me: “Hi, do you have any pedofi–”

    Me: “Pedometers!”

    Customers Are Going Gaga

    , | San Juan, Puerto Rico | At The Checkout, Money, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’m working the cash register. A male customer of about 40 comes by and places their order. He proceeds to give me his credit card.)

    Me: “May I see some ID, please?”

    (He stares at me for a moment then breaks out into song as he hands me the ID.)

    Customer: “Can’t read my, can’t read my, no you can’t read my pooooookeer faaaaaaace!”

    This Deal Is A Steal

    | Iceland | Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (I’m assisting a tourist that is looking for a t-shirt to take home with pictures of Iceland on them.)

    Me: “Well, we don’t sell those t-shirts but there are quite a few of them down town and I know of one that has a 3 for 2 special offer on t-shirts.”

    Customer: “Could you also explain to me what a 3 for 2 offer is?”

    Me: “Sure, it means that you get 3 t-shirts for the price of 2.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand, so we steal the 3rd one? Isn’t shoplifting illegal here like in the states?”

    Me: “Yes, shoplifting is illegal here, but you wouldn’t be stealing the 3rd shirt. It just means that you choose 3 t-shirts and pay for 2 and then get the 3rd as a free gift sort of.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “You choose 3 t-shirts, and as the sales person scans them in to the register you get a 100% discount on the 3rd t-shirt. Therefore, you’ll get it for free with the other 2.”

    Customer: “I’ll go down there, but if they arrest me for shoplifting, I’m telling the police that you told me to!”

    Page 1,745/2,600First...1,7431,7441,7451,7461,747...Last