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    Violence On TV, Stupidity On The Couch

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    (A video rental customer approaches with two young children.)

    Customer: “Hey, you guys seen Con Air?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Why’s it rated R?”

    Me: “Well, the language is pretty strong, but it’s primarily because of the violence.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, does it have any sex in it?”

    Me: “Um, not that I recall.”

    Customer: “Okay, great. Hey kids, we’re getting Con Air!”

    Racists: At Least Get Your Countries Straight

    | Stockholm, Sweden |

    (I am a student in Sweden and I just finished making a transaction for a nice Japanese couple at a tourist center. Another tourist comes up.)

    Me, in Swedish: “Can I help you?”

    Customer, in English: “Sure, can you tell me about…” *mumbles*

    Me, in English: “Can you repeat that, please?”

    Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare mock me! You can’t speak American, you Chino!”

    Me: “I’m Russian.”

    Customer: “Well, you still can’t speak American!”

    Me: “I was raised in the UK. And it’s called English.”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Boss: “What the f*** was that about?!”

    Speak For Yourself

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “My wife sent me in here to pick up some chestnut brown and I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Okay, is that makeup or hair color?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, she just said chestnut brown.”

    Me: “Do you happen to remember the brand name?”

    Customer: “No! She just said chestnut brown. Weren’t you listening?”

    Me: “Well, it sounds like hair dye to me. Let’s have a look.”

    (We both go to the hair coloring aisle and I start to look through every shade in every brand. The man does not help at all; it takes me ten minutes.)

    Me: “Here you go sir, this is Garnier Hair Color, chestnut brown.”

    Customer: “Are you sure that’s it? I don’t want to go home and have to come back.”

    Me: “You could call your wife and ask her.”

    Customer: “She’s not at home. Oh wait, hold on.”

    (He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read it.)

    Customer: “Yep, Garnier chestnut brown. That’s it!”

    Me: “Sir, no offense, but you could have saved us a lot of time by reading that note in the first place.”

    Customer: “That’s the problem with this country, nobody wants to work anymore!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s our problem.”

    Thank God For Better Halves

    | Calgary, AB, Canada |

    (An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

    Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

    Customer: “Right.”

    Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

    Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

    Customer’s wife: “Give me that!”

    (She gets control of the phone.)

    Customer’s wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

    Related:
    Take A Guess Who The Better Half Is

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

    | Sault Ste Marie, MI, USA |

    (Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.)

    Customer: “What’s that fountain for in the park?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “That fountain, right next to the locks. What’s that for?”

    Me: “The fountain in the park?”

    Customer: “Yeah. What’s that for? It’s part of the locks, right?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a fountain.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: “It sprays water up and looks pretty?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but what does it DO? It’s part of the locks right?”

    Me: “Uh… no. It’s just a fountain. It’s there for decoration.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “It… drains the locks.”

    Customer: “OH! That’s so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the fountain?”

    Me:“… No. It’s a fountain.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should.”

    (She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “Did that just happen?”

    Coworker: “We have to remember that one.”

    (And that’s what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it filters the Great Lakes.)

    Related:
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    Ask A Stupid Question …


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