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    The Spite At The End Of The Tunnel

    | Virginia, USA | Top

    (I’ve had a migraine all day on the job at the grocery store. I am making a valiant effort to fake it just a little longer, when…)

    Customer: “You look too happy.”

    Me: “Well, I’m–”

    Customer: “I can fix that.”

    (The customer proceeds to pull out something from her purse and shine a very bright light in my eyes. I take several steps back in pain.)

    Customer: “There! I told you we could fix that!”

    Always Right, Even When Devouring Your Mortal Soul

    | Lynnwood, WA, USA |

    (A teenage customer comes up to my checkout with a bag of chips.)

    Customer: “This job must suck, am I right?”

    Me: “It’s ok. It’s not horrible. I get paid to tell people how much to pay and sit around most the time. It’s pretty slow this time of day.”

    Customer: “You should get out of here and go to college! Get an education!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m already in college. This job and one other is paying for me to go to college, as well as my rent.”

    Customer: “Hey! The customer is always right! You can’t correct me! And if I didn’t eat junk food, then I would eat your soul! How much for this?”

    Me: “$1.08, sir.”

    Customer: *pays and leaves*

    Coworker, to me: “Did he just say he was going to eat your soul?”

    A Penny Lost Is A Penny Earned

    | Indiana, USA | Top

    Me: “Would you like to sign up for our free checking account?”

    Customer: “No, I usually keep my money in my sofa for safe keeping.”

    Me: “You shouldn’t do that.”

    Customer: “But it gains interest.”

    Me: “How does that work?”

    Customer: “When people come over, they keep losing their change in my couch.”

    I Get By With A Little Help From Employees

    | Torrance, CA, USA |

    (I walk into a convenience store, and the only clerk in the store is helping an older man in a dress shirt button up his shirt. The man in the shirt notices me walk in.)

    Man: “Hey buddy, you mind helping me button up this top button?”

    Me: “Um, OK…”

    (The man approaches me and, after much effort, I manage to get his top button tied. The shirt is obviously way too small. He thanks me and the clerk, then heads out the door, buttoning the rest of his shirt.)

    Clerk: “Thanks. That’s the third time he’s been in here this week.”

    Lacking The Most Important Sense Of All: Common

    | Sugar Land, TX, USA | Top

    (At my store, we have several baggers that are deaf. On this day, one of them was bagging for me and I was running a register.)

    Customer: *to bagger* “Excuse me, where is the mens’ room?”

    Bagger: *motions that he is deaf and cannot hear him*

    Customer: “I SAID where is the mens’ room?!”

    Bagger: *points to the sign on his nametag stating he is deaf*

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to tell me where the mens’ room is?!”

    Me: “Sir, he can’t hear you; he’s deaf.”

    Customer: “Why is he so f***ing rude? I asked him a question; he could just TELL me he’s deaf.”

    Me: “Sir, the mens’ room is over there.” *points*

    Customer: *to bagger* “You should’ve told me you’re deaf. It’s rude to not answer people like that.”

    Me: *signs to bagger to tell him what the customer said*

    Bagger: *signs back, “What an idiot!”*

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