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    When You’re Always Right, The Earth Revolves Around You

    , | Kennesaw, GA, USA |

    (While working at the drive-thru window early one morning, a woman starts talking to me as I am waiting on her food.)

    Customer: “Can you name 7 planets?”

    Me: “Uh…I can name 9, if you want to include Pluto…” *names the planets*

    Customer: “What about the sun?”

    Me: “The sun is a star.”

    Customer: “Oh. What about the moon?”

    Me: “The moon is our natural satellite…”

    Customer: “Huh. But it doesn’t move.”

    Me: “The moon revolves around the Earth.”

    Customer: “But the moon doesn’t move. I can see it right now.”

    Me: *hands her her food* “OK ma’am…have a nice day.”

    And Here’s To You, Fido Robinson

    | Mountain View, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, Mrs. ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m very upset because you have my dog’s name before my last name here on this check-in sheet!”

    Me: “Well, that’s because we print out the pet’s first name and your last name so we know who the pet belongs to.”

    Customer: “But this is horrible! It is though you are saying I am married to my dog! I’m not into bestiality!”

    Me: “No, it is more that we are trying to say that you are like the pet’s parent.”

    Customer: “You are saying that I gave birth to a dog?!”

    Me:” No…I’m really sorry, but the computer prints out the pet’s first and the owner’s last name. It is part of the system and I cannot change it.”

    Customer: “It’s the computer’s fault?”

    Me: “Yes. I am so sorry, but I cannot change the program. It does this for every pet.”

    Customer: “Then black out the name on the paper so nobody thinks I am married to him!”

    Diaper Baby Buffet Dumpers

    | Vancouver, Canada | Family & Kids

    (I’m a customer coming back from the buffet line with food and notice another customer changing her baby’s diaper, right in the middle of the seating area.)

    Me: “Madam? You can’t do that here.”

    Customer: “This won’t be too long!”

    Me: “That’s a table–you can’t change your baby there!”

    Customer: “Yes, I can! I just need to be quick! You can just clean this!”

    Me: “I happen to be a health inspector and–”

    Customer: “S***!” *runs away with the baby, leaving the dirty diaper on the table*

    Me: “–that was my table right there.”

    Bus boy: “Let me move you to a new table…”

    Hope For The Best, Prepare For The 50 Megaton Blast

    | Jersey, Channel Islands |

    (I work in an electronics & gas appliance store. A customer is inquiring about fireplaces.)

    Customer: “I would like a power flue, but if the electricity cuts out I’ll be left with no heating!”

    Supervisor: “We’re pretty lucky here, though. The electricity very rarely cuts out.”

    Customer: “But…what if they drop a bomb?!”

    Supervisor: “Well, um…we’d all be dead, so it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

    Customer: “No, not necessarily. Unfortunately, some of us will survive, and we will be left with no heating!”

    Supervisor: “How…unfortunate?”

    Security Insecurity

    | Albany, NY, USA |

    Customer: “I want to pay my cell phone bill.”

    Me: “Sure. May I have your wireless number?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t give that out.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, I need your wireless number in order to pull up your account.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t give anyone my number. That’s personal and private. Let me give you my social…”

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