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    A Number 666 With A Side Of Brimstone

    , | Newfoundland, Canada |

    (After serving them their fast food, a woman with a family of six runs up to the counter, furious.)

    Customer: “You! You stacked our food wrong! Now my kids are crying!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Come look!”

    (She brings me down to their table, where their three pre-teens are crying their eyes out and her husband looks incredibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Look!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see anything wrong with your food–”

    Customer: “[Child #1] is supposed to eat first, but his food is on the bottom! We won’t be able to get it without moving the other things!”

    Me: “I don’t think I understand.”

    Customer: “He’s the first person on the left! He has to eat first, or Satan will claim his soul!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (I decide to ask counter-clockwise around the table what everyone ordered, and hand them their food out off the pile.)

    Customer:, “Oh, thank you! You will serve as a warrior of God someday!”

    Me: “…right.”

    (That family still shows up once a month or so, and suffice to say, I always run out to see what order they’re sitting in before I serve their food.)

    Pick-Up Fails To Deliver

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order a small pizza.”

    Me: “Sure, anything else today?”

    Customer: “My number?”

    Me: “…anything else?”

    Customer: “My number?” *smiles*

    Me:Your number…?”

    Customer: “…sorry, I wanted to try that pick-up line out.”

    Me: “Oh…well…it didn’t work. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: *walks away with his head down*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Tall-Size Steps Towards Venti-Size Change

    | Virginia, USA |

    (A regular customer comes through the drive-thru. She’s a difficult person to deal with and we have a new barista on bar tonight.)

    Customer: “My usual, please.”

    (I take her money and keep an eye on our new barista while he makes her tricky drink. He makes it just right. When the barista hands it over to me, she pulls a face suddenly.)

    Customer: “Who’s THAT?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s ****, our newest barista! He took extra care with your drink tonight. I was watching.”

    (I had been watching him make it and knew it was perfect. She then took a sip and made a face.)

    Customer: “Too sweet! Honey, could YOU just make it for me? YOU always get it right.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I go to the bar and pretend to make things next to the new guy, who is really making her drink. Then I walk over and hand the new barista-made beverage out to her.)

    Customer: *sipping* “Mmm! PERFECT! I knew YOU wouldn’t let me down!”

    Me: “Actually, **** made that one, too. I just kept an extra eye on him to make sure it was absolutely perfect, and now he knows exactly how to do it for next time, too!”

    Customer: “….uh… well…it IS a little OFF, but I’ll let it slide this time.”

    Best Bytes In The Bunch

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (An elderly man approaches me to purchase a Mac laptop for his granddaughter.)

    Customer: “Hey, I have some questions about that laptop.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “That laptop is an Apple, right?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I’m buying it for my granddaughter, but she’s allergic to apples. Can I get the same one, but in another fruit?”

    Me: “…what? You do know that the laptops aren’t made of apples?”

    Customer: “Then why display only an apple? It should be a selection.”

    Me: “…I’ll get someone to help you.”

    The Logic Is Weak In This One, Part 2

    , | New Jersey, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a fairly high-end video card for a customer.)

    Me: “That’ll be $211.98 please…”

    Customer: “But the display showed it as $49.99.”

    Me: “Are you sure it was this card? This is a fairly new card.”

    Customer: “Yes, I picked it up, and it says the price is $49.99 below it.”

    Me: “Can you show me?”

    (We walk over to the video cards, and he shows me where he picked it up from. The shelf is marked $49.99, and it is the same manufacturer. However, it is a lower end card than the one he is holding.)

    Customer: “See, $49.99!”

    Me: “Sir, that price is not for that video card. You’re holding this one…”

    (I point to another shelf with the video card he picked up; it’s priced at $199.99.)

    Customer: “Well, it was on this shelf, so it was advertised at this price and you have to sell it to me for that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir, but sometimes customers pick things up and then don’t return them to their proper location.”

    Customer: “That’s not my fault! It was on this shelf, so you should sell it to me for $49.99.”

    Me: “Sir, how do I know it wasn’t you who put it on that shelf? Or for that matter, that it was on that shelf at all?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, do you want the $49.99 one instead?”

    Customer: *defeated* “Yeah…”

    Related:
    The Logic Is Weak In This One

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