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    Stealthy Healthy, Part 2

    | Andover, MN, USA |

    (Our fast food outlet just started selling oatmeal yesterday.)

    Me: “Welcome to our store, would you like to try out fruit oatmeal today?”

    Customer: “Wait, that actually sounds healthy. I’m confused.”

    Stealthy Healthy

    Best To Avoid The Void

    | Newcastle, Australia |

    (I can’t cancel sales. If customer doesn’t want an item, I must void it and it still appears on the next receipt with the deletion below. This conversation takes place after I voided a $30 CD player and another customer comes through.)

    Customer: “The previous lady’s CD player is still on my receipt. I don’t want to pay for it!”

    Me: “Sorry madam, but if you look just below the CD player It says ‘Void CD Player’ and there is a -$30 next to it meaning the money has already come off your total.”

    Customer: *agitated* “I’m not very good at maths, but that doesn’t sound right. I don’t believe you.”

    Me: “The total of your items was only $16.50. If you had to also pay for the CD player, it would have been $46.50. You only gave me $20.”

    Customer: “I’m don’t believe you. If I figure out how you tricked me I’ll be back!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2

    | Ocean County, NJ, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Who’s that chick who wrote Twilight?”

    Me: “That would be Stephanie Meyer.”

    Customer: “And what’s the fourth one?”

    Me:Breaking Dawn.”

    Customer: “And that’s still whoever Meyer?”

    Me: “She wrote the whole series, ma’am.”

    (The customer heads to the DVD rack. I see her looking roughly in the ‘B’ section.)

    Customer: *yelling* “I don’t see it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, Breaking Dawn is a book. The movie hasn’t been released yet.”

    Customer: “Those were books?”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Doesn’t Take A Genus

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (A father and his young daughter were at a popular theme park looking at the manatees.)

    Daughter: “What animals are these?”

    Father: “I don’t know honey, I think it’s a woolly mammoth.”

    Me: “Sir, those are manatees.”

    Father: *shrugs* “Well, I was close!”

    Caller I-D’oh

    | Waukesha, WI, USA |

    (I am calling customers to remind them to pick up their ready orders.)

    Girl: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh…”

    (A fumbling sound can be heard as more moaning and gasping.)

    Me: “Ah. Yes, this is [my name] calling from [Opticians] and I just wanted to speak with [client’s name] however, if this is a bad time–”

    Girl: “Mmm… Hold on.”

    (I hear the sound of the phone being handed over to another person.)

    Man: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh… Just kidding, mom. What’s up? I thought
    you were at the spa today.”

    Me: “Actually I’m not your mom. This is actually just [my name] calling from [Opticians] to let you know your order’s been ready for quite some time to pickup.”

    Man: “Oh, t-thanks.”

    Me: “Yep, that’s no problem. Have a good day.”

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