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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    On The Need For Male Role Models

    | California, USA |

    (While standing in line for the bathroom at a resort, I overhear two young boys talking.)

    Boy 1: “Why are the lines for the girl’s bathroom always longer? Is it because the boy’s bathroom has that special sink?”

    Boy 2: “You mean the urinal?”

    Boy 1: “Yeah. ‘Cause you can fit like five guys around it.”

    Boy 2: “Or, if they’re skinny, you can fit seven or eight.”

    Boy 1: “And if they’re FAT you can only fit two.”

    Liar Liar Pants On Fire

    | Vienna, Austria |

    Me: “Hello, *** Customer Support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I have a problem with my bill.”

    Me: “Let’s have a look at it, can you give me your customer number please?”

    Customer: “Sure, it’s…”

    (While he gives me the number, the fire alarm goes off.)

    Customer: “What is this noise?”

    Me: “It’s the fire alarm, Sir. I’m afraid I have to call you back later.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. Well, can we go through my bill now?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I can’t do this right now. The fire alarm is on and that means I have to leave the building.”

    Customer: “Yeah, sure. So, my bill–”

    Me: “Sir, I will gladly check your bill once the alarm is out and the building is safe, but now, I really need to hang up and go outside.”

    Customer: “But my bill…”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid my pants are on fire, so I’d appreciate it if you could agree that I’ll call you back later.”

    Customer: “Oh! Okay then, call me in an hour and I hope your pants are fine.”

    Me: “Thanks. Bye.”

    (My pants of course were not on fire, but I don’t think anything else would have shut him up.)

    Related:
    Liar Liar On The Telephone (Wire)

    The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss

    | Lafayette, LA, USA |

    (I am showing a guinea pig to a middle aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.)

    Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?”

    Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized
    to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.”

    Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”

    It’s Always The One You Least Suspect

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (My job at the theme park is to explain the rules at certain rides.)

    Mom: “Who told you couldn’t ride sweetie?”

    Kid: *points at me*

    Mom: “Why did you send my kid back down to me?!”

    Me: “Sorry, he’s too short for this ride, but you guys are more than
    welcome to play in the other areas.”

    Mom: *points at another kid* “But he is WAY shorter than my son!”

    Me: “No, sorry. I measure every child and he made the minimum height.”

    Mom: “That’s ridiculous. Can’t my son go just once? He’s waited all day to play over here.”

    Me: “No, sorry…”

    Mom: “You’re just a prude.”

    Me: “I probably get more than you do.”

    Mom: *jaw drops*

    Guilt Trip: FAIL

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, you guys sell fish food and supplies, but do you have any fish?”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, we don’t sell pets.”

    Customer: “Where do they sell pets?”

    Me: “A pet store?”

    Customer: “Is there one of those near here?”

    Me: “Uhm, I really don’t know.”

    Customer: “Will you take me to it?”

    Me: “… no?”

    Customer: “Sam Walton would take me to it!”

    Me: “Sam Walton is dead.”


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