What Came First, The Idiot Or The Egg

| Tasmania, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

(After scanning some eggs I open the box look inside and close it again.)

Customer: “Why are you looking it the egg carton?”

Me: “I’m checking to make sure there are no broken ones.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought it was to make sure people weren’t stealing stuff by hiding it in the eggs…”

Language Barrier Drives A Wedge Between Us

| Louisville, KY, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(Our snack bar sell typical snack bar type stuff, like popcorn and pretzels, as well as pizzas. Two clearly foreign women come to the counter and look at the menu for a few moments.)

Me: “What can I get you tonight?”

Customer #1: “You have pizza?”

Me: “Yes, I have a cheese pizza coming out of the oven in just a minute, and a pepperoni ready right now.”

Customer #1: “You have wedgie?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #2: “You have wedgie deluxe?”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

(I suddenly realize that they’re trying to say ‘Veggie’.)

Me: “No, we don’t. We only have cheese and pepperoni.”

Customer #1: “No wedgie toppings?”

Me: *trying very hard not to crack up laughing* “No, sorry, just cheese and pepperoni.”

(They thank me and walk away. A few moments later, they return and order the cheese pizza.)

Customer #1: “You should get wedgie. I love it.”

IQ Phone Home

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [phone support]. What appears to be the problem?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m calling because I have been unable to make phone calls from my home phone.”

Me: “Ma’am, what phone are you calling from right now?”

Caller: “My home phone, why?” *pause* “Wait, you’ve fixed it! Thank you!” *hangs up*

In-Tent Is Lacking

| MN, USA | Tourists/Travel

Me: “[Campgrounds], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have any places available?”

Me: “Yes, we have sites open. What kind are you looking for?”

Customer: “I want to go camping.”

Me: “Do you want water and electricity or just a plain site?”

Customer: “Just a site.”

Me: “Ok, so we’ll see you this weekend. I just need your name and I’ll reserve it.”

Customer: “Do you have the houses with zippers?”

Me: “You mean a tent?”

Customer: “Yeah, the house with a zipper. Do you have them?”

Me: “No, you bring your own.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you know where I can get one?”

(I list a few generic stores.)

Customer: “Okay, thank you. Do you have water?”

Me: “No, your site doesn’t have a water hook-up. You can fill up at any site not being used.”

Customer: “What can I fill up?”

Me: “A water bottle, a pail or anything.”

Customer: “Do you have coolers for us?”

Me: “No, you have to bring your own.”

Customer: “Where can I get one?”

No ID, No Idea, Part 3

| Akron, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(A customer is trying to pay with an unsigned card.)

Me: “Ma’am, since your credit card is not signed I will need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have it. I left it with someone at [department store] because they’re signing me up for one of their credit cards. Can’t you just put it through?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, no. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “Oh for God’s sake! This is ridiculous! I’ll be right back!” *storms off*

(Because she has already put a gift card toward the purchase, I have to wait several minutes for my busy manager to come cancel the transaction before I can ring any other customers. The customer’s signature is still on the pad when she returns.)

Customer: “Fine! Here’s my ID! And you left my signature up on the screen for anyone to see!”

Me: “I assure you, no one else approached the register while you were gone.”

Customer: “Someone could have stolen my identity!”

Me: “But you left your ID and social security number with a stranger in another store?”

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 2
No ID, No Idea

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