Directions, Compliance Not Included

| Jackson, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

(I work at a hotel. We often get calls asking for directions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [name], how can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I’m in downtown, just leaving [restaurant]. How do I get there? I need to check in.”

(I start giving him directions. After a while, he should be on a certain road and very close by.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you should be right down the road. If you just keep going straight–”

Man: “You’re not here. There’s nothing here.”

Me: “Okay, what businesses do you see?”

Man: “None, it’s all houses.”

Me: “There shouldn’t be any houses. Did you turn left at the last corner?”

Man: “No, I didn’t do any of your turns.”

Me: “Um, you didn’t turn where I said to? What did you do?”

Man: “You didn’t sound like you knew what you’re talking about, so when you told me to turn one way, I turned another. Now I’m around a bunch of houses!”

Me: “Can you tell me what road you’re on? Or if there are any businesses at all?”

Man: “There are no street signs or businesses!”

Me: “Sir, we have street signs on all roads. If you just go to a corner and tell me–”

Man: “There are no street signs at all. Now just get me back!”

Me: “Sir, I have no idea where you are and if you can’t give me an idea, I can’t get you back here.”

Man: “There are no street signs. How do I get back?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I have no idea.”

(That was a few hours before my shift ended. I never saw him and still sometimes wonder if he made it in since I didn’t know his name to check.)

Fruit Is But One Food Group

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I work in a standard gas station: there are few healthy things and lots of unhealthy things. As it is summer, we sell a lot of ice cream products. A family of three approaches me register and the father places ice cream bars on the counter.)

Father: “Just these please.”

Me: “All right, was there anything else you needed?”

Mother: “No, thanks.”

Boy: “Mommy! Can I have this?”

(The boy, about four, proceeds to show her a container of sliced fruit that we have.)

Mother: “Nuh-uh, put that back. You’re not getting that.”

Boy: “But Mommy! It’s delicious! I’ll eat it!”

Mother: “Put that back now! You have to eat your ice cream bar first!”

(The boy continues to beg for the cup of fruit until he’s forced to leave the store with his ice cream bar.)

Stupidity As Clear As Sierra Mist

| Columbia, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working at the student dining hall on a busy Thanksgiving dinner as a supervisor. A student walks up with a glass of ice in hand.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but your Sierra Mist is out.”

Me: “Oh, no problem, ma’am. Let me go downstairs and I’ll take a look.”

(I walk downstairs and check the soda dispenser. The Sierra Mist is half-empty, but still functional. I tell her it should be fine. She comes back ten minutes later.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I asked you to fix the Sierra Mist and it is still not fixed.”

Me: “Ma’am, I just checked it and it’s full.”

Customer: “You’re lying. It isn’t working at all.”

(I walk over to the dispenser and place a cup underneath the Sierra Mist and out pours clear, bubbly Sierra Mist.)

Me: “See, ma’am? It’s just fine.”

Customer: “No! It’s clear! See? It’s clear! The bottle is green. Sierra Mist is green!”

So Good It’s Not Even There, Part 2

| Essex, UK | Technology

Customer: “I need a printer cable.”

Me: “Just a regular power cable?”

Customer: “No, not one of those. One to go from my printer to my laptop.”

Me: “Oh, you mean a USB cable?”

Customer: “Yeah, a USB cable, that’s it. That is wireless, yeah?”

Related:
So Good It’s Not Even There

The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 4

| Nashville, TN, USA | Uncategorized

(Back in 1990, my mom worked at a coffee chain. She had never given incorrect change for the year she worked there. On her last day of work, a customer orders a $0.90 drink, and the total comes out to $0.99. He hands her a $1, leaves, and comes back 5 minutes later.)

Customer: “You b****, you gave me the wrong change!”

Cashier: “Well–”

Customer: *yelling* “I want to see the manager!”

Manager: *walks in* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This dumba** woman gave me the wrong change! I gave her a $20 and she only gave me 1 cent back!”

Manager: *looking at cashier* “Give him $19 to make up the difference!”

Cashier: “But, he paid with a sing–”

Manager: “I said, give him back his money. God, women are so bad at math.”

(The cashier hands over the money. At the end of the day, she was fired for being exactly $19 short.)

Related:
The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 3
The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2
The Joy Of Sex(ism)

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