Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
    (2,623 thumbs up)
  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Best Pet Advice, Ever

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what do you need?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a puppy. I need one that doesn’t grow.”

    Me: “Uh… all puppies grow.”

    Customer: “But, I need one that doesn’t.”

    Me: “Maybe a toy chihuahua? They only get to be about 7 lbs.”

    Customer: “How big are they now?”

    Me: “They’re about 4 lbs right now.”

    Customer: “BUT THAT MEANS THEY GROW!”

    Me: “Ma’am, all puppies grow.”

    Customer: “BUT I WANT ONE THAT DOESN’T.”

    Me: “Then maybe you should try Build-A-Bear.”

    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

    | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA |

    Customer: “How much is Bud Light?”

    Bartender: “$3.75″

    Customer: “Well, how much is Miller Light?”

    Bartender: “$3.75.”

    Customer: “D***! What’s the cheapest thing you got in here?!”

    Bartender: “YOU!”

    Speak For Yourselves, Part 2

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Elderly Lady #1: “Now, what are the prices like for this show?”

    Coworker: “Well, they’re-”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Don’t tell us it’s expensive! I don’t want to spend too much money!”

    Coworker: *holds out price sheet* “Here are the–”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Oh, would you look at that. Look at those prices. Now where are these seats?”

    Coworker: “Those are right-”

    Elderly Lady #2: “No, we don’t want to sit there. It’s too far in the back.”

    Coworker: “Actually, ma’am, they’re–”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Those seats are okay… they’re in the middle.”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Do they have anything closer on an aisle?”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately– ”

    Elderly Lady #1: “What do you need to be closer for? Those seats are fine. George and Harry will like them.”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Yes, but I’d rather be able to sit as far from Martha as possible.”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Ah, yes… we don’t like Martha. She talks so much you can never get a word in!”

    Related:
    Speak For Yourself

    It’s Pr0ning LOLcats And Blogs

    , | Ohio, USA |

    (I was teaching a 60 year-old or so guy how to use the internet.)

    Customer: “So… I can search for… ANYTHING?”

    Me: “Anything.”

    Customer: “And this will just find it for me?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    (We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.)

    Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?”

    Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.”

    Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?”

    Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.”

    (The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.)

    Customer: “You just saved my marriage.”

    (Enjoy your porn, Gary.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    It’s Just Like Disneyland, But With Funny Accents

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    (At a fairly new nice french restaurant. Chef comes to dining area to interact with the customers; he has an obvious French accent.)

    Chef: “Hi ladies, how was everything?”

    Customer: “The food was delicious. Where did you learn to cook?”

    Chef: “Well, I was born in France and went to school there.”

    Customer: “Really? Do you speak French? I mean, I know everyone in Europe speaks English, but do you know French?”

    Chef: *walks away disgusted*


    Page 1,741/1,973First...1,7391,7401,7411,7421,743...Last