• Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Deal With The Burning Issue First, Part 2

    | Glasgow, UK | Uncategorized

    (I work at directory inquiries.)

    Me: “Which name, please?”

    Caller: “I’d like the number for the local fire station.”

    Me: “Searching for you now.”

    Caller: “Can you hurry up? My kitchen’s on fire.”

    Me: “Sir, hang up right now and then dial emergency services!”

    Caller: “Hold on.” *he’s away for over a minute* “Right, I’ve got a pen and paper now. What was the number?”

    Deal With The Burning Issue First

    Don’t Be A Data Hater, Part 2

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, it’s James from [internet company]. Do you have a few moments to discuss a few of our products?”

    Customer: “I’ll never go with [internet company].”

    Me: ” I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why?”

    Customer: “Someone I hate works for you.”

    Me: ” Well, depending on who they are, they may have nothing to do with your service.”

    Customer: “I don’t care how they’re involved. I hate them!”

    Don’t Be A Data Hater

    Killing Two With One Stone

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am making calls to confirm reservations.)

    Me: “Hello, may I please speak to [name]?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, he’s not available.”

    Me: “Oh, well this is [name] calling from [restaurant]. I am calling to confirm his reservation for 6 pm tomorrow night for two people. Do you know if he will still be needing the reservation?”

    Customer: “I don’t think so, sorry.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Will you let him know he can call to reschedule for another time? We still have a few openings for the next night.”

    Customer: “That won’t be necessary. He died last night and we’re burying him tomorrow. Thank you for checking, though.”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. We’re so sorry for your loss, and we’ll go ahead and take care of that cancellation for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! Wait, do you guys cater funerals?”


    | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Well, you can start by telling me why every page of your catalog has the same thing on it.”

    Me: “Well, that’s actually a stack of one-page information fliers for the [product].”

    Customer: “Oh. Thank you.”

    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Her

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (A young girl comes up to the counter to purchase cigarettes.)

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    (The customer sticks out her arm, revealing a very poorly done tattoo.)

    Customer: “See, I am 18. I have a tattoo. You have to be 18 to get one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not an acceptable form of ID. I can’t sell you these unless you have a state approved ID.”

    Customer: “So I got this crappy tattoo for nothing? My friend said I could use it to get cigarettes!”

    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him
    She Has Trouble Written All Over Her

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