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    Braving The Wild Arctic Terrain, One Token At A Time

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (A customer asked me to help with the Skee-Ball machine.)

    Me: “Is the machine broken or malfunctioning?”

    Customer: “Do you know where the skis are?”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer:Ski ball. Where are the skis for me to play with?”

    Me: “Skis?”

    Customer: “As in cross-country skis?”

    Me: “this isn’t that kind of Skee-Ball. You pick up the ball and roll it up there.”

    Customer: “Then why is there a slope with a ramp on it at the end?”

    Me: “For you to roll the ball up?”

    Customer: “IT’S A SKI SLOPE! Although it’s kind of…backwards.” *examines the machine*

    Lazy Beyond Relief

    | Virginia, USA |

    Caller: *on the phone* “My house is going to be foreclosed on next week! Please help! I can not lose this house; please help me save it!”

    Me: “Okay. We’ll email a bankruptcy questionnaire to you right away. Please fill out as much as you can and get it back to us ASAP.”

    (I email her the packet, which asks basic questions like how much you owe your creditors, what are your assets, how much do you make, etc. The caller phones back 15 minutes later.)

    Caller: “That’s just too much information! Never mind, I’ll just give up the house.”

    Shooting Yourself In The Foot After Getting It In The Door

    | Talent, OR, USA |

    (A woman with a resume approaches our hostess at 6 pm on a very busy Friday night.)

    Woman: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

    Hostess: “They’re all busy right now, but I can take your resume and pass it along.”

    Woman: “No. I want to speak with a manager now.”

    Hostess: “Well, like I said, they’re all unavailable right now, but I can pass along–”

    Woman: “No. I want a manager now. I want them to put a face to the name on the resume. I want to be professional!”

    Hostess: “I’m sorry, but you’ve walked in at the beginning of the dinner rush. Perhaps you should try coming back during the slow times, usually 3-5 pm?”

    Woman: “No. I am here now, and I will speak with a manager now! You
    are being unprofessional!”

    Hostess: “I’m sorry ma’am, I really can’t ask them to conduct an interview when they are backed up with orders.”

    Woman: “Fine! This is a waste of my time!”

    (The woman rips her resume in two, drops it on the floor, and storms out the front door. Suffice to say, she wasn’t professional enough for the job.)

    The Clothes Make The Manager

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Top

    (My brother is the manager of a grocery store. Important: they’ve recently switched uniforms from red to blue.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some help?”

    Brother: “Yes, is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for [competitors brand]. Why don’t you have it?”

    Brother: “It’s because only our competitor can sell that.”

    Customer: “That is bull****! I’ve been shopping here for 10 years and you’ve always had that!”

    Brother: “Ma’am, we’ve only been at this location for four years and we don’t sell our competitor’s brand.”

    Customer: “You are compleatly hopeless! I demand to speak to the manager!”

    Brother: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Did you not hear me?! I want to talk to the M-A-N-A-G-E-R!”

    Brother: “Fine, just a sec. I’ll go fetch him.”

    (My brother walks in to the staff area, picks up an old red shirt from a box, puts it on, and walks out.)

    Brother: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *calmly* “Finally. I want to know why you don’t have [competitors brand]?”

    Brother: “Because only our competitor can sell it.”

    Customer: “Oh? I guess I’ll have to go to their store, then. Thanks!”

    General Housekeeping

    | Edmond, OK, USA |

    (A hotel guest walks in with his significant other and approaches the front desk.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Hotel guest: “You wouldn’t happen to have like, tarps and scalpels?”

    Me: “…No…sorry.”

    Hotel guest: “Worth a shot!” *returns to hotel room*

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