Get The Correct Word, Step By Step

| Omaha, NE, USA | Funny Names, Spouses & Partners

(I’m stocking the shelves in the electronics/gadgets section when a husband and wife come over. The husband is shouting behind the wife.)

Husband, to me: “Pedometer! She wants a PEDOMETER!”

Wife, to husband: “Shut up! I know what I want!”

Husband: “Tell her it’s a Pedometer!”

Wife, to me: “Hi, do you have any pedofi–”

Me: “Pedometers!”

Customers Are Going Gaga

, | San Juan, Puerto Rico | At The Checkout, Money, Musical Mayhem, Top

(I’m working the cash register. A male customer of about 40 comes by and places their order. He proceeds to give me his credit card.)

Me: “May I see some ID, please?”

(He stares at me for a moment then breaks out into song as he hands me the ID.)

Customer: “Can’t read my, can’t read my, no you can’t read my pooooookeer faaaaaaace!”

This Deal Is A Steal

| Iceland | Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

(I’m assisting a tourist that is looking for a t-shirt to take home with pictures of Iceland on them.)

Me: “Well, we don’t sell those t-shirts but there are quite a few of them down town and I know of one that has a 3 for 2 special offer on t-shirts.”

Customer: “Could you also explain to me what a 3 for 2 offer is?”

Me: “Sure, it means that you get 3 t-shirts for the price of 2.”

Customer: “I don’t understand, so we steal the 3rd one? Isn’t shoplifting illegal here like in the states?”

Me: “Yes, shoplifting is illegal here, but you wouldn’t be stealing the 3rd shirt. It just means that you choose 3 t-shirts and pay for 2 and then get the 3rd as a free gift sort of.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “You choose 3 t-shirts, and as the sales person scans them in to the register you get a 100% discount on the 3rd t-shirt. Therefore, you’ll get it for free with the other 2.”

Customer: “I’ll go down there, but if they arrest me for shoplifting, I’m telling the police that you told me to!”

I Have A Sinking Feeling

| Oak Harbor, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

(Note: We have posters of real and fictional places on the walls.)

Customer: “Can I book a trip there?” *points at a poster of Atlantis*

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a real place.”

Customer: *angry* “Then why is it on your wall!? That confuses people!”

Me: “We figured most people knew that there are no cities under water.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t assume everybody is that smart!”

Throw Your Claims Up At Me

| UK | Funny Names, Language & Words

(I am asking a customer if there were any independent witnesses to an accident. To make it clear, an independent witness is one not known previously to either party.)

Me: “Were there any independent witnesses?”

Customer: “Well, there was a 92 year old woman.”

Me: “Excellent. Is she known to either party?”

Customer: “Oh yes. I was taking her for her weekly shop at the time.”

Me: “Right. Well, I don’t think we can class her as an independent witness but we can still take a statement if necessary.”

Customer: “Oh, but she is independent! She lives by herself and does all her housework by herself! We only help out with taking her shopping because she can’t drive!”

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