Either Way, He’s Talking About Nuts

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: *with a thick accent* “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Which aisle is the penis butter in?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The penis butter.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: “Penis butter! You know, penis butter! Penis butter, penis butter!”

Me: “Oh, peanut butter!”

Customer: “Yes, pea-nut butter.”

Me: “Sorry about that. It’s in aisle 5.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you, sir!”

Stereotypes Are All The Same Anyway

| El Paso, TX, USA | Top

(I’m a customer and am looking at dining tables. I’m an obvious Muslim as I wear a hijab. Another customer sees me with my son in a stroller and walks over.)

Another customer: “I thought you people couldn’t use electronics?”

Me: “That’s the Amish. And a stroller isn’t electronic.”

Another customer: “Oh…” *walks off*

The Lion, The Witch, And The Toilet

| Arizona, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where is the bathroom!?”

Me: “Are you referring to the lobby bathroom? That’s just down the hall from your room on the right side, towards the lobby.”

Customer: “No! I mean the bathroom in my room! It doesn’t have one!”

Me: “I can assure you it does, sir. Have you tried opening the door that you didn’t enter your room through?”

Customer: “Oh sh**! I thought that lead to another room.” *click*

Related:
The Lion, The Witch, And The Supply Cabinet

Must Be Gherkin You Around

| Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. How many megapickles does this camera have?”

Me: “You mean megapixels? This one has 12.1.”

Customer: “No, I mean megapickles. How many does this one have?”

Me: “Uh… none?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then! What good is it?”

Not The Kind Of Course You Had In Mind

| Boston, MA, USA | Top

(I am giving a tour in a residence hall.)

Parent of student: “Are boys and girls allowed in the same room?”

Me: “No, the genders here are separated by floor or sides of the building.”

Parent of student: “No, I mean can they sleep in the same room? In the same bed?”

Me: “We are not a religious university. We don’t have any rules against it.”

Parent of student: “Will I be notified if my daughter is having intercourse?”

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