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    Smoke Your Veggies

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (I’m a waitress taking the order of a little girl and her mother.)

    Young Daughter: “I’ll get the mac’n’cheese. Extra cheesy!”

    Mother: “No, you certainly will not. It’s your third day eating mac n’ cheese, missy! You’re going to get chicken and broccoli.”

    Young Daughter: “But mommy! Eddie said that broccoli is bad for you!”

    Mother: “Your brother most certainly did not!”

    Young Daughter: “Yeah! The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it’s very bad for little girls like me. His eyes were all red and everything!”

    Mother: “When was this?!”

    Young Daughter: “Yesterday! But his friend brought over more broccoli today. They’re weird.”

    Me: *feeling very awkward* “Ma’am, I can get the check for you if you’d like to leave?”

    Mother: “That’d be great. And could you box up an order of mac’n’cheese please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they’ll have the munchies and I want to torture them.”

    The Elderly Fight Change

    | New Zealand |

    (I’m working the counter of a busy service station. An elderly customer comes in to pay.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Just Pump 6 and the LPG today?”

    Customer: *producing his bankcard* “Yes, that’s all, thanks.”

    Me: “Great, your total is $46.71.” *rings up sale and waits for him to enter pin*

    Customer: “Can I have my change?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “My change.”

    Me: “Ok sir, I’m really sorry, but I’m not quite sure what change you mean.”

    Customer: “What’s my total again?”

    Me: “$46.71.”

    Customer: “Great, can I have my change?”

    Me: “Sir, you’re paying by card. You won’t get change as you will be paying the exact amount electronically.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see.”

    (He is pressing buttons on the keypad, but has not selected an account.)

    Me: “Sir, you need to select an account.”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve done that.”

    Me: “You want ‘Cheque’” or ‘Savings’?”

    (He finally selects ‘Cheque’ and enters in a pin. After a few seconds, it comes up declined as he has entered an incorrect pin.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, you’ve entered an invalid pin number. I need you to try again.”

    (I ring up the sale again, and make sure he selects ‘Cheque’ again. He seems very confused.)

    Customer: “What was my total again? I want to get this right.”

    Me: “Forty six dollars and seventy one cents, sir.”

    Customer: “Ok!” *punches in numbers and announces them out loud* “4-6-7-1!”

    Me: “Hang on, sir. You’re entering your total instead of your pin number.”

    Customer: “Well, yes.”

    Me: “The total is already in our computer. You need to enter the pin number for your card so the sale goes through.”

    Customer: “Oh. What’s my pin number, then?”

    Me: “Would you prefer to pay cash, sir?”

    This Won’t Pan Out Well

    | Oakhurst, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. Yes I was wondering if you guys deliver.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t.”

    Customer: “It’s only ten miles.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t deliver at all.”

    Customer: “Well, does any place deliver at all?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, sir.”

    Customer: “F***. Well, I guess I’ll just get a DUI then. Thanks, bye.”

    Full Time Care(less)

    | Omaha, NE, USA |

    (The following is what I overhear after I let a customer use the store phone.)

    Customer: “Come on, pick up the phone! You in a d*** wheelchair, I know you’re there! I left you upstairs for a reason!”

    Parking Up The Wrong Tree

    | OH, USA |

    (A customer walks in to the Service Desk.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “Is there something that I can help you with?”

    Customer: “That car in your parking lot has been sitting there for over a week and has not been moved! Shouldn’t you guys do something about that? I live across the street and I am absolutely sick of looking at it!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, it is broken down and we have informed the Sheriff’s department about it. It will be towed if they cannot contact the owner.”

    Customer: “Well, that is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Cars that have nothing to do with the store should not be parked here! I am so angry! Where are my dinner guests going to park now?!”

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