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    More Like The Gas Beneath My Pants

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, ¬†*** Music. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you had the sheet music for ‘Hero’.”

    Me: “Mariah Carey?”

    Customer: “No! Bette Midler!”

    Me: “Oh! ‘Wind Beneath My Wings!’ Sure, ¬†we’ve got it!”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “The song is called ‘Wind Beneath My Wings.’ It’s one of the most popular vocal arrangements on the market.”

    Customer: “No, it’s that one about her hero.”

    Me:¬†”Yeah…” *sings* “… did you ever know that you’re my hero?¬†You’re everything I wish I could be…¬†I can fly higher than an eagle… and you are the WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s the one!” *sings* “‘Did you ever know that you’re my HERO!’¬†Can you hold a copy for me?”

    Me, giving up: “Of course…”

    (Later on…)

    Coworker 1: “So, who was on the phone?”

    Coworker 2: “… and why are they the wind beneath your wings?”

    One Last Parting Shot, Part 3

    | Estonia |

    (An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.”

    Me: “No, I mean–”

    (He cuts me off and starts ranting on how he never wanted to come to Europe anyway and how everything is better in the States. His wife and I manage to calm him down after a few minutes of loud ranting.)

    Me:“Sir, I can’t take your money because just using the computer is free. Only printing costs 2 Crowns.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought… I mean, I always have to pay in… well… America is still better than Europe!” *hurries out with his wife*

    Related:
    One Last Parting Shot, Part 2
    One Last Parting Shot

    Not Quite The Car’s Meow

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA |

    (I work for an online traffic school and for some of the counties, we need them to put answers to security questions.

    Me: “Hi, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hey, it says that I missed a security question and that I need to call this number to continue.”

    Me: “Okay, what question did you miss?”

    Caller: “I missed what is my favorite animal.”

    (I get his personal information and look up his answer.)

    Me: “Sir, the answer we have here says ‘Pussy’. You are aware that this is also the same answer you have for… your favorite food?”

    Caller: *click*

    The Logic Is Weak In This One

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (A man comes out of the fitting room with a pair of pants and talks to my coworker.)

    Customer: “So… it says here on the hanger, that it’s size 34. The tag says 34, and this other tag says 34. But there’s no freaking way I can fit into these! So what does that mean?

    Coworker: “Well, I guess that means you’re not a size 34…”

    Customer: “Oh. Thanks.”

    When Customers Attack

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (A lady comes up to me with a cart.)

    Lady: “Where’s the toilet paper that’s on sale?”

    Me: “It should be in aisle 18.”

    (We’re looking for the toilet paper when another man comes up and stands quietly nearby, clearly waiting for me to help him. The lady turns to the man and RAMS him with her cart.)

    Lady: “Stay back f***er! She’s helping me first!”

    Man: “Excuse me? I was just waiting to ask where the cereal is–”

    Lady: *rams cart into him again* “F*** OFF!”

    (Surprisingly, the man did not retaliate and I waved him off to the appropriate aisle.)

    From the Not Always Right store:

    When Customers Attack Tee
    Customers Attack (red)
    When Customers Attack
    Customers Attack (black)

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