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    The Land Of Surf, Sun And Time Dilation

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to place an order.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to do that for you, however our ordering system is down. If you’d like to call back in 15 minutes, someone can help you with that.”

    Customer: “OK, so is it 15 minutes Hawaii time, or your time?”

    Me: “No…just 15 minutes…I’m pretty sure that’s the same no matter where you are, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh! OK, thanks.”

    From Zero to Stupid In 10 Seconds

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hi, I just brought this machine. I hooked it up as per the manual and it won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Did you plug it in?”

    Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot.”

    Me: “Did you turn off the surge-master?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Double-checked all the wires?”

    Customer: “For God’s sake, YES! It was fairly simple; it’s all color-coded. You’d have to be a moron to make a mistake.”

    Me: “OK…why don’t you tell me what you did?”

    Customer: “I unpacked it, plugged all the wires in, and then plugged it into my outlet.”

    Me: “Then?”

    Customer: “Then I put the accelerator on the floor and stepped on it.”

    Me: “…ma’am, there is no accelerator on your computer…”

    Customer: “Yes there is! It’s that thing that has two buttons on either side, and that little wheel on the bottom!”

    (In case it wasn’t obvious, she had stepped on the mouse.)

    License To Breed

    | Wales, UK |

    (A blond teen of about 16 or 17 was trying to buy alcohol. She was pushing a stroller with a baby in it.)

    Customer: “I just want to buy it, OK?”

    Me: “May I please see some ID?”

    Customer: “I have a baby here!” *points at child*

    Me: “Um…that child is not your ID.”

    Customer: “But I can clearly buy alcohol if I have a baby!”

    Me: “Of course…”

    Customer: “So you’re going to let me buy it?”

    Me: “I said I’m going to need to see some ID.”

    Customer: “God, keep your god**** beer!” *rushes out of store with stroller*

    You Can Never Be Too Careful

    | Florida, USA | Top

    Young girl, maybe six: “Hi, I need a table for 4 please.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”

    Girl: *screaming* “STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!”

    (The mom, dad and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

    Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

    Young girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

    Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

    Young girl: “Oh…”

    University Of Homer Simpson

    | Miami, FL, USA |

    (I’m 19 and a customer in his mid-twenties comes up to me with a 6-pack of beer and some beef jerky.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, since I’m underage I can’t sell you this beer. Would you mind waiting for my coworker?”

    Customer: “Oh, sure no problem. Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “You’re of Indian descent, right?”

    Me: “That’s right, sir.”

    Customer: “But you were born here in America, right?”

    Me: “Uh, no actually. I was born in India, but I moved here pretty young.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you don’t have an accent! I’ve seen all the movies! Any Indian character who works at a gas station always has an accent!”


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