The Literal, The Literary, And The Aviary

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(A teenage customer walks in. She looks around for a while, but it seems she can’t find what she’s looking for.)

Me: “Do you need any help, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the book that teaches you how to kill birds.”

Me: “We have a few hunting books in non-fiction if that’s what your looking for.”

Customer: “No. This book is fiction. It’s called How To Kill A Bird or something.”

Me: “Are you talking about To Kill a Mockingbird?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s it! Could you tell me where that is?”

Color Me Stupid

| St Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Note: I am fairly new at the liquor store, so I’m still learning about all the wines, beers, and liqueurs.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Nuvo Pink?”

Me: “Umm, I’m not sure. What is that?”

Customer: “It’s a liqueur.”

Me: “Okay, well, it would be over here.”

(I take the customer over to the the shelves and start looking for it.)

Me: “If we don’t have it, perhaps we have something similar. What flavor is it?”

Customer: “Pink.”

Me: “No, what flavor?”

Customer: “The flavor is pink!”

Seeing Oneself In Others

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Uncategorized

(A regular comes in and hangs out for a while. Clearly, he doesn’t really want to go back to work.)

Customer: “It’s boring there. I don’t want to go back.”

(He sees a mannequin dressed in camo.)

Customer: “Can I take him with me? He’d blend right in.” *chuckles*

Me: “Um…he’s a tad heavy and falls apart a lot.”

Customer: “Perfect. He’s just like me!”

Sorry, We’re Fresh Out Of DeLoreans

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to book a car for the 21st.”

Me: “Okay, so August 21st?”

Customer: “No, July 21st. We are in July.”

Me: “Sir, it’s July 24th today.”

Customer: “Oh…” *pauses* “…I’ll call you back.”

When In Rome (Or Canada)…

| British Columbia, Canada | Canada, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a tourist shop where we get Americans on a regular basis.)

Me: “Would you like to pay by credit card?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you know where I can find a Bank of America?”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but there isn’t any around here.”

Customer: “So you guys don’t have Bank of America.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, this is Canada.”

Related:
When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…
When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)…

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