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    One Man’s Art Is Another Man’s Political Agenda

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello, this is **** Video.”

    Customer: “Yes. I would like a refund. This movie is in a different language!”

    Me: “What movie is it?”

    Customer:Pan’s Labyrinth.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. That’s a foreign film. If you’d like, you can comen exchange it for an English-language film.”

    Customer: “Why do they do that?”

    Me: “Do what, sir?”

    Customer: “Make movies in other languages.”

    Me: “It wasn’t made in America, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not giving them immigrants any of my money!”

    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 6

    , | Tacoma, WA, USA |

    (I’m a customer waiting for my pizza and overhear this conversation.)

    Cashier, to another customer: “Hey, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “Just a bottle of water, please.”

    Cashier: “Sure, that’ll come to $1.09.”

    (The customer hands him two dollars, and then pauses.)

    Customer: “Actually, could I get you to exchange these five ones for a five?”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait… can I exchange the two fives for a ten?”

    (This continues for a few minutes until the cashier smiles and says that he has to get back to work helping me, since my pizza is ready. The guy leaves.)

    Me: “People like that always make me nervous. I’ve had bad run-ins with short changers.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, I was wise to his game, though.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah?”

    Cashier: “Yeah. He shorted himself two dollars.”

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

    Willy Wonka Goes Bonkas

    | Newcastle, UK |

    (Our shop has a chocolate fountain which we fill up daily, to attract customers who can buy marshmallows to dip into it.)

    Customer: “So, where does the chocolate come from?”

    Me: “… sorry?”

    Customer: “The chocolate for the fountain thing. Where does it come from?”

    Me: “Well, we melt some chocolate, then fill–”

    Customer: “No, where does it COME from? Like the water pipes or something?”

    Me: “No we melt our own–”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you got a chocolate pipe plugged into that thing! How do you get one!? Where is your manager?”

    (After failing to convince them, the customer leaves angrily. It’s now a running joke in our shop to call the “National Chocolate System” whenever there is a problem.)

    The Devil Is Definitely In The Details

    | Decatur, AL, USA |

    Customer: “Where do y’all keep your pedophiles?”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “You know, PED-IH-FILES!”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Yeah, the pedophiles! They show it on TV… it’s where people trim their dog’s feet!”

    Me: “Oh, Pedi-PAWS. Right this way…”

    Dire Education

    , | Kansas City, MO, USA |

    (A student calls in to the tech support line for our college’s online student records system.)

    Student: “Yeah, I forgot my password, and the system is not accepting the information to set a new one.”

    Me: “Ok, let me see if I can try it. Can I have your name, DOB, and SSN?”

    Student: *gives me the info*

    Me: “Hmm, it doesn’t appear to work for me either.”

    (I look in our database for anything remotely close with his info, but nothing turns up.)

    Me: “Sir, it looks as though you are not in our system. Did you even apply to our college?”

    Student: “Yes! What kind of stupid question is that? I applied to [another university] over six months ago.”

    Me: “Sir, what city and state do you take classes at?”

    Student: “Omaha, Nebraska.”

    Me: “Yeah, our college is located in Missouri. I think you have the wrong college.”

    Student: “No, I think YOU have the wrong student!”

    Me: “You called us, remember?”

    Student: *click*


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