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    Don’t Vex The Unisex

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “This is Alex. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your name is Alex?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, that threw me off. I was expecting a man, but I guess your parents were too.”

    Sweater Mystery Unravels

    | USA | Top

    (I am working at the customer service desk. A conservatively dressed woman in her early sixties walks up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi. What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “Just a return.”

    (She pulls out a very garish holiday sweater, covered entirely in bright red sequins.)

    Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No. I just must have been really f****** high when I bought it. Look at it! It’s hideous! I don’t even remember buying this thing. I must have been really baked. D***, this is an ugly sweater!”

    Must Have Settled On Salt & Whinegar

    | Oakland, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am working the register. A customer is looking at our retail chips stacked in front of me.)

    Customer: “I don’t like this flavor.”

    (She picks up a bag of sea salt chips.)

    Customer: “I don’t like this kind either. It’s too salty.”

    (She grabs a bag of jalapeno chips.)

    Customer: “These ones are too spicy.”

    (This goes on for a minute or so. She eventually finds something she likes and places it at the register.)

    Me: “Hi there. How are you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t complain.”

    Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 7

    | West Bath, ME, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer is calling to complain. Whenever he connects to the internet, he receives a ‘no dial tone’ message.)

    Me: “Is your phone cord plugged into the modem?”

    Caller: “Wait a second. Yeah, it’s plugged in.”

    Me: “Is your phone cord plugged into the wall?”

    Caller: “Wait a second. Yeah, it’s plugged in to the wall.”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure what it is. You should be able to connect to the internet.”

    Caller: “Do they both have to be plugged in at the same time?”

    Related:
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

    Forget The Coupon, Just Wing It

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve got coupon for 12 wings free. But, it says it excludes boneless wings. So, I was wondering if I could place an order and get the boneless wings free.”

    Me: “Sir, if it says it excludes the boneless wings, then I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Oh. So, even if I cross it off, it won’t work?”

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