Don’t Take Declined For An Answer

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(I work at a large retail store. The store has its own credit card that customers can apply for.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I applied for a credit card yesterday, but I don’t have it yet. Can I still use it?”

Me: “Sure, as long as you have the temporary credit slip that you were given when you applied. Do you have that?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh. Did you leave it at home?”

Customer: “No. I don’t have one.”

Me: “Didn’t you get one when you applied?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, were you approved for the credit card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “So, I can’t use it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t use a credit card that you weren’t approved for.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s stupid!”

Painfully Obvious Stupidity

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Food & Drink

(In Canada, all products have the information written in both English and French. A customer is holding a loaf of whole wheat bread.)

Customer: “Excuse me! This doesn’t make any sense. This says 100% whole wheat. Is it white bread or brown?”

Me: “It’s brown.”

Customer: “But, that’s not what it says here. It says ‘plain’, which means it’s white, doesn’t it?”

Me: “That says ‘pain’. It’s French for ‘bread’.”

Customer: “But it already says ‘bread’.

Me: “Yes, but ‘bread’ is English and ‘pain’ is French.”

Customer: “So, is it white or brown?”

Me: “It’s brown.”

Customer: “Then why does it say ‘plain’!?”

She’s Nuts About Her Husband

| North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: “Do these cookies contain nuts?”

Me: “Which cookie are you thinking about?”

Customer: “The toffee nut cookies.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

Customer: “I’ll take one.”

(After a few minutes, the customer returns.)

Customer: “What kind of nuts do those cookies contain?”

Me: “Ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

Customer: “Oh, my husband is deathly allergic to those.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can call 911 or direct you to the nearest hospital.”

Customer: “Oh, I know where it is, but first, I want to get a sandwich to go…”

Related:
Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

A Job Well Blown

| Bowling Green, KY, USA | Rude & Risque

(Our store has just installed new, more powerful hand dryers in the restrooms. I am using one when a customer comes up behind me.)

Customer: “These things give pretty powerful blow jobs, huh?”

Me: “Yeah, never heard that before.”

Customer: “I need a good blow job like that!”

Me: *hurriedly leaves the restroom*

Related:
Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information

Faster And Furiouser

| Thomson, GA, USA | At The Checkout

(My register has gone down and I am in the process of getting someone to come and fix it. In the meantime, a man marches up to me with three things in his arms.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. My register is down.”

Customer: “What is this crap? You’re the only speedy checkout open! I want to get out of here in a hurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m waiting for someone to fix my register.”

Customer: “Why don’t YOU fix your register!?”

(I stay silent as he continues to rant.)

Customer: “I need to get the h*** out of this place!”

Me: “Sir, why don’t you go to the register next to me? She is open.”

(The customer looks over at the register, which isn’t a speedy checkout, and snaps at me again.)

Customer: “Why would I go there?! It isn’t even a speedy checkout!”

(I look over again. There is no one in line.)

Me: “Sir, she doesn’t have anyone in line–”

Customer: “Forget it! You can put that s*** back!”

(He throws the stuff onto my register and storms out.)

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