That’s A Wrap On The Rap

| Norway | Top

(I am a receptionist at a local gym. We use radio instead of CDs–normally hip-hop/pop music radio channels. An elderly gentleman, probably in his 80s, walks up to the reception with a kind smile. He is the only member working out at this early hour.)

Customer: “Young man, do you mind changing the radio channel?”

Me: “No, of course not. What kind of music would you like to listen to?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really care. I’m just tired of being told to f*** my deceased mother.”

May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

, | Wigan, England, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to order a large whopper meal with a Coke, please.”

Me: “Certainly.”

(After serving the customer, she goes to sit outside on a rather warm, summer afternoon. Ten minutes pass, and she comes back inside looking rather annoyed.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I’d like a replacement drink.”

Me: “May I enquire as to why, madam?”

Customer: “The ice in this one has melted!”

Don’t Bow Down To Your Desires

| Little Rock, AR, USA | Uncategorized

(A coworker of mine brings in a pin to put on my shirt that says, “Talk dirty to me”. The boss is okay with it, and we have a lot of cool regulars that come in.)

Me: “I love your bow-tie! You never see anyone wear them nowadays!”

Customer: *noticing my pin* “You wanna touch it?”

Me: *nervous laughter*

It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I did, thank you.”

(When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

Customer: “Really?”

(He looks down at his order.)

Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

Life Sucks When You’re Not American

| Cornwall, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Don’t tell me to have a nice day! We’re not in America!”

Me: “Sorry…don’t have a nice day?”

Customer: “I won’t, because I’m British!”

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