October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

More Importantly, Who’s Getting The Czech

| Rome, GA, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I overhear this as I am getting dinner.)

Girl 1: “Hey, if you wanna grab us a table, I’m going to go see what they’re serving today.”

Girl 2: “Okay.”

Girl 1: *comes back* “Hey, what is a Pollock?”

Girl 2: “I’m pretty sure it’s a person of Polish decent. Why?”

Girl 1: “Oh, I guess they’re frying them over there by the cabbage.”

(The sign says ‘Fried Potluck’.)

Questionable Questions

| Santa Clara, CA, USA | California | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me what time the mall closes today?”

Me: “Yeah, seven o’clock, so about five minutes ago.”

Customer: “Okay. And do you know about how long it takes for everyone to evacuate the mall?”

Me: “I–what? Why?”

Customer: “Oh, no reason.”

You And Me Could Write A Bipartisan Romance

| Durham, NC, USA | Movies & TV, Politics, Top

(I am the first person to arrive at work in the morning, and I answer a call as soon as I walk into the door.)

Caller: “Finally! I have been calling since 5 am! You people should be ashamed. I have an emergency!”

Me: “I’m sorry. No one gets here until 10 am most days. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I have a serious problem! My daughter has planned to have a date sometime today at your theater, and I told her she was not allowed to go! I need you to cancel her ticket!”

(I see no pre-sales for the day at all.)

Me: “No one has bought a ticket so far for today, so I can’t really help. Maybe you should just make her stay home?”

Caller: “Well, I can’t do that. She lives in her own place and I can’t get over there in time to stop her.”

Me: “Just how old is your daughter anyway?”

Caller: “She’s 28.”

Me: “Ma’am, she’s an adult and I cannot refuse her a ticket because you do not approve of her date.”

Caller: “You don’t understand! He’s a Democrat!”

A Large Can Of Whoop-A** And A Side Of Just Desserts

| Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

(Around my restaurant area a lot of kids hang out, most of whom are the unfavorable type. This day in particular, one of them decides to open the door and swear at everyone inside/)

Kid: “All of you are f***ing b****es!”

(We ignore it and try to continue work as if nothing happened.)

Kid: “F*** you, f***ing pigs!”

(We ignore it again and this repeats for another two times. I am getting very annoyed.)

Kid: “Girls should stay in the kitchen!”

Me: “Hey, stop that or I’ll call security.”

Kid: *looks at me up and down* “Whatever! I bet you want to do me, don’t you?”

(The kid continues to talk dirty and make gestures to me, so I cut it off there.)

Me: “Get out of here before I start breaking your legs.”

(The kid looks shocked, probably because he didn’t expect anyone to snap back at him. He runs away. My co-worker, boss and everyone else in the restaurant applaud and we get back into business. About 20 minutes later, the kid comes back with his mother.)

Mother: “Look, my son told me you threatened to break his legs! I’m reporting you to the police!”

Me: “Did he also tell you he was harassing us?”

Mother: “He told me he was talking to people when you–" *pushes index finger into my chest* "–threatened to break his legs!”

Me: “I can tell you, now, Ma’am. He was harassing me and the customers.”

Mother: “Lies! I’ll charge you for threatening a child!”

Me: “Yes, then I’ll sue him for harassment, sexual harassment and disturbing the peace.”

(The mother looks at the kid with horror on her face but doesn’t give up just yet.)

Mother: “You have no proof my son did that! I’ll charge you for psychological damages!”

Me: “I have plenty of proof on our cameras.” *I point to camera in the back corner, and then to the one at the front* “I also have a room full of witnesses who can give testimony on what he said and did.”

Mother: *stands on her spot stunned*

Me: “So do you want your can of whoop-a** here, or shall I serve it to you in court?”

This Call Has Been Terminated

| Wisconsin, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

Me: *long pause* “Beep?”

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