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  • Gave Them A Rude Awakening
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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Queer As Folk Re-Vamped

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Customer: “Hey. You were talking about vampire books with the last customer?”

    Me: “The’yre here on the wall next to the counter.”

    Customer: “Do you have any gay ones?”

    Me: “Do you mean as in homoerotic literature?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Oh, no. Have you tried [romance bookshop] across the road?”

    Customer: “Why would I go there? I just want gay vampires.”

    Me: “Well that’s generally a subsection of romance, not Sci-Fi.”

    Customer: “I don’t want romance! I just want gay vampires!”

    How Not To Curry Favor

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, am I calling India? Because I don’t want to be talking to some outsourced guy.”

    Me: “No, sir, you are not.”

    Customer: “I’ve been watching this TV show about how they can disguise their accents. How do I really know you aren’t in India?”

    Me: “Sir, we are based out of Los Angeles.”

    Customer: “Well, prove it then. What’s the capital of Los Angeles?”

    Blind To Reason, Part 3

    | Ballwin, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. May I help you?”

    Caller: *frustrated* “My husband has been in your store for over an hour and no one is helping him! I sent him in to match a red and white fabric!”

    Me: “Okay, can you give me his description? I’ll send someone out to look for him.”

    (The caller gives me her husband’s description, and another employee tries to find him. Five minutes later, the woman calls back.)

    Caller: *angrily* “Hi, I’m the one whose husband isn’t getting any help at your store. He’s trying to match a red and white fabric for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I sent someone out to look. Do you know where he is in the store? That would help us locate him.”

    Caller: “He says he’s by the red fabric. By the way, he’s color blind.”

    Related:
    Blind To Reason, Part 2
    Blind To Reason

    Customers Cause A Pounding Headache

    | Bensalem, PA, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a pound of Tilapia, please.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I put 3 pieces on the scale, and the weight comes to 1.02 pounds.)

    Me: “Is that good?”

    Customer: *sighs, then sounding utterly dejected* “Good enough.”

    Smoke Your Veggies

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (I’m a waitress taking the order of a little girl and her mother.)

    Young Daughter: “I’ll get the mac’n’cheese. Extra cheesy!”

    Mother: “No, you certainly will not. It’s your third day eating mac n’ cheese, missy! You’re going to get chicken and broccoli.”

    Young Daughter: “But mommy! Eddie said that broccoli is bad for you!”

    Mother: “Your brother most certainly did not!”

    Young Daughter: “Yeah! The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it’s very bad for little girls like me. His eyes were all red and everything!”

    Mother: “When was this?!”

    Young Daughter: “Yesterday! But his friend brought over more broccoli today. They’re weird.”

    Me: *feeling very awkward* “Ma’am, I can get the check for you if you’d like to leave?”

    Mother: “That’d be great. And could you box up an order of mac’n’cheese please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they’ll have the munchies and I want to torture them.”

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