Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

| Pennsylvania. USA | Top

Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is ***, how my I assist you?”

Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

(Note: our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or if they request one in advance.)

Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. ***. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over 20 minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

Guest: “Yes!”

Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos 20 minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

Guest: “Oh…oh my God. I’m so f***ing stupid!”

(He actually called back down later and apologized.)

Church At The Checkout

| Christchurch, NZ |

(A customer and her young daughter come up to my register.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you going?”

Mother: “I’m good, thanks!”

(Her daughter spots the sponge we use to make the bags easier to open.)

Daughter: “It’s the sponge! The sponge of baptism!”

Me: *speechless*

Daughter: “The sponge of baptism!” *places finger on sponge and wipes on forehead*

Mother: “We’re not even religious…”

Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

, | Minnesota, USA |

Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

| Petoskey, MI, USA |

(A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)

Customer: “Oh my god, what is it doing?”

Me: “You mean swimming?”

Customer: “Why did it do that?”

Me: “It was probably coming up for a breath.”

Customer: “It breathes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So, it’s not a fish?”

Related:
Something Smells Fishy

The Grapes Of Telepaths

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

(I’m a merchandiser working one of the stores on my route. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “White wine!”

Me: “You want a white wine?”

Customer: “White wine!”

Me: “Okay, sir. How about this one?”

(I hold out a bottle of Chardonnay.)

Customer: “That’s yellow. I want white wine.”

Me: “Okay. How about a White Zinfandel?”

Customer: “That’s pink. White wine!”

Me: “Okay, how about this?”

(I hold out a bottle of Pinot Grigio.)

Customer: “That’s clear. I want white!”

Me: “Sir, these are all white wines I’m showing you.”

Customer: “I want a white wine!”

Me: “Sir, these are white wines. ”

Customer: “That one’s yellow. That one’s pink. That one’s clear. I want white wine!”

(This went on for another ten minutes until his friend showed up. Turns out he wanted a yellow Chardonnay.)

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