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    Lacking The Most Important Sense Of All: Common

    | Sugar Land, TX, USA | Top

    (At my store, we have several baggers that are deaf. On this day, one of them was bagging for me and I was running a register.)

    Customer: *to bagger* “Excuse me, where is the mens’ room?”

    Bagger: *motions that he is deaf and cannot hear him*

    Customer: “I SAID where is the mens’ room?!”

    Bagger: *points to the sign on his nametag stating he is deaf*

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to tell me where the mens’ room is?!”

    Me: “Sir, he can’t hear you; he’s deaf.”

    Customer: “Why is he so f***ing rude? I asked him a question; he could just TELL me he’s deaf.”

    Me: “Sir, the mens’ room is over there.” *points*

    Customer: *to bagger* “You should’ve told me you’re deaf. It’s rude to not answer people like that.”

    Me: *signs to bagger to tell him what the customer said*

    Bagger: *signs back, “What an idiot!”*

    What A Bad Decision Looks Like

    | Tyler, TX, USA |

    (A woman comes into our store with her three children, one 5-6 years old, one toddler, and another still in a stroller. The eldest children immediately grab Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas off the shelves and beseech their mother.)

    Children: “Mommy, Mommy! Can we have this one?”

    Customer: “Sure, honey.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a game for children.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, it’s rated Mature. That means it has lots of violence, and I also know it’s got drugs and sexual themes. It’s really meant for adults only.”

    Customer: *turning back to her boys* “Are you SURE this is the one you want?”

    Children: *eyes now bulging with excitement after they overheard my description* “YES! YES!”

    Customer: “Okay, then.”

    Walk Loudly And Carry A Sharp Stick

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (A couple comes up to me looking for something to help against attacking cougars. I recommend bear spray, a high-power pepper spray to repel predators.)

    Customer: “Nah, we don’t need bear spray. Sometimes that stuff just pisses them off, y’know?”

    Me: “Well, in some rare cases–”

    Customer: “Hey what are those?” *points at 18″ machetes*

    Me: “Those are machetes.”

    Customer: “That’s perfect! That’s just what we ened. If there’s a cougar we don’t need no Bear Spray! We’ll just fight ‘em off with this!”

    Me: “Okay…you sure you wouldn’t like some bear spray, too? Just as a first option?”

    Customer: “Nah, sometimes that just pisses them off!”

    The Real Meaning Of Finger Food

    , | Bozeman, MT, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant that specializes in roast beef. A customer is standing at the end of the counter, staring at the meat slicer.)

    Customer: “Can I touch the beef?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “The beef. On the slicer. I want to touch it.”

    Me: “Uh, I can’t let you do that.”

    Customer: “But why?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t turn the slicer off during the lunch rush unless we’re putting a new roast on it.”

    Customer: “Oh, you don’t have to turn the slicer off, I just wanna touch the beef!”

    Me: “Well, I don’t want to serve anyone a sliced beef and finger sandwich today, so tough luck.”

    Crimes Of (Extremely Long) Premeditation

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    Me: “That’ll be $23.44, ma’am.”

    Customer: *stares off into space*

    Me: “…Ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “How would you like to pay for this?”

    Customer: “Oh right, I guess I have to give you money…”

    Me: “I’d appreciate it.”

    Customer: “…or, I could always steal it.”

    (At first I think she’s kidding; but, after a long pause, I realize she is actually contemplating this.)

    Me: “I’d go with the former, ma’am.”

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