Not The Brightest Idea

| Iowa, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you turn this light off?” *points to the light hanging over the table*

Me: “I’m sorry, but all the lights are connected. I can take the bulb out, but I would need to get a towel because it’s hot.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I return under a minute later with a towel to see the light off.)

Customer: “I took care of it.”

(After clearing the table, I see she broke the bulb and put the glass pieces in her salad.)

Tech Support Is Rendered Fruitless

| Minnesota, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “My computer has fruit in it!”

Me: “Like what?”

Customer: “Every time I turn my computer on, it has a fruit in it.”

Me: “You mean an apple?”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “That means you have that brand of computer. Do you need anything else, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really like apples. Can I get a cantaloupe on it instead?”

Ignoring The Lack Of An Elephant In The Room

| Wichita, KS, USA | Pets & Animals

Customer: “Someone told me you have elephant rides out there.”

Me: “No ma’am, we have camel rides and pony rides, but no elephant rides.”

Customer: “But no elephant rides?”

Me: “No ma’am, we don’t have elephants here.”

Customer: “But someone told me you had elephant rides!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that person must have been mistaken. We do not have elephant rides.”

Customer: “Well, where can I ride an elephant, then?”

Cash Back, Government Style

| United Kingdom | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, that’s £10.00 please.”

Customer: *handing me cash* “Could I have £10 cash-back as well, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you need to pay on your card to get cash-back.”

Customer: “Oh, do you?”

Me: “Yes, otherwise we’d just be giving you money.”

Go Directly To School, Do Not Pass Go

| Oxford, UK | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I need to buy Monopoly.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t actually sell board games.”

Customer: “Oh? Why not?”

Me: “Well, this is a bookshop. We pretty much only sell books.”

Customer: “Can I get the book of Monopoly?”

Me: “I’m not sure we have any books about Monopoly the game, but I can have a look on our system.” *I check the system* “Yes, I’m sorry. The only books we have are about monopolies in finance.”

Customer: “Maybe that will do? Does it come with the hat and everything?”

Me: “It’s a book, not a board game so there aren’t any player pieces or anything, and we don’t actually have any books about the board game monopoly either. I think if you’re interested in Monopoly the game, you should go to [store] across the street.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I’ll try that. While I’m here though, do you have that one with the candlestick and the library?”

Me: “Cluedo?” (Called ‘Clue’ in the USA.) “Again, I’m afraid it’s a board game so [store] across the street is your best bet.”

Customer: “How do you expect kids to like reading when you don’t sell anything they’d want to read?!”

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