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    This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

    | California, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want no g**d*** Chinese serving me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Get me an American.”

    Me: “Sir, I am American.”

    Customer: “What?! You think I’m blind? You think I’m f***ing blind? Go back to China!”

    Me: “Right, one second…”

    (My coworkers hear everything from the back, so one of my white coworkers comes out.)

    Customer: “Ugh, finally… an American!”

    Coworker: *starts speaking Spanish*

    Customer: “G**D*** IT! F*** Y’ALL, A**HOLES!” *storms out*

    Disc Doctor, Not Disc Miracle Worker

    | Erie, PA, USA | Top

    (Our store sells a device called a Disc Doctor; it resurfaces CDs so they can be read again.)

    Caller: “I bought a Disc Doctor and it isn’t working.”

    Manager: “Well, I have one, and they can be difficult at times. Why don’t you tell me what you did, and I’ll try and talk you through it.”

    Caller: “Okay. I sprayed it with the solution and then I put both halves in the tray–”

    Manager: “Wait… did you just say ‘both halves’?”

    Caller: “Yeah, both halves.”

    Manager: “Yeah, that’s not going to work…”

    From 20 Questions To Truth Or Dare

    | Rexburg, ID, USA |

    (Note: I work at a call center doing surveys on tourism. This person was obviously drunk when I called them.)

    Me: “Have you visited Texas within the last six months?”

    Drunk guy: “Yesh.”

    Me: “And how many people were in your travel party?”

    Drunk guy: “I have had enough of your questions. It’s time for you to answer some of mine!”

    Me: “Sir, we only have a few more–”

    Drunk guy: “Enough! What is your name, and have you ever been to a nudist colony?!”"

    By Jove, I Think He’s Figured It Out

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hey there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know the 9 types of lemonade you have.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we only have ONE kind of lemonade and we’re out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay, but what are your 9 different types?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. We only have one kind of lemonade and we’re currently out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, only to come back five minutes later.)

    Customer: “If I ask you the same question from earlier, you’re still going to give me the same answer, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Too Bad It Doesn’t Run On Stupidity

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Top

    (This was before hybrid cars or electric cars were mainstream. A man called about his Lexus that just stopped working after a few days, so we had it towed back to the dealership.)

    Customer: “I don’t know what happened; the car just stopped while I was driving, and almost caused an accident because of you people!”

    Me: “OK, let’s take a look.”

    (I couldn’t find any obvious issue, and all the free mechanics were giving the car a full once-over, trying to figure out the problem.)

    Customer: “I spent tens of thousands on this car! How the he** can you sell anything that would crap out in 2 days?!”

    (Just then I noticed the gas gauge was on ‘Empty’. I put a little gas in the engine and started it up.)

    Customer: “What?! For that amount of money, with the technologies these days, you still need to use gas?!”

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