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The Ks Stand For Karing & Kompassion

| Maryland, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a white male working as a lifeguard at a small neighborhood pool. This pool is members only with a strict pool pass policy. If they don’t have a pass, they can’t enter. A woman walks into the pool area and walks right past the lifeguard table. As she walks away, I stop her.)

Me: “Um, ma’am? Yes, hi. Do you have your pool pass?”

Woman: “No. They were never issued to me.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Woman: “Is it because I used to be a dude?”

Me: “No, ma’am, of course not. You see, we have a very strict ‘No Pass, No Entry’ policy.”

Woman: “Do you know how racist you sound right now?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “This is the last time I’ll be treated like this! Just you wait until I tell the KKK about this!” *storms out*

Short Hair For The Short Fused

| Netherlands | Uncategorized

(A girl walks into our hair salon and makes a strange request for her boyfriend’s appointment.)

Customer: “Can you cut it shorter than he says you should? He’ll demand he doesn’t have to pay, but I’ll just pay in advance.”

Me: “You have to go through all this just to get his hair shorter?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not about the short hair. I just think it’s hot when he throws a fit.”

Life In The Space-Slime Continuum

| Spokane Valley, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(At our theater we have a movie poster for the 4th installment of a popular children’s movie franchise in 3D. Because of this, it says that the movie will be in 4D. I overhear this exchange between two teenage customers in the lobby.)

Customer #1: “What’s the difference between 3D and 4D?”

Customer #2: “3D is when stuff pops out at you and 4D is when it gets you wet.”

From Couch Potato To Baked Potato

| British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(Due to a large fire in our area, over 30,000 people are under mandatory evacuation until the fire can be brought under control.)

Customer: “Where’s my technician? I was promised a technician today!”

Me: “Well, your area is under a mandatory evacuation order due to a fire in the area. You should leave immediately if you’re still there. Our technician can’t get through the police roadblock to your home. We already called and left a message on your cell phone to advise you of this.”

Customer: “Well, I’m here. Where’s my technician? Why can’t I turn any lights on?”

Me: “The power to the affected areas has been cut deliberately due to the fire.”

Customer: “Why can’t he get past the roadblock? Why didn’t you call my landline?”

Me: “They’re not even letting people who live in the area enter the evacuation zone. We didn’t call your landline because no one should be home right now.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not my problem. Sort it out!”

It’s Only Free Ninety-Nine

| Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

(We are doing a promotion where every customer gets one free can of cat food with every purchase.)

Me: “Hi, today, we are giving everyone a free can of cat food. Would you be interested in that?”

Customer: “No, I do not have enough money with me today.”

Me: “But ma’am, it’s free.”

Customer: “What? I said no! I do not have the money for it today!”

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