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    Too Much Information, Part 6

    | Delaware, USA |

    (I’m cleaning up several tables at a restaurant and overhear this conversation between three customers.)

    Female Customer #1: “…porn star. You can’t be shy about it! There’s not being shy if you’re just going to be a porn star, anyway.”

    Female Customer #2: “Yeah! What’re you working with, anyway?”

    Male Customer: *gets up and faces table, hands moving towards jeans*

    Me: *abandons tasks and leaves section immediately*

    Related:
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    Time To Trade In One Slightly Used Mom

    | Terrace, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Is this flea market going well for you?”

    Me: “Decently… considering how many other tables here, I’m glad for the business we’ve gotten.”

    Customer: “You can sell just about anything here, right?”

    Me: “Mmhmm.”

    Customer: “If I give you twenty bucks, will you please sell my children?”

    Me: “Well…um. I’m sorry, but no.”

    Customer: “Please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Selling your children would be slavery.”

    Customer: “Okay. So, can I buy this?” *holds up a cheap ring*

    Me: “Sure. That’ll be–”

    Customer: “I’ll give you my daughter for it!”

    Me: “No. You know what? If I give you the ring, will you go away?”

    Customer: *goes away with her children and the cheap ring*

    Mistaking Kitty For Kujo

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I work at an animal hospital, which also helps adopt out strays. It’s a slow day, so I walk into the lobby cradling a kitten for anyone that is interested.)

    Customer: “Is that your cat?”

    Me: “No, this little guy is one of our strays. He needs a home.”

    Customer: “Do you have any stray dogs?”

    Me: “Yes, we have a couple of dogs that are available for adoption. However, we have more cats and they are easier to walk around with.”

    Customer: “Never was a fan of cats. Dogs are always so friendly and loyal. You could die in your chair and your dog would just lie right next to you until they died too. A cat would probably start eating the flesh off your bones!”

    Them’s Excitin’ Words

    | Gainesville, FL, USA |

    (A girl and her boyfriend approached my customer service desk.)

    Girl: “Excuse me, where are the dictionaries?”

    Me: “Aisle 13.”

    Girl: “Thank you!”

    (A few minutes later the couple returned, dictionary in hand.)

    Girl: “How do you spell ‘ecstatic’?”

    Me: “E-C-S-T-A-T-I-C.”

    Girl: *thumbing pages* “OK…”

    Boy: “I’m tellin’ you, it ain’t a real word.”

    (Since she was still unable to spell it, finding the word was proving difficult.)

    Boy: *smugly* “SEE? If it was a real word, it would BE IN THE DICTIONARY, wouldn’t it?”

    Girl: “I can’t find it!”

    Me: “Try looking up ‘ecstasy’. They usually list the adjective forms of the noun at the end of the entry.”

    Girl: *finding it* “Oh, here it is, see? ‘Ecstatic’ means a person experiencing ecstasy. Look, honey!”

    Boy: *walking away* “It AIN’T A WORD, it AIN’T!”

    Girl: *chasing after him waving the book* “LOOK! It’s right here! LOOOOOK!”

    Now With Smarch And Gebruary!

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any calendars?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re right behind you.”

    Customer: *looks at several calendars* “This says 16 months. What does that mean?”

    Me: “Well, it has the last four months of 2008, and then all of 2009.”

    Customer: “But there are only 12 months in a year.”

    Me: “I know. It has a whole year on it and then part of the previous year.”

    Customer: “So what are the extra months again?”

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