Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6
    (2,729 thumbs up)
  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

    | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA |

    Customer: “How much is Bud Light?”

    Bartender: “$3.75″

    Customer: “Well, how much is Miller Light?”

    Bartender: “$3.75.”

    Customer: “D***! What’s the cheapest thing you got in here?!”

    Bartender: “YOU!”

    Speak For Yourselves, Part 2

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Elderly Lady #1: “Now, what are the prices like for this show?”

    Coworker: “Well, they’re-”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Don’t tell us it’s expensive! I don’t want to spend too much money!”

    Coworker: *holds out price sheet* “Here are the–”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Oh, would you look at that. Look at those prices. Now where are these seats?”

    Coworker: “Those are right-”

    Elderly Lady #2: “No, we don’t want to sit there. It’s too far in the back.”

    Coworker: “Actually, ma’am, they’re–”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Those seats are okay… they’re in the middle.”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Do they have anything closer on an aisle?”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately– ”

    Elderly Lady #1: “What do you need to be closer for? Those seats are fine. George and Harry will like them.”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Yes, but I’d rather be able to sit as far from Martha as possible.”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Ah, yes… we don’t like Martha. She talks so much you can never get a word in!”

    Related:
    Speak For Yourself

    It’s Pr0ning LOLcats And Blogs

    , | Ohio, USA |

    (I was teaching a 60 year-old or so guy how to use the internet.)

    Customer: “So… I can search for… ANYTHING?”

    Me: “Anything.”

    Customer: “And this will just find it for me?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    (We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.)

    Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?”

    Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.”

    Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?”

    Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.”

    (The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.)

    Customer: “You just saved my marriage.”

    (Enjoy your porn, Gary.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    It’s Just Like Disneyland, But With Funny Accents

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    (At a fairly new nice french restaurant. Chef comes to dining area to interact with the customers; he has an obvious French accent.)

    Chef: “Hi ladies, how was everything?”

    Customer: “The food was delicious. Where did you learn to cook?”

    Chef: “Well, I was born in France and went to school there.”

    Customer: “Really? Do you speak French? I mean, I know everyone in Europe speaks English, but do you know French?”

    Chef: *walks away disgusted*

    Dog Bites Owner, Files For Emancipation

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    (A woman comes into the grooming salon with a dog whose hair is extremely matted.)

    Customer: “I’d like her to have very long hair. Right now it’s all tangled and looks short.”

    Me: “I can’t actually leave her hair long. She’s matted to the skin, and policy says we must shave her. I’ll try to get my longest blade through, but it will most likely be naked.”

    Customer: “I don’t want her shaved. I want her hair long.”

    Me: “I can’t make her hair long. It’s matted. Her skin is red, it’s matted so tight. It needs to be shaved for her health, and our policy is to shave her or we don’t groom the dog.”

    Customer: “Can you guys do anything?”

    Me: “Yes. Shave her. Just this one time, and when you pick her up I can show you the brush you should buy to keep her hair from matting as it grows out.”

    Customer: “I’m not shaving her! I want her hair long. Not short. LONG.”

    Me: “I can hear you. It’s shave or nothing, I’m sorry, it’s policy and really the best interest for the dog.”

    Customer: “You should do as I’m telling you because I’M paying and it is MY dog.”

    Me: “YOU should brush YOUR dog, because it is YOUR dog and YOU chose to own it.”

    Customer: “I’m never coming back, and we’re going somewhere that will do what we want!”

    (She came back.)


    Page 1,732/1,964First...1,7301,7311,7321,7331,734...Last