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  • Mother Knows Best

    | Montreal, QC, Canada |

    (I witnessed this exchange between a mother and daughter shopping together. Note that the help desk was located between aisles 79 & 80 of the store. The mother was running up and down the store, looking down the aisles, but not walking in them. She finally stops and stands on the opposite side of the help desk from where I’m standing.)

    Daughter: “Well? Did you find it?”

    Mother: “No! That boy lied to us! He said its in aisle 79, but I’ve looked EVERYWHERE and there’s no aisle 79 in this whole store!”

    Daughter: (Looks to the left of the help desk.) “Mom? It’s… its right behind you.”

    Mother: “What are you talking about? This isn’t aisle 79!”

    Daughter: “Yes, it is. See there? No, mom, up there!” *points* “It says 79.”

    (Mother glances at the aisle number, then glances down the aisle without walking in it.)

    Mother: “Well, what we’re looking for isn’t down there! I’m sure of that!”

    One Should Learn From Mistakes So That They Are Not Receipted

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

    Me: “Alright, here you go. Have a nice day!”

    (About 20 minutes later, the customer comes back.)

    Customer: “I bought the wrong figure! I need to make an exchange!”

    Me: “All refunds and exchanges are done at Customer Service. Good thing I held on to your receipt!”

    (I hand him his receipt and he went to Customer Service. He gets his refund, then comes back to my register with a different toy.)

    Customer: “Alright, this was what I wanted to buy! Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

    (This time, I put his receipt in the bag without saying a word.)

    An Abundance Of Nuttiness

    | Pompano Beach, FL, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [grocery store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I bought peanut butter! Now I don’t know what to do with it.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You had peanut butter on sale–buy two, get one free. I bought the two and got one free, and now I have nothing to do with it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s not the fault of the store.

    Customer: “What do I do with it?!”

    Me: “Put it on a sandwich?”

    Customer: “Do you know how many calories are in two tablespoons of peanut butter? 200! 200 calories!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what to do with your peanut butter.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! If you don’t tell me what to do with it right now, I’m going to complain to your manager and have you fired!”

    Me: “Ma’am–”

    Customer: “What do I do with the peanut butter?!”

    Me: “I don’t know, make cookies with it? Give a jar to a friend? Donate to a homeless shelter?”

    Customer: “Are you crazy?! I paid good money for this stuff. I’m not going to just give it away. YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT!”

    It’s About The Destination, Not The Journey

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah, I went to order your cream online and there’s a problem. It asked for my name and address. I want to order anonymously.”

    Me: “Well, we would have to have your name and address to able to ship you anything.”

    Customer: “Why?

    Me: “We need to know where to ship it to.”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    Maybe He’s Italian?

    | Bay Area, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’ll take a small cappuccino.”

    Me: “Sure. Anything else today?”

    Customer: “Just a small cappuccino.”

    Me: “Okay, I got that. May I have your name please?”

    Customer: “Small cappuccino.”

    Me: “No, sir, I need your name for the order so we can call it out when your order’s ready.”

    Customer: *tries to save face* “Err…Small Cappuccino. My name is Small Cappuccino!”

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