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    It’s Late When It’s Son-Down

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    (A woman and her pre-teen son approach the counter.)

    Son: “I want both of these movies!”

    Mother: “We will have to see. I don’t have a lot of cash and we might have late fees.”

    Son: “God! Mom you are so dumb! I can’t believe you forgot to take back the d*** movies!”

    Me, to mother: “If your late fees are too much, we will also accept your first born in payment.”

    Concentrate Harder

    | CT, USA |

    (I am at a sample station of apple cider.)

    Customer: “Oh, apple cider!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Would you like to try some?”

    (At this point the customer picks up the bottle.)

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not from concentrate. That means I can try some! I’m allergic to apples, you know.”

    Misunderstood Comic Strip

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA |

    (Two middle aged women approach me.)

    Customer 1: “Excuse me? Can you help me find something?”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. What are you looking for? Gift ideas maybe?”

    Customer 1: “Yes exactly, I need a present that will interest a 14 year old boy.”

    Customer 2: *interjecting* “But not porn!”

    Me: “I think I can accommodate those taxing conditions.”

    What She Needs Is A Skynet

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “Hello, I have a problem. My computer doesn’t do anything.”

    Me: “You mean that it doesn’t turn on?”

    Customer: “It turns on just fine, but then it doesn’t do anything after that.

    Me: “So you mean that after turning on, you simply get a blank creen?”

    Customer: “No, it shows the manufacturer’s logo for a moment, then it says ‘loading’.”

    Me: “And it just gets stuck there, then?”

    Customer: “No. After that there’s a picture of a green field and a blue sky.”

    Me: “Well, that’s the default desktop. That all sounds right.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t do anything! I’ve left it for hours and hours and nothing will happen once it gets there!”

    Me: “So even if you click on an icon or a button or try to move the mouse, there’s no response? Could you try to be a little more specific about the problem?”

    Customer: “Mouse? Icons? Why would I try to click on anything?! My friend told me this thing could do my taxes and my homework but it just sits there all day and doesn’t do anything!”

    Questionable Answers

    | GA, USA |

    (I’m in the comics section, helping a man find a present for his daughter. I’ve picked up a book by a popular artist.)

    Customer: “It looks nice, but I already got her one of these things for her birthday. I don’t want to give her the same gift twice.”

    Me: “Are you sure? This book came out pretty recently. Did yours have the same title as this one?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Did the cover have the same colors as this?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Is there anything you recall about the book you got for her birthday?”

    Customer: *after a long, thoughtful pause* “It was made of paper!”

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