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    Ultra Short Term Memory

    | Belgium |

    Caller: “I forgot the password for my computer. Can you help?”

    Me: “Sure, let me just get your account information and you can enter a new password.”

    Caller: *gives me her information*

    Me: “Okay, you can enter a new password now.”

    Caller: “Okay, done.”

    Me: “Well, tha–”

    Caller: “S***! I forgot it again!”

    Sticky, Tricky and Picky

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (I was working in Customer Service, and a woman walked up with a Nintendo DS and her receipt. She had our protection plan purchased, so I sent her to one of the agents to take a look at it. The following conversation took place.)

    Agent: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need you to take a look at my son’s DS. It isn’t working anymore.”

    Agent: “Well, let’s see here.” *opens the DS and clears his throat* “Uh, ma’am? There’s jelly in here…”

    Customer: “Oh! I know! My son was playing his DS while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and dropped it on the DS. Is it unfixable? Am I going to have to get a new one? Can I get a DSi instead?”

    Agent: “We can’t do anything for it, actually.”

    Customer: *starting to get angry* “Why not?”

    Agent: “This protection plan does not cover accidental damage.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I am not paying for another DS! You’re doing something for me!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Like I said before, we don’t cover anything accidental.”

    Customer: “Then I did it on purpose! Will you fix it now?!”

    Agent: *sliding the DS back to the customer* “No…”

    Over The Gray, Bland Rainbow

    | Maryland, USA |

    Customer: “Something is wrong with this movie – the box said it was in color, but it’s black and white.”

    Me: “Haven’t you ever seen The Wizard of Oz before?”

    Customer: “No, but it says ‘color’ on the box.”

    Me: “The beginning is in black and white – it will turn to color.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid.”

    Serf and Turf

    | Carlsbad, NM, USA |

    Customer: “Where are all of your baked goods?!”

    Me: “We’re going to be closing here in about five minutes, and we usually don’t bring out any fresh baked goods at this time–”

    Customer: “Well, in Europe they bake all day long!”

    Me: “Well…we do things a bit differently in America. Would you perhaps like some of our half-priced baked goods?”

    Customer: “Eh, no…what’s this thing?” *pointing*

    Me: “A baguette.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’ll have that.”

    Me: “OK…would you like me to cut that up for you and give you some butter?”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll just bite chunks off of it.”

    Me: “…”

    Third Time’s A Charm For A Two-Faced One Track Mind

    , | Washington, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Um yeah, my phone stopped working. I need you guys to fix that for me.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. May I ask what exactly is the problem?”

    Caller: “Well, the internet on my phone quit working a few days ago.”

    Me: “Okay, I can definitely help you out with that. I do need your mobile phone number please…”

    (The customer gives me his number, and I discover that his phone is not compatible with the internet plan on his account. Furthermore, he can not change it because the account is not in his name.)

    Me: “…okay, so you understand why we cannot change that, right?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I guess so. Thanks anyway, man.”

    Me: “Not a problem sir. Thank you very much for choosing [phone company]. You have a wonderful day, sir.”

    (This is where things get interesting. Instead of hanging up, I immediately hear the following…)

    Female voice: “Aw baby, what’s wrong?”

    Caller: “This f***ing douchebag wont fix my g**d*** phone! I’ve had this d***ed thing for three years, never had a problem with it, now this f*** wont help me out!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir? You never actually hung up the phone. Might I suggest we do that now before anything else is said?”

    Caller: *brief pause* “… oh my God!I am so sorry! Oh my God sir, please don’t turn off my phone, PLEASE!”

    Me: “Not a problem. Just please remember to hang up the phone, okay?”

    (I wait for him to hang up a second time, but again, he doesn’t…)

    Caller: “I can’t believe that f***ing p***k stayed on the phone! What we he trying to do?! A**hole! I mean, can’t he freaking help a guy out?!”

    Female voice: *quietly* “I think you’re on speakerphone…”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir? You forgot to hang up again.”

    Caller: “S***! GIMME A BREAK!” *click*

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