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    Full Of Hot Air

    | Washington, USA |

    (Propane can only be stored in tanks up to 80% capacity. This is because when the tank gets warm, the gas expands a little. Thus, we leave a 20% buffer.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to lodge a complaint. Your driver keeps cheating me on gas.”

    Me: “Oh? How so?”

    Customer: “Well, he only fills it to 80%.”

    Me: “Oh, we only fill it to 80% to allow it expand on hot days.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! I want a full tank of gas.”

    Me: “We can’t do that, ma’am. If we fill it to 100%, the gas has nowhere to go when it expands. Your tank might rupture.”

    Customer: “You’re lying, I want my 100%! In fact, since you keep screwing me over, I want a 120% filled in that tank!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it is physically impossible to fill something 120% of capacity. We’d blow up your tank.”

    Customer: “Then tell your driver to leave the extra 20% in a bucket beside the house!”

    That’s One Giant Jump To Conclusions For Mankind

    | Oregon, USA |

    (At our electronics store, we had a stand with a WALL-E cut-out that talked when someone walked by it.)

    Movie Display: “Oooooooooh.”

    Customer: “What the–sir, SIR!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “That robot just moo’d at me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “That robot over there, he’s made fun of me because I’m fat by saying ‘MOOOOOOO’.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it did not moo at you. It said ‘oooooh’. It has a sensor there for when people walk by it, making one of five pre-recorded sounds.”

    Customer: *infuriated* “No! It moo’d at me! You two are covering for each other to make fun of my appearance!”

    Feline Fickleness

    | Miamisburg, OH, USA |

    (I was stocking things in the animals department when a woman walked up to me carrying a bag of cat litter that read “White Cat Litter”. The litter in the bag was white.)

    Customer: “Excuse me..”

    Me: “Is there something you need help with, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if my tabby could use this litter?”

    Me: “Well yes, I believe so, unless your vet has specified a certain brand?”

    Customer: “No, no. I want to make sure my gray tiger tabby can use this. It says ‘white cat’…”

    Me: “I don’t think it matters what kind of cat you have, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Even though he’s not white?”

    Me: “Well, since grey is just a darker shade of white, I think it’ll be okay.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks so much!”

    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Consumer

    | Long Island, NY, USA |

    (I was closing one night, and it was slow. A nervous-looking man came in and went to go order his drink.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to ****! What can I get for you this evening?”

    Customer: “Um…yes. Can I get a coffee?”

    Me: “OK, anything else tonight?”

    Customer: “Yes…” *takes out piece of paper* “An iced venti unsweetened black tea.”

    Me: “OK, your total is $4.30.”

    Customer: *frowns* “How much is the iced tea?”

    Me: “It’s $2.28…do you want me to take it off?”

    Customer: “No…you see, I’m on a blind date. My date told me that her regular drink at **** was this iced tea…and also that the price of the iced tea is her weight.”

    The Hole In His Logic

    | London, UK | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for your nuts.”

    Me: “Those are on aisle four sir.”

    Customer: “I’ve already looked and I can’t find them. I’m looking for my favorites.”

    Me: “All the types of nut we have in stock are in aisle four, if you can’t find them then we don’t stock them. Do you want me to have a look for you?”

    Customer: “No no, I’ll go look again.”

    (Five minutes later, he returns.)

    Customer: “I still can’t find my favorite nuts!”

    Me: “Then I am afraid we must not stock them.”

    Customer: “But my wife gets them for me from here every week!”

    Me: “What type of nuts does she buy you?”

    Customer: “Donuts…”

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