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    Church At The Checkout

    | Christchurch, NZ |

    (A customer and her young daughter come up to my register.)

    Me: “Hi there! How are you going?”

    Mother: “I’m good, thanks!”

    (Her daughter spots the sponge we use to make the bags easier to open.)

    Daughter: “It’s the sponge! The sponge of baptism!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Daughter: “The sponge of baptism!” *places finger on sponge and wipes on forehead*

    Mother: “We’re not even religious…”

    Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

    Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

    Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

    Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

    | Petoskey, MI, USA |

    (A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)

    Customer: “Oh my god, what is it doing?”

    Me: “You mean swimming?”

    Customer: “Why did it do that?”

    Me: “It was probably coming up for a breath.”

    Customer: “It breathes?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So, it’s not a fish?”

    Something Smells Fishy

    The Grapes Of Telepaths

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    (I’m a merchandiser working one of the stores on my route. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “White wine!”

    Me: “You want a white wine?”

    Customer: “White wine!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. How about this one?”

    (I hold out a bottle of Chardonnay.)

    Customer: “That’s yellow. I want white wine.”

    Me: “Okay. How about a White Zinfandel?”

    Customer: “That’s pink. White wine!”

    Me: “Okay, how about this?”

    (I hold out a bottle of Pinot Grigio.)

    Customer: “That’s clear. I want white!”

    Me: “Sir, these are all white wines I’m showing you.”

    Customer: “I want a white wine!”

    Me: “Sir, these are white wines. ”

    Customer: “That one’s yellow. That one’s pink. That one’s clear. I want white wine!”

    (This went on for another ten minutes until his friend showed up. Turns out he wanted a yellow Chardonnay.)

    That’s A Very Good Point

    | London, UK |

    Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

    Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

    Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

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