November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Half A Brain And A Pound Foolish

, | TN, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like to try our new Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger?”
Customer: “Nope. I want a… I’m not sure what it is called. But it has BBQ sauce, bacon, cheese and all that.”
Me: “Okay, that is our Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger.”
Customer: “Yeah, sure.”
Me: “Okay, would you like to add fries and a drink for a combo?”
Customer: “Nope, no combo.”
Me: “Okay, would you like the quarter, third, or half pound for that?”
Customer: “For what?”
Me: “The size of the meat patty; you can get either the quarter, third, or half pound.”
Customer: “I’m not stupid; I can read a sign. Is the half pound the biggest?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “So, the quarter-third is next size down?”
Me: “No, sir. Those are two different sizes. The third is smaller than the half, but larger than the quarter. The quarter is smallest of all.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. I will have the quarter-third.”

(I contemplate for a moment, then ring him up for a third pound.)
Me: “Okay, is that going to complete your order today?”
Customer: “What about some fries and a coke?”

Trouble’s A Cold Callin’

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Health & Body, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, this is [name] from [company name]. I’m calling to see if you would be willing to take part in a survey about the recent swine flu outbreak?”
Woman: “This is a Sunday morning. How dare you call me?!”
Me: “I’m very sorry to have bothered you.”
Woman: “Give me your number and we’ll see how you like being called on a Sunday morning.”
Me: “Ma’am, I work on a Sunday morning. You can call, but I won’t be there.”

Full-On Fraud Fail

| OK, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

Customer: “I need to cash my paycheck, please.”

Me: “Okay, may I see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: “Sir, this check hasn’t been signed.”

Customer: “What? Oh, I see. Hang on a second.”

(The customer signs the check in front of me with great flourish and hands it back.)

Me: “You know I can’t cash this for you, right?”

Customer: “Why not?  It’s signed!”

Me: “Sir, this is a check from [employer]. We cash about half of their payroll checks every pay period. One, it’s not their payday. Two, this isn’t their logo. Three, this isn’t their bank. Four, you just forged a signature in front of me, on camera.”

Customer: “It’s a good check!”

Me: “Well, I’m sure the officer standing in line behind you would love to hear all about it. Did I also mention that we cash payroll checks from the city, too?”

Children Of The Corn Aisle

| Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(A women comes in with six children. They are all whining, complaining, and touching everything they can find.)
Me: “Are they all yours?”
Customer: “Girl, you crazy!?” *she looks at the kids* “Two, Three and Five, raise your hands!”
(Three of the children raise their hands.)
Customer: “They’re my babies. The rest of these, I don’t know. They just follow me around!”

(Jack) Bauer-style Flowers

| New Jersey, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

(I work at a retail greenhouse and we have had a severe rainstorm. Several shingles came crashing through the glass roof. My coworkers and I are waiting in the shed until the boss shows up. We are stopping people from entering the store.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. You can’t go in there.”

Customer: “What? I just need to buy this flat of petunias.”

Me: “I understand, but the roof is shattering in there. It’s not safe.”

Customer: “You can’t stop me from going in. I risked my life driving here to get these petunias. I’m going in.”

(She goes in the store, where glass is still shattering. We can see her through the glass doors waiting at the register. After a minute she comes out furious.)

Customer: “Which one of you is the cashier? Can’t you see I’m waiting to pay?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t go back in. The roof is shattering and it is dangerous.”

Customer: “You’re all a bunch of wimps! I risked my life getting here. I need to buy these petunias!”