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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    I’m Sorry… That You And Your Son Are Idiots

    | Columbia, MD, USA | Top

    (The night before, I called the police because of a hit and run in the parking lot of my hotel. The cops put some kid in handcuffs because of a tip I gave them. The next night the kid’s mother found me.)

    Mom: “Hey! You’re the girl Alice that was working last night!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I am.”

    Mom: “You know that the cops put handcuffs on my 16 year-old son?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I was here for that.”

    Mom: “Well, the police told me a girl named Alice told them my son wrecked that car last night. I want to know why you told them that.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am. Your son was down here talking about the car accident he was involved in last night.”

    Mom: “But the cops put him in handcuffs!”

    Me: “…”

    Mom: “My son is only 16 years old, and they put him in handcuffs and didn’t even tell me!”

    Me: “Well, what would you like me to do about that?”

    Mom: “I want you to apologize.”

    Me: “For what?”

    Mom: “For calling to police and getting my son handcuffed!”

    Me: “You want me to apologize for reporting a crime?”

    Mom: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sorry.”

    Mom: “But the police put him in handcuffs!”

    Me: “Well, sounds like you have a problem with the police.”

    Mom: “Listen here, b****, I’m not leaving until you say you’re sorry!”

    Me: “You might be a while ma’am, because I’m not sorry!”

    Shoplift And Drag And Haul Away

    | Georgia, USA |

    (Furniture stores typically require the sales staff to discretely follow customers in order to be on hand if there are any questions.)

    Me: “Welcome to *** Furniture.¬†Do you see anything you like?”

    Customer: “What’s that supposed to mean? What, you think I’m gonna take something? I got money.¬†I ain’t gotta steal nothing from your store.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I was just checking to see if you needed any help. I didn’t think you were trying to take anything.”

    Customer: “I ain’t no shoplifter. I said I got money. What, you think I’m gonna try to take something outta here?”

    Me:¬†”It’s a furniture store, ma’am. If you can fit a loveseat in your pocket, you’re welcome to it.”

    Customer Of The Week: It’s The Icons

    | USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: It's The Icons
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story:
    When Nomenclature Goes Amok

    Airheaded

    | Orange County, CA, USA |

    (A man and his girlfriend are standing towards the front of the line to board an airplane. I’m a passenger who overhears their conversation.)

    Airline employee: “We are now boarding numbers 1 through 30.”

    (The man begins to walk away, but his girlfriend stays put.)

    Girlfriend: “Where are you going?”

    Man: “They called numbers 1 through 30.”

    Girlfriend: “But my number is 6!”

    Foldering The Blame

    , | Orlando, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are the red pocket folders? I don’t see them here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out of that color.”

    Customer: “Well, my son HAS to have one for his class.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out. We may have more on Saturday.”

    Customer: “What do you mean by ‘may have?’ Don’t you know?”

    Me: “Well, they come to us in assorted colors. We don’t have a choice of what we receive.”

    Customer: “My son has been getting an ‘F’ every day from his teacher for the past week! He will keep getting an ‘F’ until he brings one in!”

    Me: “Have you tried the office supply store across the street?”

    Customer: “Is this how you treat your customers? It will be YOUR fault when he flunks out for this!”


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