Misery Demands Company

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a food stand that only sells a few things. It’s early on a weekday and few people want to buy what I sell before dinnertime. There is a latin music show going on in the open-air theater across from me, and since I’ve already cleaned everything that can be cleaned and I am rather bored, I’m dancing to the music a bit. An old man walks up to my counter.)

Me: *stops dancing* “Hi, what can I get you sir?”

Customer: “You look like you’re having fun, young lady.”

Me: “It’s pretty slow today, so we try to keep ourselves entertained. What would you like today?”

Customer: “You’re not allowed to have fun when you work at a place like this. I would know. I worked at a place like this once.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I get you anything?”

Customer: “No, just don’t have too much fun!”

Introducing The Dumbbook Pro

| Connecticut, USA | Technology

(Note: A new operating system has just come out for our computers.)

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to get the new OS but I’m having some trouble. It gives me an error when try to download it from the App Store.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of error is it giving? Are you running version 10.6?”

Customer: “Yeah, it just won’t let me get it. I don’t know why.”

Me: “How old is the computer?”

Customer: “A couple years.”

Me: “That’s strange. You should be able to get it. You might want to bring the computer in to have us take a look. What kind of computer is it?”

Customer: “A Dell.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s a Dell. I got it a couple if years ago. It’s running Windows XP.”

Me: “Ah. Well, unfortunately, the new OS is Mac OS X. You would need a Mac to be able to run it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s really inconvenient!”

Shooting The Message-less Messenger

| Montreal, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached Jen at [company].”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi.”

Customer: “Who is this?”

Me: “Jen.”

Customer: “Jen?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “F*** you.” *hangs up*

Does Your Sandwich Measure Up

| Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am a 19 year old female worker in a sub shop. A 20-something customer comes in with his girlfriend.)

Customer: “So, you work at [sandwich shop]?”

Me: “Yea? Why?”

Customer: “So, you know how to handle a foot long eh?”

Me: “Yes, yes I do.”

Customer: “Oh, good, so you can handle me, eh?”

Me: *playing along* “I doubt you’re a footlong but, yeah, I guess.”

Customer’s girlfriend, to customer: “See! Even she knows you have a huge ego.”

(His girlfriend goes on to order a 6 inch sub. I make it and hand it to her.)

Customer’s girlfriend, to customer: “Well, this is more like it, eh, babe?”

Unlimited Cluelessness Plan

| NY, USA | Technology, Top

(A woman comes storming through the doors. She blasts by other customers who are waiting in line and slams her phone onto the counter.)

Me: “Is there something I can–”

Customer: “This phone you sold me is a piece of s***!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What exactly is wrong with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work! I can’t get any calls on it!”

Me: “Let me take a look.”

(I pick up the phone and begin to examine it as the woman continues to rant and rave.)

Customer: “I paid a ridiculous amount of money for this thing! I can’t believe you would charge me so much for something that doesn’t even work! What is the world coming to? Have you no shame? Do you do this to all your customers?”

Me: “I think I see the problem, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes? And?”

Me: “This is a TV remote.”

(All the other customers are watching, dead silent.)

Customer: *mutters* “I…I think I must have…grabbed the wrong…”

(She snatches her remote and flees the store. As soon as she disappears, the entire store bursts into laughter.)

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