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    GPS Needs Some Maine-tenance

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    Me: “Okay, which sandwiches off the menu would you like?”

    Customer: “I want olives.”

    Me: “Yes, but what kind of meat, sauce, cheese? We have our recipes up there for you.”

    Customer: “Look, all I want is olives. And sauerkraut.”

    Me: “I don’t have any sauerkraut for you sir.”

    Customer: “They have sauerkraut at other places! Like in Maine!”

    Me: “But not here. I’m sorry. And we are not in Maine.”

    Customer: *deadly serious and worried* “We’re not?”

    Not Exactly A Golden Ticket

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I work a photo booth that takes everyone’s picture before they get into an attraction, we give tickets out so we can easily locate a customers photo when they come back. A customer hands over her ticket and I hand her the photo to see. She begins walking away with it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, excuse me. I’m sorry we actually sell those here.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Well, you have to purchase them. We don’t just give them away.”

    Customer: “But I don’t need to purchase it, I gave you a ticket.”

    Me: “Ma’am that ticket is only so we can find your photo, you need to purchase it if you want to take it home.”

    Customer: “But I gave you a ticket.”

    Me: “Everyone gives us a ticket. Sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to buy that if you want it. It’s $5.”

    Customer: “This is the biggest scam in the world. I am not paying for my own photograph!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a business. If you don’t want to buy it you don’t have to, but we’re not going to give it to you for free.”

    Customer: “Can I at least get a discount?”

    Me: “Why would we give you a discount?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE I HAVE A TICKET!”

    Ball Buster Filibuster

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (I work at a video store, where in order to rent movies we ask for a phone number and then read out their name to verify the account. You can have one primary account name, with others added on to it. This particular customer was on the account under his wife.)

    Me: “Phone number, please.”

    Customer: *reads out number*

    Me: “Are you under [name of wife]“?

    Customer: “Not tonight. She’s mad at me!”

    Living A Vanilla Kind Of Life

    | North Carolina, USA |

    Me: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a small cone.”

    Me: “A small cone with what kind of ice cream?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “But, what kind?”

    Customer: “A small scoop!”

    Me: “But what flavor!”

    Customer: “Oh! I didn’t know I had that option.”

    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    Me: “Okay ma‚Äôam, lets try resetting your modem.”

    Customer: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “Is there a button on the modem?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Not all modems have a reset button. We can just unplug it and plug it back in.”

    Customer: “Which cord do I unplug?”

    Me: “The one that plugs into the wall.”

    Customer: “Which one is that?”

    Me: “Do you see those larger wires come from the back that go into your computer?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “None of the wires that look like that.”

    Customer: “Oh.. okay. So this small one that says Modem?”

    Me: “That‚Äôs the one.”

    Customer: “What about this other one?”

    Me: “What other one?”

    Customer: “There’s another thin wire that goes to this other box.”

    Me: “That’s for your phone. Leave that one alone.”

    Customer: “Okay. So pull out that wire?”

    Me: “No. Just–”

    Customer: *click*

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