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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Movies That Never Should Have Been Greenlit, Vol. I

    | Lansing, MI, USA |

    Customer: “I want a free rental on my account for this movie!”

    Me: “Was the movie damaged? Did it skip or something?”

    Customer: “No, it sucked. I don’t want to pay for a bad movie.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But we don’t give free rentals on account of bad movies.”

    Customer: “But you people should have told me it was bad!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry. But we don’t get to see all the movies we have here.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a f***. This doesn’t change the fact I want a free movie!”

    Me: “Like I said before, we don’t give free rentals based on bad movies…” *looks at movie* “… or bad taste.”

    Customer: “Huh? What do you mean?”

    Me: “You rented Ninja Cheerleaders. This would be like me going to a restaurant, ordering a rat on a stick, eating it, and then asking to get the meal free.”

    Tech Support, Tier 666

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA |

    (Sometimes I get very bored at work and decide to have fun with customers.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “My computer isn’t working at all. It seems that something is wrong with it.”

    Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do…”

    (I place my hands on the computer and in my best imitation of a televangelist.)

    Me: “IT IS HEALED! PRAISE THE LORD!”

    Customer: “Oh my God, really? Are you serious?! Thank you!”

    Me: “No, no I’m not.”

    Customer: *completely baffled*

    Me: “I hate my life.”

    Two Letters And A Hundred Stitches

    , | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (After helping a middle aged man find many CDs…)

    Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?”

    Me: “Ryland.”

    Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!”

    Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.”

    Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!”

    Airheaded, Part 3

    | Monroe, NC, USA |

    Manager: “May I help you?”

    Customer: “I would like to return these wind chimes. They don’t work.”

    Manager: “Okay, are they broken?”

    Customer: “No, they just don’t work.”

    Manager: “Well, where did you hang them?”

    Customer: “On my back porch.”

    Manager: “Well, they should work just fine there.”

    Customer: “They don’t… my husband and I sit on the porch and no there is no sound from the chimes!”

    Manager: “Is your porch screened in? That could reduce the wind.”

    Customer: “No, it’s glassed in…”

    Manager: “… I believe I know what the problem is.”

    Customer: “Can you fix it?”

    Manager: “No, but I can sell you a fan!”

    Related:
    Airheaded, Part 2
    Airheaded

    It’s Okay, That Character Was Tone Deaf Anyway

    | Birmingham, UK |

    (I’m working in a video rental store renting out Bollywood films when a customer asks about a particular film.)

    Customer: “Hi! Can you tell me if this is a good family film?”

    (He hands me a Bollywood film called Deewaar.)

    Me: “Not really. I mean, it’s got an 18 certificate rating on it, for starters.”

    Customer: “Oh. What is it about?”

    Me: “It’s about the son of an Indian POW in a prison camp in Pakistan who attempts to rescue him.”

    Customer: “Well, that can’t be a bad family film. Have you seen it?”

    Me: “Well, I watched a scene where the main character is fighting a bad guy on a train. He sticks his head out of the window and an incoming pole cuts his head off clean.”

    Customer: “… does it have good songs in the film?”

    Me: “…”

    (Note: Bollywood films mainly come with songs. Apparently, people just watch these films for the songs…)


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