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    Common Sense Is Not That High-Reaching…

    | Red Deer, Alberta, Canada |

    (This was during a first-stage fire alarm in the hotel, which was already verified to be a false alarm.)

    Guest: *completely oblivious to the fire alarm* “The elevators aren’t working properly!”

    Me: “The elevators won’t work during a fire alarm, but we already know it’s a false alarm. It will take us about 5 minutes to reset the elevator doors. If you need to get to your room right now the stairs are just outside those doors.” *pointing*

    Guest: “Why won’t they work? I don’t get it.”

    Me: “In a real emergency such as a fire, it is unsafe for anyone to use the elevators. I assure you it’s a pretty standard procedure. If you need to get up right away I can show you the stairs.”

    Guest: “Well, that’s just unsafe! What do the people trapped on the upper floors do?! HOW DO THEY GET DOWN DURING A FIRE?!”

    Nearby Guest: *patiently waiting for the elevator to be re-set* “They use the same stairs you were told to use!”

    Guest: “Well, I’m not from the city, I don’t know these things!”

    Beans From The Third Rice

    | USA |

    (On Mondays we have a medium cup of coffee for a dollar deal. A woman came in to order her drink.)

    Customer: “I would like a small coffee with steamed milk.”

    Me: “OK.”

    Customer: “Actually, it’s with soy milk.”

    Me: “OK.”

    Customer: “And you know what? Make it a medium.”

    Me: “OK, that’ll be $3.18.”

    Customer: “No, it’s only a dollar.”

    Me: “But it’s steamed soy milk, that’s different from–”

    Customer: “You guys are so soy unfriendly! If I have dairy I could go into anaphylactic shock! This is ridiculous; it’s a medium coffee! It’s only extra because of soy milk – I can’t believe this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s extra for two percent, too.”

    Customer: “You are just a soy nazi! Give me my money back; I’m going to ****. Don’t expect to see me again – this is so ridiculous! You guys aren’t going to make any money if you aren’t more soy friendly. You’re just soy nazis!”

    Me: “…”

    More Than He Bargained For

    , | Middletown, NY, USA |

    (My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

    Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

    Customer: “Will you take $4?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

    Customer: “$5?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

    Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

    From Zero To Karma In 1 Second

    | Victoria, Australia |

    (I’m a driving instructor taking a student for his first drive ever. It’s a quiet suburb street, away from major traffic.)

    Me: “Okay, just pull out slowly and watch for parked cars…”

    (As my student is doing this, a frustrated driver that has been following us pulls into the lane next to us, driving the wrong way since it’s a two-lane road.)

    Angry driver: *yells out window* “Learn to f**king drive!”

    (The angry driver speeds off … and crashes right into a car heading the opposite direction. Later on, after we’ve pulled over and are waiting for the police…)

    Me, to student: “Okay, that’s an example of what NOT to do while driving.”

    If A Tree Falls In A Forest…

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to book a table for three for tonight.”

    Me: “No problem, we have one available, what time would you like to come in?”

    Customer: “Around 1 am.”

    Me: “Um, sir, we close at 11 pm.”

    Customer: “But I want a table at 1 am. You should stay open and wait for us.”

    Me: “Are you joking?”

    Customer: “No, I am not joking. If you wont give me a table at, 1 am I won’t come and eat at your restaurant!”

    Me: “Well, you can come here at 1 am, but no one will be here.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m going to come down there at 1 am and knock until you open the door!”

    Me: “Okay… see you then, sir…”


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