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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Not The Most Well-Red Of Customers

    | FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m taking a to-go order over the phone. The customer is ordering a couple of well done steaks.)

    Customer: “Okay. On those steaks, I want them to be cut through all the way to the bone on both sides. I want to make sure that they are cooked all the way through. There can’t be any pink.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “Make sure they do that. They didn’t do that last time.”

    Me: “Okay, I will tell them.”

    Customer: “The reason I need them cut like that is to make sure they’re cooked all the way through. My doctor told me not to eat red meat.”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14

    | CT, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do you have financing options?”

    (I explain the program, and the customer fills out the online form. The site gives an instant decision. She gets declined.)

    Customer: “I got declined. I don’t understand why.”

    Me: “Well, it has to do with your credit. You’ll receive a packet in the mail within 10 business days explaining exactly why you were declined.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. Can you help me with this? I think I did something wrong.”

    Me: “Well, I wouldn’t apply again. It’s not likely to change and it means that it will run another credit check on you.”

    (The customer insists, and begins filling it out with me there overseeing. She gets to the section about annual income and planned purchase amount. She puts $100,000 as her annual salary. Keep in mind, she’s no more than 25.)

    Me: “Man, I’m in the wrong business. Can I ask what you do?”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m a student. But my dad works on Wall Street.”

    Me: “But you make $100,000 per year?”

    Customer: “No, my dad does.”

    Me: “But, you’re applying for the card in your name. They need your annual income.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just use his?”

    Me: “No, you can’t. In fact, what you just did is illegal. That’s why you got declined. You’re trying to commit credit fraud.”

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t do that?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11

    Bi Now, Gay Later

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Could you tell me if this store is bisexual?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “You know, like men’s clothes and women’s clothes together?”

    Me: “Unisex? Yes, ma’am, the store is unisex.”

    Customer: “Oh, good. Do you go both ways?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can help you with all your purchases.”

    Acting Flippantly, Part 3

    | WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer is calling in with internet problems.)

    Me: “Let me reset some of your equipment. It works best if your modem is off. Can you flip off the power switch for me?”

    Customer: “Is something supposed to change when I do that?”

    Me: “The LED’s on the front of the modem should go dark.”

    Customer: “They’re still on. I’ve been giving it the middle finger for 30 seconds now, and the lights are still on.”

    Acting Flippantly, Part 2
    Acting Flippantly

    For Some, Reading Is Total Kabul

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Patron: “I need some books on Afghanistan.”

    Me: “Okay, I can show you where that section is in the non-fiction.”

    (I lead the patron over. There are several books on the subject.)

    Patron: “So are these, like, books you have to read? Because my school library had some of those, but it’s not what I wanted.”

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