After Sickness It Is Best To Re-coupon-ate

| Albany, NY, USA | Top

(The customer hands me a coupon that has been expired for five months.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This coupon expired back in June.”

Customer: “I know. I was diagnosed with cancer and I went to Europe for four months for experimental treatment.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. I do hope your health is improving. Unfortunately, I still can’t accept this coupon. Even if it wasn’t expired, it can’t be used on sale items.”

Customer: “This is a load of s***! You’re going to penalize me for having cancer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There is nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that crap. I’m going to call my lawyer. You can’t discriminate against me because I have cancer.”

Me: “Sir, there is nothing I can do. The system won’t allow me to override sales.”

Customer: “Let me speak to [name of manager].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. He’s not in today. I can call another manager.”

Customer: “I know he’s here! You’re just not telling me because he’ll make you give me the discount. I am not leaving until I speak to him.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but [manager] is not here today. Five months ago, they discovered he had a brain tumor. When they operated on him, it caused a brain bleed and he had a stroke.”

*awkward silence*

Customers wife: “Well, I bet you feel like an a** now! Trying to use cancer as an excuse!”

Barcode Overload

| Bonita Springs, FL, USA |

(A customer is in my line with a large box. I lean over and hold my hand scanner upside-down to reach it.)

Customer: “Wow! You can scan barcodes upside down now? Technology these days!”

Tiger, Tiger, Fake And Bright

| Missoula, MT, USA |

Customer: “Excuse me, is your tiger fur made of real tiger?”

Me: “No. All of our fur is fake. It’s made of polyester.”

Customer: “Tigers are made of polyester?”

Houston Had It Easy

| KY, USA |

Customer: “What do you have in that’s good?”

Me: “Well, we just got Apollo 13 in. It’s the true story of the Apollo mission.”

(The customer looks perplexed.)

Me: “You know. ‘Houston, we have a problem.’

Customer: “Does it have any aliens in it?”

Customers Can Stop You Cold

| Fairfield, CA, USA |

Customer: “Ma’am, I think your frozen yogurt is expired.”

Me: “Really? What brand?”

Customer: “I don’t remember. But it tasted funny last night when I ate it.”

Me: “What was the expiration date?”

Customer: “Not until next month. But it tasted funny. After I put it in the microwave, it was liquid and warm.”

Me: “You put it in the microwave?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s frozen yogurt! You have to heat it up!”

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