Me: “Thank you for contacting technical support. How can I help you?”
Customer: *whispering* “Can you shut my internet off for four hours?”
Me: “I could disable the port, but may I ask why?”
Customer: *whispering* “My son has been locked in his room since last night and he won’t come out or talk to me. He hasn’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s 3 pm.”
Me: “I suppose I could, however, you will need to call us to re-enable your connection.”
Customer: “Thank you! I don’t know what he’s doing in there on the computer. It’s been like this since we got your internet.”
Me: “Your connection has been disabled. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”
Customer: “No, thank you. I hope he comes out soon!”
(I work at a certain attraction where you run, jump and dance at the video capture station, then that video is put into a video game and the avatar is yourself. A little girl approaches.)
Me: “Hello sweetheart, have you played before?”
Me: “Well, basically you run jump and dance in here. Then, our computers put you into the video game!”
Girl: “But…how do we get out of the video game?”
Customer: "Are you guys open on Saturday?"
Me: "No ma’am, I’m sorry. We are open Monday through Friday 9am to 6pm."
Customer: "Well, could you get someone to come in? I’m in a hurry and this really can’t wait all weekend."
Me: "So you want us to come in on our day off so we can work on your order?"
Customer: "Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like I’m being a jerk."
Off The Clock, Customer Block
(This takes place after setting up installation date for the caller’s service.)
Me: “Now, do you have any pets or animals that we need the technician to know about?”
Caller: “Nah, he’ll be alright. I’ll just tie my kids up in the back-yard.”
(Sundays are our busiest days for trades at our video game store. Six people are in line at my register, and the only other employee is on the floor fielding customer questions.)
Me: “Thank you for calling . How can I help you?”
Caller: "I’d like to get trade-in prices for some games I have."
Me: "No problem. We’re a bit busy in store right now, though, so I’ll only be able to give you prices on three trades over the phone. Any more, and you’ll have to come in to the store."
Caller: “Bull! It’s 1 PM on a Sunday. No way you have that many customers."
Me: *holding phone towards customers waiting in line* "Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the man who doesn’t think you’re here."
Me: "Any other questions, sir?"