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    Baaah-laboring The Obvious

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any kid’s shoes?”

    Me: *thinking she’s referring to a similar-sounding brand* “Yes. They are right over here.”

    Customer: “No, not these. Kid’s shoes!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The youth department is over here.”

    Customer: “No, not kid’s, kid’s!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you looking for the brand, or kid’s shoes?”

    Customer: “Kid’s!”

    Me: *showing her the brand* “Is this what you are looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you have them in kid’s?”

    Me: “No, we do not have kid’s sizes.

    Customer: “I am not looking for kid’s sizes! I am looking for some to fit me!”

    Me: *confused* “These are our adult shoes…the youth section is over there.”

    Customer: “Do you even know what a kid is?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “A kid is a baby goat! I am looking for shoes made out of baby goat skin!”

    Your Improv Needs Improvement

    , | Denver, CO, USA |

    (I work at my university calling alumni for donations. The person who picks up has a normal American accent.)

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, may I please speak with [name]?”

    Caller: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is *** from [university].”

    (Suddenly, the caller changes his voice to a thick, supposedly foreign accent. It’s obvious it’s the same person.)

    Caller: “He not here now.”

    Me: *playing along* “Oh, okay. Do you know a better time for me to reach him?”

    Caller: *still using accent* “No, no. He not here! If he need to sign form, send them to his work.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, thanks for taking the time to speak with me. Have a great evening!

    Caller: *back to an American accent* “You too!”

    Stir, Yes, Sir!

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

    Coworker: “Is that all?”

    Customer: “YESSS!”

    Hair In Mid-air

    | Orem, UT, USA |

    (A customer brings in a beautiful long haired Shih Tzu for a trim up. As I am petting the dog, I feel that she is very matted.)

    Me: “I am sorry, but Missy is very matted. She needs to be shaved down very close to her skin.”

    Customer: “Oh no, she’s not matted. Can’t you see how long her fur is? I brush her every day.”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, ma’am, but you are only getting the hair on top. The hair on the bottom has become very matted and needs to be shaved.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just shave the bottom and leave the top?”

    It Was A Love/Hate/Poison Relationship

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Hello. How do you have strawberries so late in the season?”

    Me: “They are a special breed called Everbearing. They last until the frost comes.”

    Customer: “How did they get such a breed?”

    Me: “Well, they bred them especially for this.”

    Customer: “So they were genetically modified? That causes cancer!”

    Me: “I’m sure they won’t give you cancer. There are other things that cause cancer, but–”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me what causes cancer! Don’t you think I know what causes cancer?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “It’s okay, I’ll take a basket. They’re for my sister.”

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