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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Ah, Mothers

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    (A mother and her teenage son come through my line…)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything you need?”

    Mother: “Yes, we did.”

    (I notice she is buying party items, including cups, soda, pizzas, napkins… and condoms.)

    Me: “Oh, are you having a party soon?”

    Mother: *nods* “My little James is growing up. He’s going to have an orgy with all his little friends, aren’t you Captain Muffinpants?”

    Me: *suppresses laughter* “Will that be all?”

    Son: “YES! YES THAT WILL BE ALL!” *runs to car*

    Related:
    Mom In A Thong: Wrong
    A Mother’s Love

    Pepsi With A Hint Of Levis

    | Worcester, MA, USA |

    (A customer places a 2 liter bottle of soda down at the end of the conveyor belt. When the conveyor belt, moves the bottle falls over and the cap shatters; the soda leaks all over my pants.)

    Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to get another bottle if you still want to buy the soda.”

    Customer: “But I wanted that bottle!”

    Me: “Well, then… I’ll just squeeze the soda from my pants back into the bottle for you.”

    We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    (During a major power outage that left all of Cincinnati in the dark for days, a woman calls the theater asking about movie times.)

    Customer: “Hi, what movies do you have playing today?”

    Me: “None, we don’t have electricity.”

    Customer: “And what time does that start?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t open.”

    Customer: “That’s too early, what else you got?”

    Me: “NO MOVIES ARE SHOWING TODAY!”

    Customer: “I heard that was no good.”

    Me: “We can’t show movies because we have no power!”

    Customer: “Is that the movie with Samuel L Jackson?”

    Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. It starts at 6pm but you might want to be here early because it gets crowded this time of day.”

    Sorry Jesus, Your Birthday’s Been Moved Up

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello sir, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “Um… can I please have a mocha latte?”

    Me: “Sure. That would be $3.50, please.”

    (Five minutes later…)

    Me: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “What is this? Why isn’t the cup red?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The cup. It’s usually red!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, that is only around Christmas time.”

    Customer: “What?! THEN MAKE IT CHRISTMAS TIME!”

    Airheaded, Part 2

    | Massapequa, New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “My son let go of the balloons. I need more.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that takes a long time to do and were very busy now. It will take at least an hour.”

    Customer: “But the party is now! What the f*** am I supposed to do with no balloons?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it takes a while. I will do them as fast as possible.”

    (He leaves and I start to fill up so many balloons my fingers are red.)

    Customer: “About time!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I’m sorry you lost the balloons, so I took 25% off.”

    Customer: “You’re charging me for these?!”

    Me: “Yes, you are buying more balloons.”

    Customer: “But I just paid for balloons, and they flew away.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you bought them and you’re buying more. I need to charge you.”

    Customer: “But this was your fault! You shouldn’t have made them so… floaty!”

    Me: “… I’m very sorry, but these are less… floaty.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Yes!”

    Related:
    Airheaded


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