The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To get Neutered, Part 2

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(We run a camp for dogs to play. We often let the owners know of bad dog behavior.)

Customer: “How did our dog do today?”

Me: “Well, sir, he did a lot of humping today.”

Customer: “Just like his dad.”

Customer’s wife: “Oh my God.”

Related:
The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To Get Neutered

The Purchase Was A Pre-Medicated Decision

| Joliet, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am closing the pharmacy curtain. A customer comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “I need to pick up my prescription for my pain medication. I’m in a lot of pain.”

Me: “Okay. Just for future reference, the pharmacy closes at 9pm.”

Customer: “I know. I was too busy getting an iPhone to get here while you were open.”

It’s The End Of The World (As We Stole It)

| Upstate New York, USA | Religion

(I work for a telecommunications company doing tech support. It’s 5/20/11, the day before the supposed Rapture, and I am scheduling a work order.)

Me: “Now, sir, I have appointments open for the 21st. Would that work at all?”

Caller: “Well, yes, we should be around, unless we get Raptured. In that case, we might want to cancel it. Or, if we don’t, we might not want to cancel it. Not sure which one is the bigger problem.”

Me: “Sir, I do assure you we are well prepared for either eventuality–return of Christ or not. Now, barring Rapture, I have a 1 – 3 pm and 3 – 5 pm. Which would you’d prefer?”

Caller: “1 – 3 pm. If we don’t get Raptured, we want time for looting.”

Not Getting With The Program

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good afternoon, [Software Company] Tech Support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a complaint about your software. My employees keep exiting the files without saving. I need you to fix that problem with your software.”

Me: “Sir, when you pick to exit the application, it asks you if you are sure you want to exit without saving.”

Customer: “I know. I think they are just hitting enter at the question.”

Me: “Sir, the default is no.”

Customer: “Well, they must be answering yes.”

Me: “I’m not sure how we can change the software to make it easier for your employees to understand.”

Customer: “Can you add a second box after the first box, asking if they are really sure they want to lose what they just entered?”

Me: “I can put that request in, sir. But I doubt that development will change the software.”

Customer: “Why not?! It’s a bug in your software! I want it fixed!”

Her Heart’s Really In It

| UT, USA | Uncategorized

(This very old lady is calling. She calls every so often and always sounds like she’s ill.)

Me: “Thank you for calling customer support. How may I be of assistance to you?”

Customer: “I am highly upset right now!” *coughs and wheezes* “You people are always messing up my orders! I am a high paying customer who needs to have their order now. I can’t get into my account.”

Me: “Alright. Have you tried logging in?”

(The line goes silent. I can hear her clicking her computer.)

Customer: “Oh, I feel so ashamed. I can die right now.”

Me: “That’s okay, ma’am. I’m just glad you were able to get in. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: *coughs* “My chest hurts.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I think I’m having a heart attack from all of the shame!”

Me: “Ma’am, you should call the doctors right away!”

(I hear a noise.)

Customer: *coughing and laughing* “Never mind. It was just gas.”

Me: “Well, I’m glad you’re alright, ma’am.”

Customer: “Me too. But I don’t think that my dress is.”

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