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    New at CES: Unending Serial Bus

    | Ventspils, Latvia |

    Customer: “I need an USB cable.”

    Me: “For which device?”

    Customer: “For my computer!”

    Me: “But you will plug it in somewhere?”

    Customer: “Yes, in my computer!”

    Me: “But what’s at the other end of the cable?”

    Customer: “What other end?”

    The Bear-est Signs Of Intelligence

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    (The customer is buying one piece of jewelry. I’m all about the environment so I try to avoid giving out bags for small purchases.)

    Me: “Would you like a bag, or do you want to put it in your purse?”

    Customer: “My purse is fine.”

    Me: “Yay! You just saved a polar bear!”

    Customer: *eyes go wide* “Plastic bags… are made out of… polar bears?!”

    Who Needs Highs When You’ve Got Dyes

    | New York, NY, USA | Top

    (Note: I have light blue hair with dark blue tips.)

    Customer: *staring at me*

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Am I still high, or is your hair really like that?”

    Your Two-fer Just Went Poofer

    | USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a grande white mocha and a tall peppermint hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $*.**.”

    Customer: “What? For one drink? That’s impossible!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, miss. I thought I heard you order two drinks. What did you order?”

    Customer: “A tall peppermint hot chocolate.”

    Me, to coworker: “Forget the white mocha.”

    Customer: “No! I still want it!”

    Me: “Oh, so you just wanted me to ring the two drinks separately?”

    Customer: “No! I want it, but I don’t want you to ring it up.”

    Me: *blank stare*

    Customer: “Oh. I guess I’m not getting away with it, am I?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

    | Pennsylvania. USA | Top

    Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is ***, how my I assist you?”

    Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

    (Note: our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or if they request one in advance.)

    Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. ***. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

    Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over 20 minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

    Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

    Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

    Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

    Guest: “Yes!”

    Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

    Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos 20 minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

    Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

    Guest: “Oh…oh my God. I’m so f***ing stupid!”

    (He actually called back down later and apologized.)

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