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    Seasoned Theatrics

    | Ohio, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, what movie?”

    Customer: “Hi, I want tickets for two.”

    Me: “Two tickets, but what movie?”

    Customer: Yes, for Number 2.”

    Me: “Oh, I see, sir. The names of the movies on the side of the building don’t relate to the screen they are going to be in. What is the name of the movie you want to see?”

    Customer: “This is stupid, my wife and I want to see number 2! It‚Äôs posted outside. You should know what movie it is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can you tell me what the movie is about?”

    Customer: “I said it was NUMBER 2!”

    (Finally, the wife jumps in.)

    Wife: “Honey, just sell us two tickets for a movie. We can figure it out.”

    (As she requests, I sell them two tickets. A moment later, I can hear the husband grouching right beside my register.)

    Customer: “What kind of crap is this?! I don’t want to see no movie called JACKA***!”

    Wife: “Honey, you are the jacka***, and the whole theater just got a free showing!”

    Taxing Faxing

    | Brentwood, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello Mrs. ***, I have the bid for your cabinets done.”

    Customer: “Great, thanks! Can you fax me a copy?”

    Me: “No problem, what’s the number?”

    Customer: *gives me the number*

    Me: “Okay, I will send it over right now.”

    Customer: “One more thing, this fax is at my work – could you please fold the paper in half before you fax it? I don’t want any of my coworkers to know that I am remodeling my house!”

    Try The New Pool At Hogwarts

    | North York, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “Why is it that your pool is so small?”

    Me: “It is a Therapeutics pool, geared towards people to do their exercises.”

    Customer: “So there is no other pool in this building?”

    Me: “No, there is no other pool in this building, but there is one up the street.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just make it bigger?”

    Now Made With Real Vegetarians

    , | Hull, UK |

    Customer: “There is no pasta in my pastarami sandwich, just some meat.”

    Me: “It’s Pastrami, peppered beef–not pastarami.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I change it please? I’m vegetarian.”

    Byte Off More Than You Can Chew

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    Me: “Good morning, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, a few of my friends have been talking about this ‘internet’ thing. Is it any good?”

    Me: “Yes, it is very useful. I use it all the time.”

    Customer: “Oh, good.” *pulls something from his pocket*

    Customer: “Could you put it on to this floppy disc for me, please?”

    Me: “The entire Internet?”

    Customer: “Yes, please!”

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