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    The Silver (Bra) Lining

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

    Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

    Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

    Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

    Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

    Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

    Patient: “Let him touch me!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I am checking out at a local book store and the clerk recognizes my book, Howl’s Moving Castle, and decides to make conversation. There’s another customer behind me in line. She’s in her mid-40s.)

    Clerk: “Oh, I loved this movie, but I didn’t realize it was a book!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites! The book is so much better than the movie. It gives a whole new perspective on everything!”

    Clerk: “Then I’ll be sure to check it–”

    Customer behind me: *eyes full of excitement* “Are you talking about Twilight?”

    Clerk and me, together: “NO.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Misery Demands Company

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work at a food stand that only sells a few things. It’s early on a weekday and few people want to buy what I sell before dinnertime. There is a latin music show going on in the open-air theater across from me, and since I’ve already cleaned everything that can be cleaned and I am rather bored, I’m dancing to the music a bit. An old man walks up to my counter.)

    Me: *stops dancing* “Hi, what can I get you sir?”

    Customer: “You look like you’re having fun, young lady.”

    Me: “It’s pretty slow today, so we try to keep ourselves entertained. What would you like today?”

    Customer: “You’re not allowed to have fun when you work at a place like this. I would know. I worked at a place like this once.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I get you anything?”

    Customer: “No, just don’t have too much fun!”

    Introducing The Dumbbook Pro

    | Connecticut, USA | Technology

    (Note: A new operating system has just come out for our computers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wanted to get the new OS but I’m having some trouble. It gives me an error when try to download it from the App Store.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of error is it giving? Are you running version 10.6?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it just won’t let me get it. I don’t know why.”

    Me: “How old is the computer?”

    Customer: “A couple years.”

    Me: “That’s strange. You should be able to get it. You might want to bring the computer in to have us take a look. What kind of computer is it?”

    Customer: “A Dell.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s a Dell. I got it a couple if years ago. It’s running Windows XP.”

    Me: “Ah. Well, unfortunately, the new OS is Mac OS X. You would need a Mac to be able to run it.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s really inconvenient!”

    Shooting The Message-less Messenger

    | Montreal, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, you’ve reached Jen at [company].”

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi.”

    Customer: “Who is this?”

    Me: “Jen.”

    Customer: “Jen?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “F*** you.” *hangs up*

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